Health and Body

Which presidential candidate do you feel will best address the concerns and issues that affect divorced women the most?

Marshall — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:04:38 -0400

* John McCain * Barack Obama * Neither One

Staying Motivated

Kathy Kaehler — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 08:11:55 -0500

Maintaining healthy eating habits and exercise can be so hard especially when you're going through a divorce. But Kathy encourages you to stick with it and offers three tips for doing just that: Put yourself first, embrace where you are in the diet and fitness process, and make a commitment to eating right and working out on a daily basis. You won't be sorry!

Click the following to return the main page for The Divorced Girl's Guilde to Getting Fit Post Divorce.

Click the following to return to the Divorce Resource Directory.

Change Is Good

Kathy Kaehler — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 08:23:28 -0500

Going through a divorce brings on so many changes — and not all of those changes are bad! Embrace the changes in your life and your workout routine. Kathy suggests mixing thing up a bit by adding strength training once or twice a week, trying new classes like cardio-salsa or even sports with your kids' Nintendo Wii. Incorporate changes in your workouts gradually and over time, you'll begin to reap the benefits.

Bet on Bangs for a Youthful Look

Lois Joy Johnson — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:22:53 -0500

I’ve been a Sixties girl all my life. I started out as an artsy teen- about-town at Parsons School of Design during the actual era, and quickly adopted the bangs and straight hair look I’ve had ever since. Nothing makes me happier than tights and flats, eyeliner and beige lipstick, and of course minis (the skirts and Coopers) and bangs.

As an adult woman, my long eye-grazing fringe has evolved from being my security blanket to my signature; but what I love most now are the camouflage benefits. So do a long list of my girlfriends aged 40+ who also vow never to let their bangs grow out. The group consensus is if we never do Botox again, no one will ever know.

Bangs accent your eyes and do make you look younger. They dress up your face when the rest of your hair is back in a ponytail and hide bad skimpy eyebrows too (so cross that off your worry list too!).

Bangs with a slightly layered bob are actually a very classic Coco Chanel kind of look. They happen to be the hottest hair trend at every age with fans ranging from Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour to Katie Holmes. Bangs look equally great on mothers and daughters like Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson.

Some men (including all of my exes) do this ‘brushing-the-hair-out-of-your-eyes’ gesture that is so annoying to women with a fringe. My husband Robert, on the other hand, panics if I pull my bangs back with a hairband during humid frizzy weather.

“Where are your bangs? I love those bangs! I married you for those bangs!” is his opening line on those mornings.

In the early days of our relationship I found beach holidays and showering together a little inhibiting because of this, but now I just laugh.

Evening Gloves

Debbie Nigro — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:00:47 -0500

I feel like putting on my feetie pajamas at 5 o'clock. I know this happens every year when it begins getting dark early, but this year I can't take it any more. I am fighting back! Anything not to be on the couch for hours in between hustling back and forth to the refrigerator.

I need to suck up the daylight whenever I can so I have been forcing myself to get out. Mostly I try and make it to the gym because someone shrunk all the clothes in my closet.

To amuse myself I have been taking all the different kinds of classes they offer. Spin, pilates, kickboxing, body conditioning, etc. Monday night was boxing. I didn't notice I was the oldest person there until about half-way through. My chest was heaving and I was wondering if anyone in the gym had medical knowledge. What the heck was I thinking? After jumping rope, doing pushups on a hard wood floor, and completely flattening my manicure inside my boxing gloves on a punching bag, I had no idea if I would ever see darkness again...I was praying I could get back outside to the dark parking lot.

Too proud to flee, and with raccoon mascara eyes, I really hoped I wouldn't become a casualty. What's too much for a woman my age? Is there an age limit on boxing? Anyway, I made it through, high fived the 20 year olds on the way out and will continue to fight (box) getting SAD this year. SAD being Seasonal Affective Disorder. Lack of sunlight causes serious depression in many people. Figure out how to fight back at it if you are one of them. Maybe you should be the gloved one next?

Couples Yoga: Can It Save Us?

