The basic and average family unit consists of one maternal unit, one paternal unit, and on average two child units. This is the way children (including myself) are taught. That is what they believe to be unequivocally true along with such things as 2+2=4 and their ABC's. What divorce is, in the most stripped-down and harshest of terms, is the destruction of the basic family unit and a core belief in your child. 

Depending on age and lifestyle-based circumstances, I guess you could say that your child will be affected in millions of different ways and possibilities than the kid next door or even me. That being said, I bet you're wondering, "What about my teenager? How will s/he deal with this?" It's floating somewhere in your mind, and frankly, it's a matter of great concern.

I was a few months into my sixteenth year of life when my parents decided to get a divorce. Granted, it was more of a one-sided decision, but that's a story for another day. Right now, let's just focus on your teenager. Firstly, we know that your teen is very in tune with their family unit, they've had at least thirteen years to get used to it, and probably have become attached to it by now. We also can safely assume that they observe, and mentally note the matter that their parents have been fighting an awful lot. Well, I'm going to share with you a secret about your teen. They're afraid of a lot of things, even if under torture they would never admit it! In the back of their heads, every time a huge argument breaks out in the house is this little thought bubble that asks "What if Mom and Dad got divorced?".

After a difficult divorce, Becky Rohrer was jobless with a baby to support. Instead of re-entering the 9-to-5 world, she put all her savings into an abandoned house in Westerville, Ohio and transformed it into The College Inn Bed & Breakfast.

Becky's decision to invest in herself and start a small business opened up a whole new world for her. She boosted her self-esteem and created a flexible lifestyle that allowed her to spend precious time with her son as he was growing up.

The leap from employee to entrepreneur is challenging. Our exclusive firstwivesworld series will help you discover whether you have what it takes. As Becky Rohrer discovered, the rewards can be enormous. Being your own boss can offer you the freedom to do work you really love. It can also be the path to financial independence. While launching a venture is very time intensive and demanding, successful business owners often earn more than they would working for someone else.

If starting a small business sounds appealing, you will need a road map. Based on frontline advice from the entrepreneurs interviewed in my new book, Birthing the Elephant, here is what you should do:

Pursue your passion: Desire is a powerful motivator: It will help fuel your emotional stamina and give you the staying power to overcome the barriers you'll hit along the way. Identify a hobby or area of interest that truly excites you. Dig deep for an idea with strong business potential that you're prepared to mobilize all your resources to drive forward.

Consider all the hoopla around weddings. Your family and friends surround you and pronounce, through their words and deeds, that they stand by your side during this life-changing experience. The band or DJ plays your favorite tune as you and your husband sway together wrapped in each other's arms. It's a great moment in your life.

Yet when you choose to make an equally life-changing experience to end your marriage, there are no rented dance halls, elaborate floral arrangements or three-layered cakes. And, more importantly, there is often no support around you for the decision that you make. There are many reasons to decide to leave a marriage, just as there are many reasons to start one. The problem is, you don't have nearly so much explaining to do when you are putting the ring on as you do when you are permanently taking the ring off. Many couples I talk to say that they feel pressure from family and friends to stay together in the marriage for one prevailing reason: the children.

Admittedly, I'm one of those therapists who supports people staying in a marriage that's less than ideal, particularly if there are children involved. If there is domestic violence in the household, or any dangerousness, either from substance abuse or sexual infidelity, then leaving a marriage may be the only option left. But, the fact is, for many reasons, marriages end.

Most children haven't read the textbooks on human psychology, but they have an uncanny suspicion that an ideal world is one in which their mother and their father participate together in bringing them up. The problem for the children is that they cannot choose whether their parents stay together. That sobering reality leaves parents who decide to split with the possibility that their children, whom they have promised to protect against harm at all costs, may suffer.

My parents divorced when I was 4 and my brother was 1, but even being that young I can clearly remember the day my Dad first took us to his new home. It was a one-bedroom apartment in Jamaica, Queens, and coming from our sweet suburban house on Long Island, it seemed very shocking — like we had just been taken to a foreign country. I remember thinking that I would really have to look after my little brother now that we were spending weekends in "the city". When we got into the elevator, I remember that it was painted bright yellow; my Dad looked at me and said, "I told them to paint it yellow because it is my daughter's favorite color." And I felt better. We were still in the scary city, but I felt that maybe my brother and I would be OK here. (Years later that comment would come back to me and all of sudden I would realize that my Dad was joking and that of course they hadn't painted the elevator yellow for me — and I'll admit, I was a little disappointed at that...) What I realize now is that, in that comment, my Dad made me feel that I was a part of this new place too.

