Part 3 of a 3-part series:

Something shifted for Clare Bean when she met her fellow single mom, Morgan Siler. There were the obvious parallels in their lives. Both were late 20-something single moms. Both had a son around a year old. Both lived in suburban Portland in neighboring Westside communities.

There was the electric boost of connecting with a like-minded soul.

A year later the women are partners in the upstart networking website Iheartsingleparents.com.

“You can do what you love to do,” Bean says. “You just have to figure out what it is, plan it out and go for it.”

She and Siler share office space in Portland’s trendy Pearl District, from which they manage the site and their individual pursuits. Bean is a graphic and web designer; Siler is a photographer.

“There’s nothing like doing your passion for a living,” Bean says. “Even though we’re not really making a living yet.

“Coming from the corporate world, I was just dead.”

Working for herself provides Bean with the flexibility to spend time with her son, Colby, who is now 2. She is Colby’s custodial parent. He lives full time with her, but spends a few days a week with his dad. Bean separated from her son’s father during her pregnancy. The spilt forced Bean to redefine herself and her expectations, which ultimately led her to ditch her dreaded 9-to-5 routine.

“I always saw myself in that perfect family, but now I don’t have to define happiness as living in a two-parent home,” she says.

What Bean and Siler hope I Heart members gain is the same sense of community. The community (like FWW) will help them endure single parenting and give them the courage to make giant leaps of faith.

“The quality of life is so much better when you have that feeling of community and family,” Siler says. “When you have the feeling that it’s not you against the world.”

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Part 2 of a 3-part series:

When Clare Bean and Morgan Siler, single mothers in Portland, Oregon, were introduced by a mutual friend last year, their quick connection shattered the isolation of mothering alone.

“It was a jolt of confidence,” Siler says. “The kind you have when you meet someone who gets you. You feel like you can accomplish so much more together than apart, whether that means you run a business together, like we do, or not.

“It’s just that partnership that allows you to live life a little easier.”

The women, both mothers of young sons, became each other’s support system and biggest cheerleaders. They’d meet up with their boys, Lucca and Colby, and bounce around the ideas that found form in a new social network site for single parents.

Their site, iheartsingleparents.com, launched a beta version in February, followed by regular meet-ups for Portland-area members. Think drinks and potluck dinners, bike rides and camping trips.

“It’s a way to not feel so alone, but also to not gather and wallow in misery,” Bean says. “To be happy and proud of who you are.”

What they’re hoping to create at I Heart is an entry point to connect people who are isolated by circumstance and the day-to-day logistics of managing fulltime work and solo parenting.

“Single parents are kind of lost in the woodwork,” Siler says. “They’re out there, but how to meet them?”

To date more than 600 members have joined I Heart trying to find the answer to that question.

“Kind of an undercurrent of the site is showing people they are empowered and responsible for themselves and the happiness in their lives regardless of the situation,” Siler says.

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Searching for a job can be an intimidating process. And if you’ve just been through a divorce, or are facing one, you no doubt have added anxiety about where your life is going. Whether you’re re-entering the job market after being at home, or hoping to set off in a whole new direction, there are some tricks you can use to get the job you want.

Proceed by Indirection

What you want is a face-to-face conversation with someone who can help you. But don’t think in terms of people who can offer you a job. You want to start with someone who will meet you and give you valuable information about a company or a particular kind of work. Most importantly, they will give you more contacts. Job seekers often waste time asking other people for a job instead of gathering information. So how do you get information?

• When you set up a meeting make it clear that you are interested only in information.

• Use friends, former co-workers, or networking groups to find contacts in the field in which you want to work. Then set up meetings at their offices, or offer to take them on a coffee break. People may be busy, but they are flattered if they know you want to get their analysis of their company or their field of work.

• Come right out and say what you hope to get from the meeting. You may say you're recommitting yourself to your career, or that you’re interested in widgets, and you know their company is the premier widget-maker, and you want to learn more about widget-making (or about marketing widgets, or about servicing widgets, etc.) Or you can say you’ve been away from the field for a few years, and want an insider’s take on what has changed.

• Once you set a meeting, read up on the person, the company, and on widget-making in general. You want to ask relevant questions and present yourself as professional and knowledgeable.

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Part 1 of a 3-part series 

If there’s a place in the United States where families are not expected to conform to the nuclear ideal, it’s Portland, Oregon. There are “Keep Portland Weird” stickers pasted on cars all over town.

Try opening a Wal-Mart here and you’d better be ready to battle.

Walk into the country’s largest independent bookstore, Powell’s City of Books, and along with any title you can imagine, you can grab a “People’s Republic of Portland” T-shirt.

In a city that’s been labeled the most livable and also among the most bike-, baby-, dog-, public transportation-, and sex shop-friendly in the county, the reigning dress code is come as you are.

While single parenting may be less stigmatized here than it is in more conservative places (read: just about everywhere else), no amount of progressive thought, sustainable building practices, or micro-brews can change the universal truth: being a single mom (or dad) is isolating.

Enter Morgan Siler and Clare Bean. The two suburban-Portland women recently launched Iheartsingleparents.com, a website aimed at creating virtual and physical connections among single parents.

Siler, 28, and Bean, 29, were introduced last year by a mutual friend. They were each going it alone with a 1 year-old son. The connection was a godsend.

