Mastering the Instability of Divorce
Mastering the Instability of Divorce
Just a short time ago, I was actively seeking out women going through separation and divorce, or as I frequently say, going through a life transition.
I realize now though, that everyone is going through a “life transition”….especially given the recent economic challenges.
In some ways, this is comforting because even if it is not the transition of a divorce, anyone going through a major transition is managing an unstable time. What makes divorce different is that it is a catalyst for change in EVERY area of your life.
- Romantic love relationship
- Parenting
- Financial
- Professional
- Social
- Personal
- Family
I am sure that you now know, that unless you have experienced it yourself…it is hard to explain just how much change and transition a separation and divorce can cause.
And because it is hard to explain it, it is also hard for family, friends and others in your world to be able to support you. They are not trained to do that. The journey forward is yours and where it takes you, is completely within your control.
However, I am here to tell you that as uncomfortable as the transition of divorce may be, there are many benefits that can come from it. It is a matter of mastering this unstable time and reframing how you are able to approach it.
So, how does one do that?
The first step, regardless of what stage you are at (living in an unfulfilled marriage, separation, divorcing or moving forward after divorce), is to REGROUP.
What does REGROUP mean for you?
You feel completely overwhelmed. There is so much that needs your attention; however, you simply don’t know how to prioritize everything. Communication with your “soon to be ex-husband” is becoming increasingly challenging, and with each day that passes, your feelings of sadness, anger and confusion intensify.
In addition, the decisions that lay ahead seem daunting and insurmountable. As a result, your anxiety increases. You may have an attorney, mediator or financial expert, and a few friends who are supportive, you still need help to clear your head.
Understandably, some of the questions on your mind are:
- Am I ever going to get through this?
- What should I tell my friends, children, parents, colleagues?
- What will happen to me?
- How am I going to survive?
During this time of uncertainty, it is critical to acknowledge the sadness, confusion and fear you are experiencing. In fact, understanding your thoughts, emotions and realities will be key to preparing you for your journey.
Through support (support group, personal development program or Divorce Coach), you will need to focus on creating a plan to help you move through each day, week and month with an emphasis on healing your wounds, building your esteem, discovering your courage and finding your happiness.
This will be the time to focus on YOU. Not your Ex, but you. A time to understand what brought you to today, what you really want and the options available to you.
As you begin to find clarity and understand what brought you to today, you will move towards the next phase in your journey: RENEWAL.
Understand that coming to terms with your new realities is critical to planning for your future.
If you are still separated and working through the divorce process, regrouping will be the best way to prepare yourself for the difficult decisions that you will be called upon to make. After all, while you are trying to manage the current areas of your life, you are still proceeding with the divorce and coping with the resulting emotions.
If your divorce has been finalized, your journey is still not over! The good news is that your life will be an ongoing journey of self discovery and creating your ideal life!
Now you are ready to reconnect with who you are. You will discover your true self, find new social and support circles, re-acquaint yourself with your interests and passions, as well as assess where you are and what you need. Some of the questions you may be asking yourself are:
- Why did this happen?
- Who am I?
- What do I really want?
- How can I manage all of this?
At this point, your goal is finding inner peace and contentment. To achieve this, you will prepare yourself for wherever your journey leads and welcome all the opportunities and possibilities that present themselves. You will also rekindle your inner light and discover the courage to make the decisions that will create your extraordinary life.
The process of RENEWAL is wondrous. It is not always smooth sailing, but it is a time for being open to the infinite possibilities that life offers.
These two phases are at the cornerstone of creating your new destiny.
I do what I do through The D Spot, because I could not do it alone….I did not do it alone. I participated in personal development programs, worked with many coaches, and took the time to reframe how I view my life and future.
I made mistakes, I made a few poor decisions, but I took responsibility for my destiny and made sure that I had support to keep me accountable for moving forward…one baby step at a time.
It is my pleasure and a blessing to serve you and to support you to begin your own journey!
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