Whether it's a house in the 'burbs or an apartment in the city, that new home, at first, will be totally foreign to the kids. And it's important to accept that. Don't try to force the kids to love it or to feel like it's their 2nd home. It's going to take time — the way it would for any person in a new space.

For those of you making even a little bit more than you need for your fixed expenses, we are going to start a gentle and sustainable saving process that will help you build an emergency fund or, better yet, an investment fun.

After a recent personal budget review, I realized that I have been systematically spending more than I am making. I have a strict "no credit card debt" policy, so I was simply going to savings each month to pay everything off and thinking the following month I would be sure to spend less and make up for extra spending the month before. After 9 months or more, my savings account is teetering on extinction.

The cost of my children's after school activities started mounting and I could not say no to many expensive private lessons and sports activities.  Add summer camp to that, a new needed sofa and computer, and you can see how quickly the costs add up.

Hopefully by now you went through your budget and determined an amount that we can take off the top every month and set aside. The strategy is to pay yourself first. In this process, I am assuming you are receiving a traditional paycheck where taxes and  401k contributions are already taken out. I am assuming you are maximizing your 401k and now we are building a personal savings account in addition to your retirement account.

The amount you save per month can be as low at $25 or as high as you can commit to month after month. The objective is for you to put this money permanently aside for a 6-month cash reserve or begin a long-term investment account.

My parent's move toward divorce started four years ago, right before I left for college. In some ways I have been fortunate, because I haven't been home through all the ups and downs.

Usually, during major holidays and other such events, my older sister and I split them between our parents. Christmas eve we usually have dinner with my dad, Christmas day is spent with my mom. Most of the time, major family events are tolerable but I have also had some awful experiences. Last summer, I attended my cousin's wedding with my father and sister. I spent the entire reception in the bathroom crying while my father led my distant relatives to believe I was upset over my no-show date. I was really upset that my Dad promised me, without fail, he would pay my education, no questions asked. By the end of last summer, he was using my tuition payments and me as a way to make my mom angrier, and add fuel to the fire.

This month I am graduating from college, and the traditions are not conducive to segmented families. Each family at my school rents a tent with their friends on the quad for festivities after commencement, which will inevitably force my parents under one roof for one more day. I have approached this situation with the mentality that, if everyone is prepared ahead of time, things will more likely run better. I have spoken with both my parents concerning their behavior at my graduation, asking to please not argue, and keep in mind that this is my graduation. As a result, my dad has agreed to avoid my mom and vice versa. This is the best that can be done for my situation right now but it's a good start.

When Ellen was planning her parents' 50th wedding anniversary, one of the most difficult things she faced was convincing her ex to switch vacation schedules so their son could attend the gala event in California.

"Bob is a rigid digit. I knew he was going to give me a hard time because he resents being shut out of my family. Bob loved my parents and he would have liked to attend their celebration which was never going to happen. Not if they wanted me there!"

The upshot is Bob stuck to his guns. The boy missed the party and was furious with his father.

For both parents and children, visitation is critical in establishing a healthy working relationship during and after divorce. A flexible visitation pattern demonstrates love and support for your child. Parents who cooperate are able to separate their spousal relationship from their parenting relationship. They use visitation as an opportunity for healing, not an opportunity for revenge.

That said, how should you handle important events if you and your ex are constantly engaged in a standoff? How can you make the best of a difficult situation? Here are some pointers:

School conferences are always a challenge. If your child needs special services, arrange for a one-on-one conference and ask that a summary of any recommendations be sent to each of you so you and your ex are on the same page.

Pageants, plays and recitals often have more than one performance. Communicate the one you plan to attend. If you cannot agree, you could, of course, sit in the balcony with a paper bag over your head, but that wouldn't be very adult.

Sports events, fortunately, have bleachers. Sit far enough away from your ex but make sure to cheer loud enough for your child to hear you.