The basic and average family unit consists of one maternal unit, one paternal unit, and on average two child units. This is the way children (including myself) are taught. That is what they believe to be unequivocally true along with such things as 2+2=4 and their ABC's. What divorce is, in the most stripped-down and harshest of terms, is the destruction of the basic family unit and a core belief in your child. 

Depending on age and lifestyle-based circumstances, I guess you could say that your child will be affected in millions of different ways and possibilities than the kid next door or even me. That being said, I bet you're wondering, "What about my teenager? How will s/he deal with this?" It's floating somewhere in your mind, and frankly, it's a matter of great concern.

I was a few months into my sixteenth year of life when my parents decided to get a divorce. Granted, it was more of a one-sided decision, but that's a story for another day. Right now, let's just focus on your teenager. Firstly, we know that your teen is very in tune with their family unit, they've had at least thirteen years to get used to it, and probably have become attached to it by now. We also can safely assume that they observe, and mentally note the matter that their parents have been fighting an awful lot. Well, I'm going to share with you a secret about your teen. They're afraid of a lot of things, even if under torture they would never admit it! In the back of their heads, every time a huge argument breaks out in the house is this little thought bubble that asks "What if Mom and Dad got divorced?".

My parents divorced when I was 4 and my brother was 1, but even being that young I can clearly remember the day my Dad first took us to his new home. It was a one-bedroom apartment in Jamaica, Queens, and coming from our sweet suburban house on Long Island, it seemed very shocking — like we had just been taken to a foreign country. I remember thinking that I would really have to look after my little brother now that we were spending weekends in "the city". When we got into the elevator, I remember that it was painted bright yellow; my Dad looked at me and said, "I told them to paint it yellow because it is my daughter's favorite color." And I felt better. We were still in the scary city, but I felt that maybe my brother and I would be OK here. (Years later that comment would come back to me and all of sudden I would realize that my Dad was joking and that of course they hadn't painted the elevator yellow for me — and I'll admit, I was a little disappointed at that...) What I realize now is that, in that comment, my Dad made me feel that I was a part of this new place too.

Whether it's a house in the 'burbs or an apartment in the city, that new home, at first, will be totally foreign to the kids. And it's important to accept that. Don't try to force the kids to love it or to feel like it's their 2nd home. It's going to take time — the way it would for any person in a new space.

My parent's move toward divorce started four years ago, right before I left for college. In some ways I have been fortunate, because I haven't been home through all the ups and downs.

Usually, during major holidays and other such events, my older sister and I split them between our parents. Christmas eve we usually have dinner with my dad, Christmas day is spent with my mom. Most of the time, major family events are tolerable but I have also had some awful experiences. Last summer, I attended my cousin's wedding with my father and sister. I spent the entire reception in the bathroom crying while my father led my distant relatives to believe I was upset over my no-show date. I was really upset that my Dad promised me, without fail, he would pay my education, no questions asked. By the end of last summer, he was using my tuition payments and me as a way to make my mom angrier, and add fuel to the fire.

This month I am graduating from college, and the traditions are not conducive to segmented families. Each family at my school rents a tent with their friends on the quad for festivities after commencement, which will inevitably force my parents under one roof for one more day. I have approached this situation with the mentality that, if everyone is prepared ahead of time, things will more likely run better. I have spoken with both my parents concerning their behavior at my graduation, asking to please not argue, and keep in mind that this is my graduation. As a result, my dad has agreed to avoid my mom and vice versa. This is the best that can be done for my situation right now but it's a good start.

My parents divorced when I was three, so my memories of that period are fuzzy to say the least. I don't remember my mother telling me she was divorcing my father, nor the day he moved out. In fact, my two earliest memories are both dreams. In one, my mother died, and I cried as I watched her body ascend to Heaven (while Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" played!). In the other, my father tried to leave me outside my preschool. He had the ability to fly; I did not. While my knowledge of Freudian dream analysis is admittedly limited, it's pretty obvious I had some abandonment issues going on.

But you're not reading this for Freudian analysis. You want to know if and how I survived my parents' divorce, and how to navigate "the grey zone" of child custody — the period between separation and an official divorce ruling.

First, the good news: I did survive divorce. And 33 years after the fact, I'm a remarkably well-adjusted guy (and modest to boot). In fact, most of my friends are also children of divorce, and they're a damn fine bunch of people, too. So breathe a deep sigh of relief — your children aren't doomed!

In my case, custody was never an issue. My mother wanted full custody; my father didn't. So there was no tug-of-war, no ugly battle in court. The arrangement was set from the day my father moved out: I lived with Mom, and had visits with Dad on weekends.

Let me start out by saying I personally think my childhood was perfect. I had two loving parents who showered me with attention and affection and I never wanted for anything. I was very well taken care of and given a strong religious background that I can only thank my parents for today.

What might surprise you (now hold onto your seat)... I'm also a child of divorce. I know...how scandalous! Well, at least it was back then when my parents got divorced.

My name is Antonio Martinez, I'm 35, and when my parents divorced I was 12. Did it have an impact on me? I can honestly say, "Not that much". I was lucky. My parents didn't allow it to have a damaging impact on me. I guess I have to back up a bit and tell you a little bit about my parents.

I was what you would call an "extremely planned baby". My parents were married for years before they had me and they read every book they could on raising a well-adjusted child. So it is no shocker that they did the same when they decided to divorce.

So you might be asking now, "So how did they tell you? What did they do?" Well, actually it came in the form of a question. My mother sat me down one day when I came home for a weekend from summer camp (I went to a summer camp that lasted all summer. I was at camp for 3 weeks, come home for a weekend, then went right back to camp for another 3 weeks), I remember mom asking me, "How would you feel if when you came back from camp your father wasn't here?"

She went on to tell me that they would stay together for me if that were what I wanted. I believe she was sincere in saying that and probably would have hung in there till I was 18 and off to college if that were my choice. I looked at my mother after her short but powerful speech and said, "If it means you and dad will be happier, get the divorce, because I know you aren't happy".