Kids and Family

When your Ex has the kids, what do you do with your time?

Marshall — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:24:34 -0400

* Sit dumbfounded trying to figure out what to do * Eat bad food. Drink. Catch up on R-rated movies * Finally do some work and polish my jobs skills so I can shine * Have wild overnights with my boyfriend...or some girlfriends * Worry I'm a terrible mom because I enjoy the peace and quiet

What issue presented the biggest challenge when trying to blend your families?

Mon, 26 May 2008 10:58:48 -0400

* Discipline * Money and finance * Confusion over people's roles * Emotions * Geography * I'm not trying to blend

Do you have a good relationship with your child's step- and half-sibling(s)?

Fri, 16 May 2008 10:24:48 -0400

* Yes, I adore them. * Yes... but I can't stand them! * I don't want a relationship with them. * I'm not allowed to develop one

When did you meet the woman who became your kid's new Step-Mom?

Fri, 09 May 2008 10:24:48 -0400

* Before the Wedding * After the Wedding * I'm planning to...someday... * Why? Has Hell frozen over?

How do you celebrate family milestones?

Fri, 02 May 2008 09:24:42 -0400

* As a large, happily-blended family * Together like oil and water * My Ex and I plan two separate but equal functions * My Ex and I compete to out-do each other

Do you encourage your children to acknowledge their step-mother on Mother's Day?

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:42:28 -0400

* We buy a card/gift together * I let my child/children decide * I buy it for my child/children * My uterus, my day!

Pet Peeves in Divorce

Jill Brooke — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:48:58 -0400

Here's your pet's pet peeve. Your beloved animals suffer anxiety when you separate or divorce, just as you do. In fact, the People's Dispensary for Sick Animals in London has added divorce to the list of events that can lead to "acral lick dermatitis."

Other causes of ALD – a constant chewing, sucking, and licking of a part of the body – are dogs who are isolated or bored, punished continually, or who have nervous and stressed owners. Sean Wensley, a senior vet at the People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals, says, “As a result of such licking, the area can become raw and itchy, which in turn leads to further licking or chewing."

Pets mirror our emotions. If your parrot plucks his feathers feverishly, your poodle pouts with downcast eyes, your calico cat meows mournfully, vets translate these things as a form of depression because, folks, they are "furry" upset by the disruption in the house.

And why shouldn’t they be?

As Wensley says, “Cats and dogs, like young children, are sensitive to adult human emotions and, when these become tense or unpredictable, this can cause stress-related heath problems.”

What are more symptoms?

"Dogs that are stressed can show signs of compulsive disorder,” he says, including chasing their own tails. Cats, he says, “can be prone to 'wool sucking' which, as the term suggests, involves sucking or chewing on woolen items such as blankets.”

Parrots sometimes pull out their own feathers after losing a mate — which, in a way, includes a human live-in companion — or experiencing some other type of trauma.

And that’s not all. The hospital’s studies show that when their owners split, pets can develop serious long-term nervous symptoms, including chewing on and biting themselves.

Brinkley and Cook, in Court Again

Jill Brooke — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 16:06:42 -0400

You are parents forever, even after divorce. That conventional wisdom resonated this week with the new dust-up between Peter Cook and Christie Brinkley. As we reported this week, Cook apparently violated a confidentiality agreement by deciding to appear on 20/20 with Barbara Walters tonight.

Brinkley swiftly tried to then bar the philandering father from seeing her two children, Jack and Sailor, this weekend.

But a Long Island judge played Solomon and found a solution. Cook can take the children but as Brinkley's lawyer explained, he "has to be away from his home and he can't expose them to the 20/20 broadcast."

Cook claimed he wouldn’t have exposed the children in any case, but the children are seen in the 20/20 broadcast.

A person close to Cook said, "I find it silly that someone who not only allows her children to be in the media but encourages it would have a complaint like this."

The people who should have a complaint are the children.

I’m glad that Sailor and Jack have each other as confidantes since they are caught in the middle like fish in a net while their parents continue their hostilities. Children want to love both parents, and when thrown into an ocean of he said/she said charges, they are left confused, conflicted and hurt. At least they have each other as they swim through these murky waters.

That is no small thing. Often siblings in divorce form enduring bonds.

Forgiveness is difficult when you are co-parenting after a hostile divorce. Christie Brinkley clearly didn't want to have those wounds reopened by a Barbara Walters interview with her ex.

Christie Brinkley's Ex: I Cheated for "Attention"

Jill Brooke — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:32:00 -0400

Peter Cook’s goose may be cooked. By dishing to ABC’s Barbara Walters, the porn-loving ex of Christie Brinkley broke a confidentiality agreement not to discuss his divorce. But his temper, he says, was boiling because he felt that he got unfairly grilled. The interview will be aired on 20/20 on Friday.

So why did Peter Cook carelessly cavort with an 18-year-old and also resort to on-line porn? Seems he felt that the Mrs., one of the most gorgeous gals on the planet, wasn’t making him feel desired.

"I was seeking a connection I could not find in my own marriage," Cook said to Walters. "I think the emotional aspect of our lives had changed. I think we were both feeling more like we were living with a brother and sister than a life partner."

So, he said, he suddenly realized something was missing.

"I wanted a little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank you every now and then for my efforts, for the amount of time I took to care for her and my family, for the wealth I was building," he said.

At times, the architect and builder said, “I pulled up [to] the driveway to the home that I found, that I built, that I lived in, and I felt like I was a guest in someone else's life."

Well guess what? He is now a guest who’s not welcome anywhere.

Cook has found his life systematically dismantled now that he doesn’t have Brinkley by his side.

As we reported in July, Brinkley divorced Cook after finding out that he was fooling around with Diana Bianchi while also spending up to $3,000 a month on Internet porn.

Single Parenting Crisis? New Site Offers Guidance, Perspective On Teens

Maureen Dempsey — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:02:52 -0400

When 22-year-old Vanessa Van Petten saw a hole in the digital market, she decided to fill it. Where was the teen's voice? The teen's opinion? "I was reading lots of mommy and daddy blogs all over the Web; some had great advice and others were really missing some major points," says Van Petten, founder of OnTeensToday.com. A child of divorce herself, Van Petten (right) credits her nontraditional upbringing for the determination and versatility she possesses today.

"I grew up with two religions, four VERY different types of parents, as an only child, as one of four, in a big house, in a small house, in a liberal house and in a strict house," she explains. "I really got to live in the range and can relate to many different kinds of readers."

That determination and versatility are exactly the qualities to which her readers respond. Her web site, which is dedicated to offering a forum for teens to express themselves, reach out to other parental figures, and provide perspective on the elusive teenager, has become a smash hit with young and old alike since its launch in September 2007.

And when we say "smash hit," we mean it. OnTeensToday.com receives thousands of emails a day. "Parents mostly read my web site, but I work privately with teens and run a private social network for them as a forum and I hear from them a lot in those areas," says the Los Angeles resident.

How can Van Petten help you decode your kid? Here, four tried-and-true tips to smooth the familial transitions, from separation to divorce to second marriages:

You Can Never Say I Love You Too Much. We might roll our eyes or pretend not to hear, but in this time, we cannot hear it enough.