The rate of divorce among those in the armed forces held steady last year at 3.3 percent, which is leaving some wondering whether the figure — which was reported by the Pentagon — is an accurate one.

Consider for a moment the amount of stress that having a spouse in the military, on active duty, can put on a marriage, especially if there are children involved, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if at least half of them divorced. So, why aren't they?

One Army spokesman, Paul Boyce, credits the military's "strong programs ... and a sense of real teamwork among the families," for the fairly low divorce rate.

For example, the Marines have offered workshops to teach couples to manage conflict, solve problems, and communicate better, and the Navy started a similar program.

The Army has started paying for what it calls its "Family Covenant," a broad initiative of services and facilities to improve the quality of life for military families nationwide and overseas. It includes improving health care, schools, housing, and child care to relieve stress on spouses.

Army chaplains have trained some 60,000 active duty and reservists in the "Strong Bonds" program for strengthening personal relationships. Troops also get mental-health training in a program called "Battlemind" that teaches about common problems to expect at home as troops readjust to domestic life.

Still, the numbers tracked do not speak of marriages that are in trouble or falling apart, just those that have ended. In 2006 troops were given a mental health survey, 20 percent of those questioned said that they or their spouse were planning a divorce, compared with 15 percent in 2005.

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Most of the time when you think about the way a divorce impacts kids, you think about young children who aren't emotionally mature enough to deal with what's happening. Well, it's not just younger kids who have that problem. College students whose parents get divorced may be able to handle things on the surface. But it's a strain on their emotions nonetheless.

I read a piece in the student newspaper from California State University-Chico that really shed some light on the subject. And it's a poignant subject for this time of year as college students get ready to come home for the holidays. A lot of them have two homes to go to. Balancing time with both parents can be a struggle, particularly if the divorce happened while the student was away at school.

One student quoted in the piece talked about making a trip home while her father was moving out of the house because she wanted to see his bags packed so the divorce would become real to her. She didn't want to come home for the holidays and find her father completely gone from the house. It lessened the blow for her to see it while it was happening.

Of course, all of the same rules about parenting through a divorce still apply to college kids. You can't expect them to take sides. And I think you have to be realistic about how much time they have for you and your ex. Remember what it was like to be in college. You're starting out your life, making your own decisions, budgeting your own time. And with your family split up, it becomes a bigger challenge. It takes patience and understanding on all sides.

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A couple from California has written a recently published book on how marriages can be saved. Now, the book is published by Focus on the Family and their quotes in a McClatchy Newspapers story are couched in religious overtones. But setting those things aside, these two sound like they have some reasonable advice.

The first thing Joe and Michelle Williams point out is that despite the fact that their book was published by a religious organization, the two of them aren’t clergy. So this is not a couple of ministers telling you what they think God says you should do. On the contrary, these are two very imperfect people. They’ve each been married four times. They had a two-year separation from one another, and Joe has dealt with alcohol abuse.

Religion has been a big key in helping them get their marriage back on track. And that’s simply not going to work for everyone, yours truly included. But they also seem to have some decent real-world advice. They talk about not giving up who you are in a relationship. They talk about sticking with activities you enjoy, even if your spouse doesn’t, which is one thing a lot of people probably don’t stop to think about.

Of course, a lot of people here at FWW are already divorced. But if you’re in the “contemplating divorce” stage, and if you’re a person of faith, this may be a book you want to check out.

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Later this month in Austria, they’re going to have what is being called the world’s first divorce fair. The event will bring together all sorts of resources to help people navigate their way through the end of a marriage -- everything from legal information and tips for spying on your cheating spouse to advice on how to help children deal with what’s happening.

Provided that this doesn’t just turn into a way for money-grubbing attorneys to drum up more business, I think it’s a great idea. As prevalent as divorce is in the U.S., it seems like it’s only a matter of time before events like this one take place here.

The only drawback I can see is that it could be rather awkward to walk up to someone at a booth in a crowded convention hall and start asking for advice or talking about your own situation. Divorce is such a personal thing, it seems like the dynamic of the interactions at an event like this might be a bit stilted. Still, it’s an interesting and worthwhile-sounding concept.

One rather ironic thing, though. The organizer of this event also organizes wedding fairs. Isn’t that versatile?

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Here’s another story that shows things aren’t always so rosy in religious families. We’ve written a couple of times about the mis-matched ministers, Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks.

Well, here’s a story out of Alabama about a pastor whose wife walked out on him and their two kids six months ago. Actually, according to a report in the Mobile Press-Register, Beth Smith is still seeing her children on a regular basis, and sources say she is a good mother.

But in March, she hocked her wedding ring while attending a religious convention in Louisiana and bought a bus ticket to New York without telling her family anything. To say the least, details like that make her sound unstable. She was living in a women’s shelter in New York when authorities finally located her in July and brought her back to Alabama.

