Resource Articles

Dirty Divorce Tricks, Part 2

Using a "friend" as a spy is the height of sneakiness

In case you missed Part 1, click here for my earlier countdown of the Top Ten Dirty Divorce Tricks, numbers 10 to 6.

Here are numbers 5 to 1: 

5. Spending money wildly, as a form of “payback”. Some spurned wives choose to take revenge by spending as much as they can on their husbands’ credit cards before the husbands realise what is going on. One client of mine with an Amex Centurion card received a credit card bill for £30,000 for jewellery purchased by his wife from Cartier. A further £20,000 had been taken off his card and to pay her lawyer’s bills. In such cases, the household bills may well be left unpaid. The court does have power to add back wasted monies, so all is not lost.

The Do's And Don'ts of Post-Divorce Dating

Nervous about that first post-divorce date? Don't worry. I have a few tips that will help you put your mind at ease so you can relax! Here are three Do's and three Don'ts of post-divorce dating:

• DO remember that your first date after divorce is not about looking for a new husband! Have fun. If you haven't been in the dating scene for a while, a new date is a great chance to practice your dating muscle again.

• DO stay upbeat and positive rather than talking about your baggage. Everyone has baggage at a certain age — learn to unload it gradually, over time as you and your date get closer. Remember, some mystery is good at the beginning of dating!

• DO remember that being divorced is nothing to be ashamed of. Without dwelling on details of your past, be honest about your divorce status if you are asked about your relationship history rather than have your date find out after the fact.

Dirty Divorce Tricks, Part 1

Covert operations to uncover your partner's secrets

For certain people, divorce — or even the thought of divorce — brings their very worst qualities to the fore.

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster. When people are really hurting, particularly if they have been “swapped” for somebody else, self-preservation becomes all-important. But for some, such a state of mind leads to all-consuming hatred, malice and a desire for vengeance.

After 25 years as a divorce solicitor, nothing surprises me anymore. Drawing upon my own experiences — some of them eye-opening — I have compiled a countdown of the top ten dirty divorce tricks.

The Credit Crunch Divorce

Do you get what you pay for?

The effects of the economic turbulence are laid out for all to see. This weekend I attended one of Yorkshire’s big charity balls. Last year there were no spare tables, and guests overflowed into additional halls. The ladies present were immaculately groomed and decked with twinkling jewels. Money streamed across the “casino” tables and glasses were filled with champagne. A spectacular raffle raised an extraordinary sum. This year that ball was a very different occasion, and it was sad to see. The raffle prizes raised little more than a few hundred pounds; the corporate tables taken by Yorkshire’s high flyers were few and far between.

To date, no client has told me that the current economic woes have been the direct cause of their divorce. What I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, is that the nature of divorce settlements is vastly changing. With households’ assets and incomes vastly reduced, a “clean break divorce” is now much less likely for many couples.

Stop the Suffering of Divorce

Our reaction to stressful events such as divorce can become so habitual that they occur without our awareness. We become so accustomed to reacting to stress in a certain way that it is second nature to us.

We aren't aware that we are reacting in a way that is harmful to us until we are plagued with physical or emotional problems that we can no longer ignore.

The way we react to stress depends on the way we think about a stressful event when it happens. Have you ever known anyone who seems to sail straight through the problems in their lives? There are people in the world who can deal smoothly with issues that might cripple others emotionally. I'm sure you've met such people and have even been envious of their ability to "take it on the chin."

Prenuptial Agreements: A Family Affair?

Parents of marrying couples are increasingly asking about prenups

My opinions on prenuptial agreements are well known. I don’t like them, do not believe that they are “socially necessary” and do not believe that they should be automatically legally binding. I would not have signed one myself — nor married anyone who asked me to as a precondition of marriage.

However, parents of prospective brides and grooms are coming to see me in increasing numbers, to ask about prenups. Many of these parents are wealthy, some are super-wealthy and others are not wealthy at all. What they share are concerns about what will happen if their children’s marriages break down. They don’t want any of their hard-earned cash to pass to the divorcing spouses, and they are determined to protect their money.

It’s understandable. But is it reasonable — or advisable — to expect a future son or daughter-in-law to enter into a prenuptial agreement? I’m not so sure. What is often overlooked is the effect of a prenuptial agreement on the marriage itself.

10 Ways to Redecorate After Divorce

One of my dearest clients and her husband are in the midst of a nasty separation, which is leading to an even nastier divorce. At this juncture they are in a furniture battle, throwing things across the room. Yes, like "War of the Roses."

She is devastated. I tried to console her as best I could, but to no avail. Finally, I had a better idea: Let's go shopping. With that, the twinkle came back into her eyes.

I felt she needed antique lighting to properly illuminate her new loft. So we rode up to Stamford, CT to The Hiden Galleries. These types of antique galleries are great resources. Everything is in one location, from lighting to rugs to sofas. It was instant retail therapy. We found many little treasures to help jumpstart her new life in the new apartment.

Don't forget that small changes can make a dramatic difference to the way you feel. Everyone has a different idea about interior design. My own belief has always been to make my clients feel comfortable, and at home in their own space, regardless of the size or the budget.

Making Sure You Are Financially Compatible

Talking money with your new honey

What's the first thing your girlfriends ask you when you meet that someone special, especially after going through a divorce? They typically ask you if you are emotionally compatible, spiritually compatible, or and/or physically compatible. But do they ever ask you if you are financially compatible? Probably not.

This is incredibly ironic given that time and again money is cited as #1 cause of fights, #1 cause of divorce, and top source of general life stress. The reality is dealing with the subject right front can prevent a mountain of heartache down the road.

When you think your new relationship is heading to the next level (so not on date two but when discussing moving in or marriage) it's time to "get financially naked" with each other. The point is that if you are willing to take your clothes off with someone in one way, you should be willing to take your clothes off with them financially as well. Specifically, we recommend exchanging a list of what you own, what you owe and your credit scores.

Divorce Lawyers and Second Opinions

I often see clients who are looking for second opinions on their cases. Many of them have started off with local solicitors, or solicitors they have known for many years. Typically, such a client had been brimming with confidence at first, and had been assured that family law was straightforward.

After a few months, however, the client will have found themselves no further forward in their divorce, and cannot see a way out. Frequently the only practical advice given to them is, “let’s look at a settlement when we know the whole picture”. Bogged down in paperwork which purports to give “the whole picture” when it doesn’t, they begin to despair. The solicitor remains reluctant to give advice about what settlement should be in the offing. With the process dragging on, costs are mounting.

I don’t wish to blow my own trumpet, but family law is much more complex than it may appear to be at first sight. I make this point to lawyers rather than clients, because lawyers tend to think it is a relatively easy field of law. It isn’t.