Forty years ago, my mother got divorced at a time when women weren’t getting divorced. Her divorce propelled her to start and run her own business and find her beloved soul mate.

I too went through divorce, and it pushed me to write a book that became a best seller, to found a coaching institute and go out around the country as a speaker.

If you were going to use your divorce as a catalyst to create the most extraordinary life, what would that life look like?

How could you make your divorce the greatest thing to ever happen to you? This is what’s possible in a Spiritual Divorce.

A Spiritual Divorce is one in which we use our divorce to improve our lives and our experience becomes a gain instead of a loss. A Spiritual Divorce brings us back into the presence of our highest self and heals the split between our ego and our soul.

When we use our divorces to heal our wounds, to learn, grow and develop ourselves into more loving, conscious human beings, we have truly had a spiritual experience and a liberation of our souls. Rather than staying stuck in the pain of our broken hearts, a Spiritual Divorce causes us to reconnect to the highest aspects of our being.

It is here in the presence of our highest self that we can reclaim our power, our joy and the limitless freedom to create the life of our dreams.

If you’re going through a divorce right now, this may sound like a tall order, an impossible task.

You may be having the worst experience of your life and can’t even consider the possibility that your divorce could turn into something positive. Or you may be relieved to call it quits.

It is important to know that the breakdown of your relationship is for a greater purpose.

Have you tried to reach your attorney and he or she won’t come to the phone? Are you not sure you attorney is representing your best interests? Sometimes the only course is to divorce your divorce attorney.

Here are five reasons to do it:

• Personality Clash. Maybe your attorney’s brutal aggression and blunt attitude was exciting when you met, but now that the whip’s been turned on you, it doesn’t feel so good. Plus, your attorney is making your husband’s attorney angry, turning the judge against you, and making the whole case run on and on. You just don’t like your attorney and don’t want to work another day with him or her.

• Mishandling the Case. You’ve gotten a second and third opinion on your case and have discovered new strategies and cost-saving ideas that your current attorney ignores. You don’t want to waste another minute or dime hitting dead ends.

• The Never-ending Case. The divorce negotiations were moving along fine, but now, things are stuck. You can’t get a straight answer from your attorney about what’s holding things up, and that’s if you can get a call through. You think your case has been pushed to the side and, at this point, you’d rather find a new attorney, go to a mediator, or handle the case yourself, pro se, rather than pay this attorney for nothing.

• Too Much Money. Your attorney gave you an original estimate that now seems like a walk in the park. Costs have doubled (while the case is going as predicted) and your wallet is being drained. When you ask for an explanation of charges, the answer doesn’t make sense.

Weddings are always emotional. When we add divorced parents to the celebration, the day can become especially stressful, if not completely explosive.

It does not have to be!

Here’s how I handle the hundreds of marrying couples we have counseled: We enroll the parents as to their responsibility for making this a happy day for the new couple. Sure, complaints come flying at us: “my new family has to sit in the third row, my new partner is not invited, the stepfather is giving way the bride,” and more and more. We enroll the couple to carefully plan all aspects of parental participation. Any problems, and there usually are some, are brought to us and we will mediate to an outcome.

Should you be managing this on your own, here a few suggestions for success.

• First take a look at the etiquette books. They are now discussing this issue.

• All arrangements must be worked out beforehand by the couple.

• Plan, plan, plan — the three most important words before the ceremony.

• No mater how much animosity, parents must agree to be civil.

• Talk with them. Get their agreement. (Pray they will keep it).

• Make sure mom, dad, stepmother and stepfather, if you are blessed with all, are properly introduced. The younger person is always presented to the older.

• Enroll a companion (baby sitter) for each potentially disruptive parent. It could be the Best Man or the Maid of Honor. They will not be sitting at the parent’s table, but they are told to make sure the people they are assigned to are take care of. Make sure mom has someone to dance with and perhaps even greet her at the door.

Do all the negotiating and getting of agreements as far in advance as possible. Reinforce the positive.

Many people wonder about the kind of relationship, if any, they should have with step-children, “half’ siblings, and other extended young family members. Is it really necessary to have a relationship with your ex’s step-child?

In any kind of relationship there is the opportunity to build up or to tear down. So when the question arises about relationships between adults and children often more than 40 years of age apart, the issue is: If you do want to have a relationship with this child, are you capable of taking a positive stand on the child’s behalf? Are you able to relate with kindness and compassion?

A positive stand means to come from a position that allows you to believe in the best possible outcome for you both. Of course that’s not easy to do — because there are so many other more negative or primitive feelings that can come up in the adult. A threat to survival or a change in everyday routines will bring up intensely strong feelings in both adults and children. This child may have disrupted where and how you live. Whether this disruption is by accident or design doesn’t matter. That’s a very strong effect upon you.

So in order to have a full relationship with the Steps and the Halves — by marriage or by genetics — you have to be able to take a positive stand that allows for you to be kind and thoughtful to the child. Of course, sometimes the biological parent will discourage contact, but if they maintain some kind of neutrality, then the choice is yours.

Every woman who has gone through a divorce knows it can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than it would to be single.

Being without a man is really not the survival test it is made out to be. Instead, when single, you can are in control and can enjoy the luxury of managing your own world. The whole universe your oyster!

As a single woman you have so many distinct, delicious possibilities to explore — far more than someone who's married. Seize the day. For now, your life gets to be all about you — you your attention can be directed at your desires rather than subject to the whim of a protesting partner.

You can focus on making sure that your working life works for you. You have the time to search for the right job, and then to concentrate on excelling in it. You have the sole say as to how you spend the disposable that is a product of your labor! There is no other half complaining you should be spending money on new wall paint rather than a new nail polish.

You can get the body you want — no one is pressurizing you to keep up with their penchant for calorific takeouts. Take this opportunity to gain control over your habits. You can decide how to spend your free time without fear that it will conflict with anyone else's agenda. At a moment's notice you can take a trip to the gym... or enjoy a quiet night in under the covers with an eye mask and large tub of Ben & Jerry's!

You are in the driving seat of your destiny — and the type of vehicle you motor around in. Who said that a pink mini-cooper was not a sensible car? Home is your domain — if you want, you can take pride in it and perfectly feng shui your pad without fear of a smelly soccer equipment voiding its vibe. And its location is YOUR choice. You can go for a shoebox with a fabulous location if you want — there's no one complaining about the lack of outdoor space for BBQ'ing.

This question is asked by many people in step relationships, and the questioners sometimes have their own agenda. It can be quite human to, well, not be so unhappy if your kids hate the woman who was responsible for the demise of your marriage. But is hating the step mom healthy for the kids? The answer is a resounding NO.

Hate is a very strong emotion, and not one that you want your kids to walk around with. They will be spending time with their step-mom, and surely you don’t want them to hate this time. So, here are some ideas on how to deal with this.

First, it is really unlikely that their stepmother is a hateful person. This tells me that it isn’t the person they hate but the situation of being children of divorce and having to now share their father with someone else. With this in mind, I counsel moms to talk to their kids about the situation (divorce and remarriage) being the thing that they dislike — not a person. Help them to see this and you’ve taken a big step.

The absolute best way to foster a better relationship between your kids and their stepmother is to model it. While you don’t have to be friends, there are a lot of things you can do. Ask nicely about her after they have spent some time with her. Encourage them to see the good in her — not the bad. Suggest activities they can do with her. Let them see you interact well with her. This can be over the phone, at a “drop off”, a school event. By acting nicely to her, you are giving them permission to do the same.