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You've decided to end an unhappy relationship. Good for you! That's a great first step towards a more healthy life.

Now what?

Many women who decide to leave their husbands or partners bite off more than they can chew. They put their foot down, they announce the end, and then they pack all they can fit in their cars to get out of the house as quickly as they can.

This is not a smart thing to do, unless the relationship is dangerous.

While it may be painful to stay a little longer in the household, planning what comes next is a good way to move from your current living arrangement to your newfound freedom with relatively little upheaval.

Does it make sense to drag yourself and your children to your mother's house or a friend's apartment, then move out two weeks later into a place you don't really like because you couldn't stand not being on your own? No.

Sit down and talk to your partner about not leaving the household, even if you're leaving the relationship. Just because you won't be a couple anymore doesn't mean you have to scramble to get out fast. Your house is still your home — for now.

Give yourself a few weeks or even a month or two to find a good home for yourself. Visit different apartments and locations. Don't pick the first available place you see.

Plan your financial situation. Take a look at the available resources, and consider big expenses you'll need to deal with, like furniture and appliances.

Include your children in the move. Let them see possible places to live, and give them the chance to voice their opinions. Your children can help you choose furniture, too. Kids should feel like they're moving on to a newer and happier phase of life. They should never feel like they're being yanked out of their own home into the great unknown.

Pack slowly and carefully. Minimize the haphazard tossing into boxes so common with a fast move. Items are broken or lost that way.

Consider what you want to bring and what you don't want anymore. Give older items you don't use to a charity. Make a list of new things you need. Don't argue over splitting up the furniture with your ex. It's just stuff, and it isn't worth the fight.

Plan your step toward a new life maturely, respectfully and carefully. You'll feel better that you did, and the transition will be much easier on everyone.

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1 comment

  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 11 November 2012 14:21 posted by Guest

    Moving out: This is EXACTLY how I did it, and I can sure vouch for it. I moved into my new place and pretty much slept on the floor for awhile (waiting for a new, history-less bed to arrive) and every evening I would go to what was now my wasband's house, and carry home a box or three, or a piece of furniture I was keeping. I didn't fill any rooms until they were painted and clean. Doing it this way brought order and calm to my otherwise chaotic, stressful life.

    Now, 18 months on, I am so happy! I love my little house and my dogs and my own company. I miss the good parts of my marriage and if I get maudlin about it I remember the crappy parts and that cures me. I wonder if I'll ever find another man to spend time with. I hope so, but if not, that's ok too, I'll be fine.