Divorce is experienced so differently by each person who goes through it. In my own experience, it's involved a grieving process with many emotions including anger, frustration, sorrow, anguish, bitterness, hatred and regret. The important thing is that we embrace the fact we are in for the gamut of emtions, so we can better prepare ourselves to go from bitter to better as we navigate our way through our divorce and move beyond it.
I was reading a piece by a relationship expert and in general, it confirms most everything I've heard. For example, therapists agree that you have a right to your feelings no matter what they are and you shouldn't feel guilty about mourning your loss. In other words, you have to "feel" in order to heal, so give yourself time to grieve your divorce.
Experts advise you to do things that you love to do and may have deferred. If possible, pamper yourself with a makeover. Avoid hiding from family and friends because divorce is a time when you need all the support you can get. Being positive will help you attract new friends.
The survival stage is the next step in recovery. You need to ensure the basics-food, clothing and shelter for yourself and your kids, if you have them. Reevaluate your budget by listing sources of income and list expenses, fixed and non fixed. If there's a shortfall, it may be necessary to re-think non-fixed expenditures. Avoid new debt and be smart with your money, keeping in mind income tax implications.
With children, there can be no complete split. Both parents have joint responsibility for support and the divorce decree should confront custody, visitation and debt obligations. If you have joint credit accounts with your ex, you must be notified if payments aren't being made since the situation will affect your credit.
Reconstructing your life involves making yourself the top priority in working toward a fresh start. If you're working, keep expanding your knowledge base and skills. If you've been out of the job market, go back to school for more education in a field you love. Work on adjusting to a new dynamic and a new relationship with your children and family. Divorce is a learning experience. By re-discovering yourself, you'll be empowered for new adventures!
Below you'll find a list of resource articles on helping you find happiness post-divorce:
- Create a Post-Divorce Recovery Plan
- Selfishness: A Quality To Cultivate: Part 1
- Selfishness: A Quality To Cultivate: Part 2
- Unlocking and Living Your Dreams Post Divorce (video)
- Reclaim Your Personal Power After Divorce
- 3 Steps for Maximizing Your Time Post-Divorce
- The Late Bloomer's Revolution (video)
- Mid-Life + Divorce = Opportunity
- How to Avoid Being the "Good Girl" (video)
- The Virtues of Solitude After Divorce
- Why Divorced Women Must Embrace the Word NO (video)
- NO: A Word of Healthy Liberation
- Learning to Say No: 5 Tips to Successful Independence After Divorce
- Why You Should Make Nice With Your Ex
- Moving On To "Greener" Pastures (video)
- Learning to Embrace Your Single Status as a Newly Divorced Woman
The following is a list of articles on managing emotions post-divorce:
- How I Survived My Unwanted Divorce
- Steps to Managing Stress Through Divorce
- Growing Through Adversity
- Five Tips on How to Heal and Move on After Your Divorce
- The Spiritual Perspective on Divorce
- Death And Divorce
- Deal So You Can Heal: 5 Steps to Grieving Divorce
- Your Happiness is Your Responsibility
- Stop the Suffering of Divorce
- Divorce at Midde Age Really Can Break Your Heart
- How to Manage Post-Divorce Emotions
- Is Middle Age Depression Inevitable?
My last tip .... join the social network here, where you'll find women in all stages of divorce supporting one another through the process. We're a great group of women and we're all here for each other.