Are you thinking about divorce? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. It is a step that should be thoroughly thought out before taken.
Below are questions you should ask yourself before making the decision to divorce.
Is there still an emotional connection?
Have your feelings for your husband faded or are you frustrated over marital problems that seem insurmountable? If there are still feelings of love, you should work on the marriage before deciding to divorce. Don't allow feelings of frustration to cause you to make a choice you will later regret. If there is love left, seeking to solve problems with a marriage counselor could put the brakes on a divorce you didn't want in the first place.
Is your desire to divorce based on an emotional reaction or true self-awareness?
A true desire for divorce means letting go of any emotional attachments you have to your husband, the good ones and the bad ones. Making the decision to divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions won't solve problems. It will generate more problems and compound hurtful feelings and frustrations.
Being able to view your husband as an individual who deserves your respect during the transition of divorce is imperative. If you can't do this, the divorce process will be riddled with anger and conflict. Divorce is not an opportunity to point fingers and blame. It is the opportunity to move on and rebuild your life. The more negative your emotions toward your husband, the harder the process of rebuilding will be.
Is it a divorce you want, or a change in marital dynamics?
Some view divorce as a last resort — the step they need to make to get their husband's attention. They think that if they threaten divorce or follow through with a divorce, their husband will come to his senses and realize what he has lost. Their husband will be magically transformed into the man of their dreams, the marriage can be put back together, and all will live happily ever after.
If you want a change in the dynamics between you and your husband, it isn't divorce you want. Something to think about; once you have divorced, your spouse is free to form emotional attachments to others. If that thought is uncomfortable, think twice before making a decision to divorce.
Can you handle the needs others may have as a result of a divorce?
Divorce can mean a loss of dreams and goals... for you, your husband, and your children. Even if you are positive it is a divorce you want, you need to have a support system in place to help you deal with the stress associated with divorce. You need to be able to face the pain your husband and children will feel and to help them cope.
Do you have what it takes to get through the divorce process?
If you do decide to divorce, you will need a plan, realistic expectations, the ability to be honest with yourself and others, courage, self esteem, and self-respect. Take a moral inventory and arm yourself before beginning the process.
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Tell-Tale Signs That It's Time to Divorce, by Cathy Meyer
5 Financial Actions to Take Before You Even Think About Divorce, by Financial Planner, Lili Vasileff