In true Drama Queen fashion, Heather Mills McCartney spent the week trashing the media and generally being hysterical. Now she's demanding her soon-to-be ex-husband, Paul McCartney, go on record as saying she's nice and not a gold-digger — as part of the divorce settlement. It sounds like she's asking him to commit perjury. I don't even know what to say about that.

Then we have Dermot Mulroney, splitting up with his wife of 17 years, Catherine Keener. I don't have anything to say about that, either, because I'm very busy figuring out how to become his next wife. I've always wanted a Christmas wedding.

Kevin Federline's new girlfriend, Nicole Narain, has spilled the beans on a whole bunch of Britney Spears drama. Apparently, when Britney filed for divorce, she didn't actually tell Kevin. He heard it on the radio. And they say radio is a dead medium.

In other Britney news, her divorce papers have been unsealed and their financial details revealed. Hold on to your muffin, dear reader — Britney spends $102,000 a month on entertainment — and that's just what she admits to. Math geeks will note that her mortgage payment is less than half that amount.

Finally, Carlos Santana is getting divorced after 34 years of marriage. Everything seemed to be going fine until his wife, Deborah Santana, wrote a tell-all memoir about his years of infidelity. Ouch.