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One of the biggest myths of all is that divorcees and single mothers are seen as heroes. They've survived trials and tribulations, they took a stand, and they're making it on their own.

Heroes? In my book, yes. In the public eye? Oh, no, not at all, I'm afraid.

Divorcees are quickly perceived as women on the prowl. They're cougars. They're predators. They have no man, therefore, they must be on the hunt for one. And if they're not? Then they must be depressed, suicidal wash-ups barely hanging on.

Single mothers? Valiant crusaders raising children? I'm afraid not. Single mothers are usually pinned as bad mothers, because who in their right mind would rip children away from their fathers and feed kids Kraft Dinner when child support payments weren't forthcoming?

Well, I'll tell you who's in their right mind. Divorcees and single mothers, that's who.

These women have gone through life experiences that are challenges to their very self-worth and integrity. These women fight hard and fight back, sometimes even against themselves as they try to figure it all out.

These women are survivors and forward thinkers, not women who lie in complacency or settle for less. These women refuse to sit back and take a beating for years. They get up, they get out, and they get on with it.

Do they do it on a whim? Not likely. Women take a long time before making up their minds, and that goes double (and sometimes triple) for women in relationships that aren't working.

There's nothing impulsive about leaving your partner. There's nothing quick or fast about it. It's a big decision that demands a lot of thought and careful planning. It can take a decade or more before that step out the door occurs.

So to all those people who think I'm on the prowl for a man because I realized the man I had wasn't the right one, and to those who feel that I'm a bad mother for trying to give my daughters a healthier, more balanced life, I'll say this:

Cheers. Enjoy your petty judgments.

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  • Comment Link Guest Sunday, 20 January 2013 15:07 posted by Guest

    Divorcee Myth: Women on the prowl? In my experience, I had to fend off a whole slew of men on the prowl - nothing like a juicy young lamb, um, single mother, who might be lonely and in need of their special attention! There's a whole subset of men on the lookout for someone they think they can have some power over because they know a single mother is often struggling to make ends meet. They just hang around looking for a chance to "help".

    And, yes, bravo to divorcees doing a difficult job on less, to create a happier life for themselves and their families.

    I'd also guess that many of the critics might be suffering a few problems in their own marriages! Even my own welfare worker (small town) once proclaimed that she thought in my case that "the abuse was not that bad". Her husband treated her like dirt, so I suppose to her it wasn't. Lots of women have it worse but that's no reason for anyone else to have to let it get worse before we leave! We can see it coming - and we don't want to go there - and we found our way out - now - so we're taking it. Now!

    Bravo!