Moving Beyond Divorce

Post-Divorce Sex: The Numbers Look Good

Nancy Lee — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 05:32:32 -0400

I just read another dopey article claiming that married people have the best sex lives. How it's so great knowing all the person's buttons, the freedom in having just one partner, yada, yada yada.

I beg to differ. I speak from a long lack of experiences during my marriage and unless my friends — both men and women — are all lying to me, we were all to some extent in the same boat.

Take my beleagured friend D, who had the ill-fated date with me that stormy November night (check out my first post). He returned to home and hearth, willing to give his marriage another go.

"There is peace in the family and I have buried the hatchet, swallowed my miseries and decided to hang in there," he wrote me. "After looking at all the alternatives and the reaction of the brood to my breakout suggestions, I've just hunkered down. If I were in France, I would probably have found myself a mistress and lead a double life. But I'm in Norway, so I live a quiet Calvinistic life of middle class mediocrity."

Yikes.

Compare that with my randy neighbor, S, who left her husband and our quiet rural suburb and moved to a condo complex in a nearby town that had a rep of attracting lots of new divorcees. After a few months she confided, "In our neighborhood if you heard screaming, you assumed people are fighting. But here, when you hear screaming, you assume people are having really great sex."

Or my friend P, who reunited quite literally with a former squeeze after years languishing in a sexless marriage. "It was like finding the magic lamp and getting my three wishes: sex, sex, and more sex!"

What's the biggest challenge you have faced in your post-divorce job search?

Marshall — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:14:08 -0400

* There's a large time gap on my resume * I have no idea what I WANT to do or CAN do * I don't have the skills/education for the job I want/need * I can't afford childcare while I'm at work * I can't seem to fit my post-kid body into a cute pant suit

When your Ex has the kids, what do you do with your time?

Marshall — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:24:34 -0400

* Sit dumbfounded trying to figure out what to do * Eat bad food. Drink. Catch up on R-rated movies * Finally do some work and polish my jobs skills so I can shine * Have wild overnights with my boyfriend...or some girlfriends * Worry I'm a terrible mom because I enjoy the peace and quiet

How is Your Ex still in the picture?

Marshall — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:48:54 -0400

* I tolerate my ex for the kids and try to act civil * Love my ex just not the way I used to * My ex is on speed dial: certain habits are hard to break * We still share some of the same friends * He's not: want him cropped out * I would recommend my ex for a date

What issue presented the biggest challenge when trying to blend your families?

Mon, 26 May 2008 10:58:48 -0400

* Discipline * Money and finance * Confusion over people's roles * Emotions * Geography * I'm not trying to blend

Do you have a good relationship with your child's step- and half-sibling(s)?

Fri, 16 May 2008 10:24:48 -0400

* Yes, I adore them. * Yes... but I can't stand them! * I don't want a relationship with them. * I'm not allowed to develop one

When did you meet the woman who became your kid's new Step-Mom?

Fri, 09 May 2008 10:24:48 -0400

* Before the Wedding * After the Wedding * I'm planning to...someday... * Why? Has Hell frozen over?

How do you celebrate family milestones?

Fri, 02 May 2008 09:24:42 -0400

* As a large, happily-blended family * Together like oil and water * My Ex and I plan two separate but equal functions * My Ex and I compete to out-do each other

Do you encourage your children to acknowledge their step-mother on Mother's Day?

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:42:28 -0400

* We buy a card/gift together * I let my child/children decide * I buy it for my child/children * My uterus, my day!

Staying Motivated

Kathy Kaehler — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 08:11:55 -0500

Maintaining healthy eating habits and exercise can be so hard especially when you're going through a divorce. But Kathy encourages you to stick with it and offers three tips for doing just that: Put yourself first, embrace where you are in the diet and fitness process, and make a commitment to eating right and working out on a daily basis. You won't be sorry!