Episode 2: In the Beginning, Part 2

FWW — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 15:40:00 -0500

Michael (that's my ex-husband — well, it's my ex-husband's pseudonym ‘cause I'm changing all names to protect the innocent, not that there are very many except the kids.) You know what? Fuck Michael. His name is Jeffrey, and he can get hit by a bus for all I care. Suddenly he's getting really in to pick-up and drop-off. Which would be nice if he had ever been that guy before. And he's doing play dates again, nice — except weird. (You wanna know where he gets the time, right? I have one word (okay, two) for you — "movie producer." That means he doesn't do anything all day but can pretend he has a job.)

Anyway, I'm all like, "Honey, how great that you've evolved. We've got a real working partnership here, blah blah blah." And he's cutting his hair more often and he gets new clothes (I know, I know) plus his taste is somewhere between Tommy Bahama and Jimmy Buffett. Why do men in their fifties suddenly think flowered shirts and toeless sandals are attractive? Jeffrey's never had a pedicure. Sandals - not sexy. To make a long, predictable story short, I find this cell phone in his sock drawer.

(Actually, it's a drawer with socks and all sorts of other shit like to-do lists that never get to-done and loose change and papers that need to be dealt with, I guess you could call it the "sock it away" until hell freezes over drawer) — anyway, I find this nice little Razor phone in there. It's red. Like a bat phone.

Huh, I say to myself. Why would he have a red bat phone in his sock it away drawer? I don't keep phones in drawers. I lose phones and I break phones and I always want the phone I don't have like the iPhone but I don't keep phones in drawers. Plus I know he has the Blackberry I bought him for his birthday. The bastard.

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Episode 2: In the Beginning, Part 2