Maya Halpen — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 21:25:53 -0500

Speaking of personal growth, here we go. Rob and I are heading to the Kripalu Center in western Massachusetts for a weekend of yoga and meditation. While I wasn't willing to do a workshop specifically for couples, our time there will no doubt bring transformation of some sort. Everyone who goes comes back changed.

I'm already dreading it, which is weird, because I'm a yogi who usually welcomes the opportunity to study with new teachers. I love how the steadiness and equanimity cultivated on the yoga mat make meeting life's challenges off the mat easier, and how each teacher brings unique insight to that process.

But I have big resistance toward growth with Rob. I guess that's what I was getting at in my last post. If you can muster enough compassion and forgiveness for a difficult or mismatched partner to get over your most serious conflicts, does that mean you have rendered moot the reasons you should not be together, end of story?

Can you forgive your way out of marital strife and into martial bliss?

Sure, but my question is: Is that the ONLY path? It's the only one any therapist has seen fit to send me down, and that has been bugging me. How about forgiving but still breaking up anyway? What about those couples who are like best friends and divorce without an ounce of acrimony? (Forget Date my Ex: Jo and Slade. There really are couples like this out there, right?)

That seems more like the path before me, though readers of my blog know I'm dragging my feet, too attached to my cozy life, fearful of separation.

I'll be back next week. Hopefully the Kripalu Center will be fantastic. I'll take the advice of a friend who said to have fun, just don't drink the Kool-Aid.

Girls' Night Out: Lipstick, not Lipo

Lois Joy Johnson — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 23:02:01 -0500

A night out with the girls is heaven, especially when you’re divorced and your chums are too. A glass of Sancerre or Diet Coke Plus and the honest exchange of beauty advice and gossip make Sex and the City seem tame. It’s the best time to dish over frenemies’ affairs, the diet-of-the-month, and whether boyfriend jeans flatter anyone over forty.

It’s the moment too for confessing your beauty sins to those who understand: like my friend Cheryl’s new Restylane pout (credited to “an amazing plumping gloss”), or Suzie’s Fraxel-smoothed face (“I gave up caffeine and sugar”), or Nan’s Sculptra cheekbones
(“I finally found the best facialist”). Naturally the cone of silence over that evening’s conversation means we will never discuss these topics again, especially with other people.

It’s not just the admission of getting a little medical help anymore.

Right now, when we’re worried about school tuition, mortgage payments, and healthcare, indulging in pricey dermatological procedures can bring on a guilt attack if addressed in public. Buying luxury skincare or splurging on a spa vacation can inspire the same discomfort as selling your grandmother’s silver.

Beauty is comfort food for women. The so-called “lipstick effect” cited by economists once again highlights the trend for us to buy small feel-good items like lipstick during times of crisis.

Divorced women are facing fierce competition in the workplace to protect their jobs, and even tougher challenges to get new ones if they’ve been restructured out of a position. The bar has been raised when it comes to the term “beauty boost.”

Sometimes a lipstick isn’t enough, so it’s important to stay non-judgmental if you (or a friend) think an eye-job or Botox are going to add that kick of confidence. But sometimes a new lipstick is truly all you need.

When Pimples and Wrinkles Overlap: 6 Steps Back to Clarity

Lois Joy Johnson — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:42:43 -0500

Will we ever outgrow the 70s… or pimples, for that matter? A renewed love of platform shoes, wide-leg jeans, and vintage Pucci makes me yearn for a Corvette. Grown-up blemishes don’t provide the same cozy feeling of déjà vu.

I’ll blame it on hormones again because I can. The balance between my declining female estrogen and stay-put androgen is fluctuating like crazy. I’m holding them accountable for mood swings, a slowdown in cell turnover, and trapped oil and debris in my pores. Toss in lots of stress, too much experimentation with ultra-rich de-aging creams (I do a lot of this!), and what did I expect? Experts say stress alone won’t make you break out, but since cortisol secreted by the adrenals in response to stress also stimulates sebum production, it certainly isn’t helping.