Her husband, Rev. Jason Lee Smith, has filed for divorce and it seeking custody of the kids, who are 10 and 7. Beth Smith’s attorney said there was conflict in the marriage and that the couple had grown apart. And he talked about the toll that keeping up appearances can take when you’re married to a religious leader. Indeed, if you start to question the life you’re living, that’s a difficult place to be. But walking out on your family? She’s going to have a tough time explaining that away.

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First Wives World has a terrific column featured on About.com's Guide to Divorce Support. The Guide's coordinator, Cathy Meyer, graciously asked our own Debbie Nigro to write a guest column for a series she's running this week on "Moving On."

Well, guess what? No one has more experience with movin' on and movin' up than Debbie, who has successfully reinvented her personal and professional life, post-divorce, with incredible energy and verve. She's resilient, and so are you!

In fact, that's the message of her piece on About called "A Formula For Getting Back to Great." It's all about women being in control of their destiny and plodding ahead, putting one foot in front of the other to embrace the present and, of course, the future.

Cathy and her team of experts are providing valuable information and resources that can help get you through. In fact, About has everything from chat rooms where you can swap ideas and information, to advice columns on dating, legal and financial issues and tips on how to deal with your kids in a divorce. They've got everything!

So check it out...but stay tuned to FirstWivesWorld.com because we're on the cusp of some exciting plans that will help you navigate divorce no matter what stage you're in--in fact, we're going to get you through each phase not only with useful resources and support from other women, but you'll be there with a smile on your face because we've got some fun, new shows that will entertain and tickle you as you discover that your best self lies ahead...

Yes, stay tuned. We can't wait...! And, check out Debbie's column here.

A new survey of marriage and parenting indicates that divvying up household chores is now more important to making a marriage successful than children.

Oh, come on! Doesn't everyone know that already? The "honey-do" list grows on the weekends, to be sure, but splitting up chores on a daily basis sure seems to go a long way toward feeling good about one's spouse. Affection grows with each dry cleaning pickup, garden weeding, load of laundry and dinner prep.

The survey, by The Pew Research Center, indicates that the percentage of Americans who consider children "very important" to a successful marriage has dropped since 1990. In fact, kids fell to eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages.

By a margin of nearly 3-to-1, Americans say the main purpose of marriage is the "mutual happiness and fulfillment" of adults rather than the "bearing and raising of children."

Kids appeared well behind "sharing household chores," "good housing," "adequate income," a "happy sexual relationship" and "faithfulness,” according to an AP report on the survey.

In a 1990 World Values Survey, children ranked third in importance among the same items, with 65 percent of survey respondents saying children were very important to a good marriage. Just 41 percent said so in the new Pew survey. Sharing pesky household chores was cited as very important by 62 percent of respondents, up from 47 percent in 1990.

The survey also asked about same-sex couples raising children: Fifty percent of respondents said it’s bad for society, 11 percent said it's good and 34 percent said it made little difference.

What do you think?

We never know what life holds for us. Growing up all I ever wanted out of life was a college education and a husband who loved me. I grew up in the day and age where this signified security for girls. I was conditioned to believe it and thought that everything would simply fall into place for me as long as I was a good wife and mother. Well – surprise, surprise! It took 40 years of living for life to teach me that it didn’t happen that way.

I am now a 60-year-old, twice- divorced woman with a very gifted and talented 33-year-old son. I was devastated after both divorces but especially devastated after the second. I thought I had matured and had learned to make better decisions for myself. I was depressed, upset with myself and had a very negative attitude towards men. But, I had two people on my side; God and my son.

I have always been a religious and spiritual person. I try to rely on God and prayer to direct me. When I was younger, I organized Prayer Breakfasts, Prayer Seminars, founded two Christian support groups for women and attended many Christian retreats and had even helped organizing married couple’s retreats. Unfortunately, this did not count with Church members when I decided to divorce my husband. They came down on me like a ton of bricks for “divorcing that boy’s father”. They totally forgot that it takes two to be married and two to divorce. After ten years of marriage to my son’s father, I could not take any more. Therefore, I divorced him! Did I forget to tell you that my Church does not believe in divorce? Sorry, well there it is! My “Christian friends” told me that I was wrong and that it was entirely my fault. I never told them the fact that he did not know how to be a husband and that he had no desire to learn. I was so hurt by their criticism that I didn’t attend Church services for a year. When I did decide to return, I found another Church to attend.

Free time, chocolate calcium supplements and Helen Reddy’s greatest hits are just three of the empowered woman’s top 10 gifts.

To belt the lyrics "I am woman, hear me roar" is the female equivalent of Mel Gibson roaring into battle in "Braveheart." Click here for the full list

Who get's the pets? Unfortunately, the fact we love our little companions so much can be a bad thing when it comes to divorce. And the reality is, they grow attached to us too. After a sincere plea that he was devastated because he had developed such a close relationship with his wife's dog, a court in Spain granted a man visitation rights to the much adored pup.
http://www.melvindurai.com/dogfight.htm