Just how do women get through infidelity in marriage? Does infidelity always lead to divorce?

These are questions the media and armchair pundits are pondering in the aftermath of the Spitzer sex scandal. Psychologists and academics say the obligation to remain sexually faithful to one's spouse continues to carry a lot of weight, at least in the U.S. In France and Italy, it's something else altogether. But in the U.S., among all the marital problems one can have, infidelity is the one most likely to lead to divorce.

Sociologists' research on infidelity shows that men are routinely motivated by sex, while women stray outside the bounds of marriage in search of emotional intimacy, the kind they're not receiving from their spouse. Yes, more men than women cheat, but the numbers are increasing for both genders.

In fact, a 1994 study by sociologist Edward Lauman found that 10 percent to 11 percent of spouses had cheated in the previous year; over a lifetime, the study revealed about 18 percent of women and 24 percent of men reported an extramarital affair. More recently, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that nearly 90 percent of participants said it's morally wrong for married individuals to have an affair, which may or may not involve sex. Nearly the same percentage said adultery is morally wrong.

Notably, experts say that wives are more likely to forgive a cheating spouse and remain in the marriage particularly if the infidelity was committed with a prostitute or a one-night stand, versus a mistress or someone with whom a longer-term emotional bond was formed. However men are much less forgiving of their cheating wives; most don't tolerate their wives' indiscretions and view infidelity as a statement about their manhood.

The hand-wringing over Silda Wall Spitzer's future with her now defamed husband, the governor of New York, has officially begun. Newspapers, talk radio, TV pundits, therapists and armchair shrinks — yeah, that's you and me and all of us — all chipping in with our two cents.

Silda, Silda, Silda... Whatever was she thinking standing by her cheatin' hubby, the gov of New York? Well, she and the gov are married for 20 years. They have three kids together. She shelved her prestigious and lucrative legal career to raise the kids and to be a dutiful political wife. She's also a passionate philanthropist and organizer, having founded a children's advocacy program (Children for Children), among other activities.

This is a dynamic woman. She is no fool. Will her children, three beautiful girls, ever be able to trust the men in their lives? What message does it send to them if she stays?

All bets are off on Silda's marriage. Yep. In what's likely to become the Super Bowl of divorces, I anticipate a separation and divorce proceedings to begin within six to eight months, or at least before the end of 2008.

It seems like every week we report on a new country experiencing an upswing in divorce, and India is no different. I read an eye-opening piece the other day about the rise of Indian divorce, and some of the possible causes.

The article basically said that three things are at the root of the Indian divorce boom. One, couples have more money, making them less dependent on their families for support. Two, women are becoming more economically self-sufficient than ever before, making them less dependent on their husbands. Three, and probably most notably, Western influence has become more ingrained in Indian culture, making the traditional Indian marriage not good enough anymore.

Couples want love, instead of just family-sanctioned baby-making. It seems Indian couples are in a real catch-22. The only way they can break free from traditional cultural norms is to distance themselves from their parents and extended families. If they do that, however, they lose the support structure that is inherent within that way of life. While it's easy to look at a rise in divorce as a bad thing, I think it rarely means that more marriages are failing. It means that just as many marriages are failing, but now the parties involved are empowered enough to do something about it.

The piece referenced one woman, Christina, who ran home to her family because her new husband was beating her and kicking her out of the house in the middle of the night. Her parents' first reaction was the old-style one -- they sent her home and told her to make it work. Later, Christina found out that her husband was gay, and went back to her parents. This time, they welcomed her back, understanding that the marriage wasn't going to work.

Do you sometimes find yourself forgetting what life with your spouse was like before you got married? Well, now there is a group in California that can help you do something about that.

The California Healthy Marriages Coalition has come up with the "Ten Great Dates" program, which it offers to couples 18 years of age and older. The concept is a rather simple one. Couples meet up at a central location to watch a thematic video, which changes every week for ten weeks. After the video, couples discuss as a group what they thought of the film and the ideas that were introduced, then they go on their own date.

The purpose of the meeting is to promote better communication between partners, anger resolution, and balancing a busy lifestyle — all things that can lead to trouble in any marriage. By participating in the meetings, couples in all stages of marriage can work on resolving problems before they become an issue. And since child care is provided on-site, you don't even have to worry about what to do with the kids while you're gone.

The idea of couples participating in marriage counselling before issues arise is not a new one, but here it is done in a new way. The group not only provides avenues for discussion but an actual practical way for you and your partner to make time for each other, something many married couples forget to do.

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Just in time for the holidays, it's another lesson on post-divorce dating. These tips come courtesy of a Chicago relationship counselor who is a contributor to NBC's Today Show. And they come with the usual set of caveats.

If you have children, you have to be careful about dating after your divorce. And if you've been out of the game for a while, you need to be a little cautious and ease yourself back into it. But she offers up many common-sense ideas that you should keep in mind once you make that decision to "get back out there."

Rediscover yourself: You have to get back in touch with who you are and what makes you tick. What are you interested in now? May not be the same things as when you were married or before.

It's OK to date Mr. Right Now: I'm not sure I totally agree with this one, but I see what she's getting at. The idea is that even if a guy doesn't give you butterflies — even if you just enjoy his company and nothing else — go ahead and spend some time with him. Get out of the house and get some dating practice.

Don't turn a date into a bitch session: Complaining about your ex is bad form. If you start spending real quality time with someone, you'll know when the time is right to go into depth about your past.

