I spoke with a woman recently who was surprised by how raw her emotions were after her divorce was final. She thought separating and going through the divorce process would heal the pain she had been in for so many years.
She had no idea that healing after a divorce meant dealing with unprocessed emotions. She wanted to move ahead full steam and had no idea how to respond when the pain got in the way of her plans.
Maybe you have found yourself in the same situation. If so, here is some good news for you...you are normal!
Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. If you're experiencing negative emotions when you think you should be feeling great, don't beat yourself up over it. Painful emotions are, after all, an opportunity to grow.
Pain acted upon appropriately leads to growth and healing. Pain ignored or acted upon inappropriately leads to further pain and suffering. That post-divorce pain should be considered a tangible asset. It is your choice whether this asset will be used in a self-destructive way or channeled positively toward building a new and rewarding future.
Below are a few tips for processing the pain and turning it into an asset that will help you move on:
- Divorce means change. Realize that every divorce brings about change, and change is not always easy. There are times we are tempted to look back, because it is easier than facing the fact that we now have to rebuild ourlives. Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes along and that you have made the right decision to divorce. Don't let fear overtake your judgment or cause you to doubt your abilities.
- Take care of yourself. Riding this roller coaster of emotions is taxing, so make sure you develop good self-care habits during this time. Get plenty of rest, avoid stress as much as possible, put non-essential things on the back burner for now, and eat a healthy diet. Self-care after a divorce is a requirement if you want to maintain your health.
- Tell the truth. Be honest with yourself about your feelings. Journaling your emotions through divorce is very helpful for most people undergoing a major life change. If journaling is not for you, then maybe you need a counselor to help you deal with your emotions. It is helpful to have a professional you can tell your innermost feelings to, and then never have to see again when therapy is completed.
In essence, you have to be willing to accept the changes that come with divorce. Treat yourself kindly both physically and emotionally. Be honest with yourself about what you are feeling and, if you can't process these feelings on your own, seek help from a trained professional. And throughout it all, never forget that what you are feeling is normal!
Click the following for a directory of articles to help you keep a healthy mind and spirit through divorce.