A friend and I once discussed how many women seem to slide on over to same-sex relationships after a divorce. I think it's true; a divorce can make you question a lot of things about yourself — why not your sexuality?
I also know that women in same-sex relationships tend to struggle more with "bed death," a lack of intimacy between the sheets. That begs the question, were these women really attracted to the opposite sex to begin with?
Possibly. Attraction isn't black and white. Feelings are feelings, and while we may be hard-wired to prefer one gender over the other, women seem to be more open to same-sex relationships than men. Maybe I'm talking out my hat, but bear with me.
Before I go on, though, I want to add my disclaimer. I'm not physically attracted to women — or at least, I prefer men over women. I also have nothing against same-sex relationships; they're legal and widely accepted in Canada, my country.
But I am curious about the women that get divorced and then suddenly go gay. "I'm done with men," some say. Is it really about men? Or is it just about need?
Women seek nurturing. They seek affection. They want tenderness and caring moments in relationship. They also have an easier time providing those same things — how many of you women reading this yearn for closeness? How many of you achieve high levels of closeness with men?
It's not about sex. It's not about who you sleep with. The point is that women need to feel cared for, and sometimes, when their world is rocked, they'll look for that anywhere they can get it.
And if it's from another woman? That may just be the answer. Who better to provide the nurturing love and caring tenderness when we're hurting than another woman?
Is a same-sex relationship after divorce the right answer? I'm not so sure about that. Remember, there's a big difference between sexual attraction and the need for affection.
I think if you find yourself having feelings for another woman while you are either contemplating divorce, in the middle of a divorce or recovering from divorce, it may be a good idea to introspect deeply to decide whether you're just in love with the idea of love, or whether you're really falling for someone of the same sex.