Living Solo: Are We Becoming Too Set in Our Ways?

Living Solo: Are We Becoming Too Set in Our Ways?

I’ve always believed it’s healthier to stay single for awhile after divorce verses entering another serious relationship; divorce is a huge life transition and requires time to process.

But while lunching with some girlfriends this past weekend, Hali, my best friend warned: “I think people have to be careful not to get too used to being on their own after divorce. I was only single again for six months, and already I was thinking in terms of MY space, MY things, and doing things MY way.”

My other girlfriend Nikki, 38, and never married, agreed: “I’ve been single so long I know I’m set in my ways.  Sometimes I question if I could ever live with a man…”

Afterwards, I started wondering: If we go years without another partner after divorce, are we at risk of becoming too independent — too set in our ways? Does our age have bearing? Does it cause us to be more rigid and habitual?

I’ve grown accustomed to living without a man these past two years. And I like having the closet and dresser to myself.  And I like the down-time I have on my own — I think most people do.

But I don’t think I’m becoming ‘rigid’ in my ways — if anything, meeting the changing needs and schedules of my three kids keep me supple, not to mention my work schedule!  I think all I’ve done since I got divorced is adapt, so I’ll do just fine some day with a man!

Maybe it’s a lot harder if you’ve been solo a long time and have no kids in the house. I don’t know — I’m not there. So I’ll ask you: Do you think we run the risk of taking ourselves and life too seriously without the ‘chaos’ of other people in our homes?

I like to think that people are adaptive. And I also think that when the right person shares your life and home,  he "adds" to your life, not "messes it up."

Then again, maybe I’m too "set" in my thinking.