Siler had just finished graduate school when she became pregnant. She wasn’t married, and her baby’s father wasn’t interested in becoming a daddy.

From the beginning, she was on her own and searching for others like her — a mentor or a role model to give her perspective, just someone who “got it.”

“I was just interested in meeting other single moms who’d been doing it for a couple years and were genuinely happy, who felt like they had reached a level of success however they define that,” she says.

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As men set their sights on women’s earnings, their entrepreneurial spirits, and sometimes, their celebrity value, women are increasingly finding the picture of so-called equality looking very strange. How is it that women increasingly are paying alimony?

Almost one in three married women makes more money than their spouses do. This economic statistic is certainly a factor why women increasingly are paying alimony.
However, in our society, women seem surprised to have to pay alimony even if they earn more.

This is because it is a fairly recent phenomenon in our legal courts. Secondly, for many women who are breadwinners (in a failed marriage), it’s not as if they ever expected to out earn their husbands, or do all of the heavy lifting in the family, or end up giving him spending money as you would do with a child. Women often feel cheated by the legal system because it is possible that they have to reward a sit at home bum.

The wife’s sense of being the victim is intensified when children are involved. Women share disproportionately the burden of money making, household chores, and child rearing. This is usually compounded by the lack of gratitude, appreciation, and emotional support a breadwinner is typically afforded by the household.

I have assisted many divorcing women who face the prospect of paying alimony. Our financial strategy is predicated upon her entire contribution to the family, including her spouse. Most importantly, they realize they are not an anomaly. They are freed of social stigma and part of a trend that is growing in ranks.

After a difficult divorce, Becky Rohrer was jobless with a baby to support. Instead of re-entering the 9-to-5 world, she put all her savings into an abandoned house in Westerville, Ohio and transformed it into The College Inn Bed & Breakfast.

Becky's decision to invest in herself and start a small business opened up a whole new world for her. She boosted her self-esteem and created a flexible lifestyle that allowed her to spend precious time with her son as he was growing up.

The leap from employee to entrepreneur is challenging. Our exclusive firstwivesworld series will help you discover whether you have what it takes. As Becky Rohrer discovered, the rewards can be enormous. Being your own boss can offer you the freedom to do work you really love. It can also be the path to financial independence. While launching a venture is very time intensive and demanding, successful business owners often earn more than they would working for someone else.

If starting a small business sounds appealing, you will need a road map. Based on frontline advice from the entrepreneurs interviewed in my new book, Birthing the Elephant, here is what you should do:

Pursue your passion: Desire is a powerful motivator: It will help fuel your emotional stamina and give you the staying power to overcome the barriers you'll hit along the way. Identify a hobby or area of interest that truly excites you. Dig deep for an idea with strong business potential that you're prepared to mobilize all your resources to drive forward.

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A job search can be intimidating for even the most confident person. It's all the more daunting after an emotional set back like divorce.

Perhaps you want to start a whole new life direction for yourself. Or maybe you're re-entering the job market after a long absence.

Are your skills current? How you will handle an interview? How you will measure up against other job-seekers? Here's how to brush yourself off and make your job search pay off:

Fill in the blanks. Is there a gap in your resume staring you in the face? Find a way to fill it. Even if you weren't working outside the home, you still developed and maintained many skills that translate to the workplace. Present them in a way that shows off your strengths and demonstrates that you're qualified to handle ANYTHING that comes your way. Chances you did something that called for business skills. Did you:

• •Organize the Scout cookie drive, food bank collection, wreath sales?
• •Work as a teacher's aid, or in the office of your local school?
• •Volunteer to support of a political candidate or environmental cause?
• •Write, edit or publish your school/church newsletter?

These types of experience are just as important as those used in a paying job, so list them. If you haven't done any volunteer work, address the gap in your cover letter. Add a few sentences to say after being out of the workforce for several years to raise a family (certainly no small feat in itself!) you are ready and eager to return.

Get current. It may be time to hit the books. If you're looking for office work but your computer experience begins and ends with Solitaire, get busy and take some classes. Here's how you can get started:

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If you are a divorced single Mother one of the biggest challenges you will face is the issue of childcare. Whether you are a working mother with multiple young children or a stay at home mom who needs a hand, you are probably asking the question "How can I go about finding quality childcare"?

There are several options, however the two most common methods would be using a placement Agency, or using an online resource.

Using a placement Agency has many advantages, for instance, if money is not an issue one should do the research and consider a good reputable Agency. An Agency simply does all the work involved in vigorously screening candidates before they are presented to a prospective employer, providing clients with support, trial and guarantee periods. In addition, the Agency runs all the necessary background checks involved. Agency Fee's are usually based on a percentage of the employee's annual salary which is usually several thousand dollars. This can be a tremendous disadvantage for a divorced Mother on a fixed budget!

Using an online service offers advantages too at a fraction of the cost. Of course, you must do all the screening, interviewing, emailing, phone calling and background checks yourself. However, the nice thing is that this can all be done in the convenience of your home or office at anytime, during or after business hours. You have the control as opposed to having to go through or reach an Agency representative.

As a nanny expert in the field I suggest that you evaluate your situation (i.e., finances, and time frame) If you have the luxury of using both methods you should do so. Remember, these are your children!
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