Selective OTC skincare works well for occasional breakouts. But if your blemishes increase in frequency or intensity, see a dermatologist who can evaluate and prescribe treatment.

Adult acne has become so common that products designed for this demo are nudging their teenage counterparts off the shelves. Be careful. Our skin is thinner, more sensitive, and we’re dealing with moisture and collagen loss along with textural changes. Avoid piggybacking too many blemish-blasters at once — some skins can only tolerate one or two of the suggestions below.

Try my OTC detox picks and yes you can have your dark chocolate fix. Top dermatologists like Dr. Fredric Brandt say it does not cause acne (!) and some say the antioxidants even help:

• Switch to a mild face wash like Cetaphil Daily Facial Cleanser ($7.99), especially if your skin is sensitive. Or choose a glycolic or salicylic acid cleanser to slough dull flaky skin and remove dead cells. I currently like Aveeno Active Naturals Clear Complexion Cream Cleanser with salicylic acid, soy, and gentle microbeads ($7.99).

Chivalry Is Dead

Megan Thomas — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:16:08 -0500

I have back problems that sometimes spread up into my neck, and it gets really painful. I have two young children who I can't lift and a bunch of housework that doesn't get done because it hurts to lift stuff. Thank God I have a job I can do while sitting and not moving.

Luckily for me, the pain comes and goes and with the help of my chiropractor/massage therapist/sleepy meds I muddle through. I don't spend all my time in pain, but when it does hit I'm pretty useless.

My back pain was in full force the other day, so I was happy to finally make it to the evening and lay down to go to sleep. My husband was already in bed so we chatted a little. He asked me how my back was feeling (code for "Can we have sex?") and I replied that it hurt pretty bad (code for "Please don't make me do that right now").

"You know," I said, "maybe I should get a pillow like yours." He has one of those pillows to keep the back and neck aligned. The thought occurs to me that maybe we can switch pillows for the night and in the morning I can go buy my own. He doesn't have back problems, and it would be great to try something — anything — to make my back feel better.

Before I can propose the idea he replies with, "Yeah, maybe you should get one," and then rolls over on his side to go to sleep. He's done with me. I can't offer him what he wants, so that's that.

Years ago he would have thought about switching pillows long before I did. He would have gone to great lengths to help me get comfortable. I laid there thinking about what a different man he is now, but then the thought occurred to me that maybe he was thinking the same thing; after all, when I was 25 years old I didn't have back problems and didn't have to deny sex because of my aches and pains.

For Women, Sexual Dissatisfaction Not Necessarily a Cause for Distress

Linda Lee — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:34:40 -0500

Even women who can’t get no satisfaction are not necessarily upset about it. To put it another way, they know they don’t come easy, but they don’t care. A new study of 32,000 women from ages 18 to 100 done by Massachusetts General Hospital found that 40 percent of women surveyed said they had sexual problems – lack of interest in sex, low levels of arousal, difficulty in achieving orgasm.

But only 12 percent of the women said that the issues caused them “significant personal distress.” Distress was defined as causing them anger, guilt, frustration, and worry.

The results are in the November issue of Obstetrics & Gynecology. "Sexual problems are common in women, but problems associated with personal distress, those which are truly bothersome and affect a woman's quality of life, are much less frequent,” said Dr. Jan Shifren of the Mass General Obstetrics and Gynecology Service, who was in charge of the study.

Some 39 percent of the women surveyed said they had low levels of desire; 26 percent said they had problems with arousal; 21 percent said they had problems with reaching orgasm.

The greatest prevalence of sexual problems was in women over 65 years of age. But that group also reported the lowest level of distress. The assumption is that these women are either in sexless but otherwise satisfying marriages, or that they don’t have a sex partner and don’t really miss one.

The youngest women had fewer sexual problems and reported less distress about them.

The group that reported the greatest distress was women from 45 to 64. Another recent study, this one on infidelity from the University of New Hampshire, said that the peak age at which married women commit adultery is 45. (For men, the peak was 55.)