Introducing your kids: There's no hard and fast rule here. You don't want to do it too soon. You don't want your kids to get attached to someone who won't be in your life long-term. You don't want your kids to get angry or hurt. It's a minefield. Easy does it and a little at a time seem to be the best rules of thumb.

Taking it to the next level: When do you sleep with someone? She gave a good piece of advice here: Only have sex that is emotionally healthy. And it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) she means emotionally healthy in the broader sense. It's always emotionally healthy in the moment.

They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Better still — by our estimation, anyway — is to have loved, lost, and then loved again.

That's what happened to a charming couple from a small suburb of Sydney, Australia, called Blacktown.

Mervyn and Barbara Cronan, both 68, first tied the knot in 1957, and then divorced eight years later. Then, a chance meeting in 2005 brought the two together again. The old passion reignited, and the Cronans remarried on May 13, 2006 — the anniversary of their original wedding.

To celebrate the occasion, their four children — Teena, Debbie, John, and Vicki — recently joined them and their grandchildren and great-grandchildren at a family barbecue.

"It was fantastic, having all the four kids together for the first time," Mervyn Cronan tells the Blacktown Sun.

And the two have much to celebrate. All told, the Cronan's now have a whopping 15 grandchildren and 21 great-grandchildren.

Added Mervyn: "You can't buy these feelings."

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You’ll be faced with a lot of different advice when you decide to “get back out there” and start dating after your divorce.

I always feel like most of what you hear is pretty useless because every situation is different and you never know who you’re going to meet and what his attitudes are going to be. He may not care that you’re divorced or it may scare the hell out of him. There are too many variables for there to be any blanket advice that everyone should follow.

Nonetheless, the Web is full of post-divorce dating tips. I read a piece on CNN.com the other day that tried to delve into the question of when to tell a date that you’re divorced. And it also offered some advice about how much and how soon you should reveal things about your past. Again, I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer, but here are some things to consider:

1. Be honest about the status of your divorce. If it’s just getting started, that’s different than “I’m divorced.” Don’t be misleading because if a guy gets interested, he could resent you not telling him that you’re at the beginning of a long process.

2. Don’t drag out the details and drag your ex through the mud. Sure, he’s going to be curious if he’s really interested in you, but if you start moaning and groaning about what an ass your ex was, how do you think that’s going to look?

3. Mention that you have kids. Hello? This one should be obvious. You have to be careful you don’t come off looking like you’re asking him to be a second father to your kids, but he has to know you have them.

4. Be sure you’re really ready. You’re only doing yourself and your date a disservice if you try to jump back into the dating pool too soon.

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The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has a section on its Web site where they toss out issues for discussion and let readers enter their comments on the topic. They did one this week on dating after divorce, and it got a ton of traffic and a lot of interesting, honest responses.

This is a subject that gets covered an awful lot by newspapers and magazines. But after you read too many “tips on dating after divorce” stories, it’s easy to lose interest. They get stale after a while. The advice is always the same: Don’t rush into something you’re not really ready for, don’t introduce your date to your kids too soon, etc. If you have half a brain in your head, you know these things.

But I was pretty impressed with the depth and variety of the reader responses here. I found them far more interesting than most of the “staff-written” stories I’ve read on the subject. And that stands to reason: The responses are real.

One woman wrote about how she watched her mom go through two divorces, 14 years apart, and how challenging it was to understand and deal with what was happening, the first time at age 3 and again at age 17. Another person said it’s not a good idea to set firm milestones for a post-divorce relationship, such as “I’ll introduce my date to my kids once we get to six months.”

The whole thing is just a refreshing take on the topic, and worth reading.

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I read an article yesterday that does a pretty good job of addressing all of the key points on this subject. You have to remember that your post-divorce dating life is probably going to be tougher on your kids that it is on you. Regardless of their age, kids deal with a lot of emotions when a divorced parents start dating again.

The way you and your ex co-parent through your divorce can go a long way toward easing the difficulty for your kids when you do want to date again. If you've made sure they understand that their feelings matter to you, the whole thing will probably be easier for them to handle.

But the experts quoted in the story point out that a lot of divorced parents make the mistake of either trying to "get back out there" too soon or introducing dates to their kids too soon. You have to leave enough time after your divorce to settle into your "new" life. You and your kids all need time to get used to the way things work now that the marriage is over. If you start dating before that happens, you're asking for trouble.

If you have kids, I don't think you really have the freedom to approach dating as you did before your marriage. And that sucks. You're probably going to resent it. And nobody can blame you for that. But your kids should be your first consideration, and your choices should be guided by the effort to do right by them.

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One of the things that going through a divorce means for many people is that eventually you have to re-learn how to date.

Yes, re-learn. Because no doubt at least a few things have changed since before your marriage. And if you have children, it’s not just a whole new ballgame, it’s an entirely different sport. The Hartford Courant ran a story this week that had some tips for divorced parents who are dating again. These are tricky waters to navigate, and the story mentions that you and your kids may not see eye to eye on everything, regardless of how old they are.

There were two main pieces of advice in the story. First, make sure you’re ready to date and that you’re not just trying to find a new relationship to relieve the pain of your divorce. And second, don’t introduce your date to your kids too soon.

That seems to be one of the biggest problems that divorced parents run into when they start dating again. Just because you’re ready to be “out there” again doesn’t mean your kids are ready to accept that. They may still have unresolved emotional issues about your divorce. And if you and your ex haven’t taken steps to make sure you’re co-parenting well, there’s likely to be a ton of friction as you start dating.

Get to know a date first, take your time. You owe that to yourself, and you owe it to your kids to make it as easy on them as you can.

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