With her bare hands! Pardon the exclamation points, but this is something out of a Stephen King short story. According to the LA Times, what was thought to be standard B&E is now turning out to be much more.

Fifty-one-year-old Susan Kuhnhausen returned home in September of last year to an intruder, hammer in hand, ready to bludgeon his victim. He did, in fact, get one blow in, but before he could do further damage, she wrestled the hammer out of his grip, then proceeded to strangle him to death.

Police have been investigating since the September attack, and recently uncovered a link between Kuhnhausen's ex-husband and the deceased attacker.

Investigators believe that Michael Kuhnhausen, distraught over the divorce, hired the attacker to kill his wife. Bits and pieces of a paper trail are slowly revealing that the attack was premeditated and Kuhnhausen to be the mastermind.

Michael Kuhnhausen was taken into custody and charged with conspiracy to commit murder and attempted murder and held on $500,000 bail.

Fortunately, Susan Kuhnhausen is in the clear: Police say she acted in self-defense. She acted very well, indeed.

Football great Michael Strahan has been granted a Giant relief. A New Jersey state appeals court has ruled that he didn't have to pay $18,000 a month in child support of his 3-year-old twin daughters as part of his divorce settlement with his ex-wife, Jean.

But Jean isn't going to be shopping at the Dollar Store any time soon. In their bitter divorce, where nasty accusations flew like fumbling footballs, she caught a $15.3 million settlement, slightly more than what was specified in their prenuptial agreement. Strahan paid around half of that, and they recently settled a dispute over the remaining $6.5 million.

The court sent the child support case back to a lower court in Essex County and ordered it to recalculate the amount. Judge Lorraine Parker, one of the three judges involved in the decision, wrote, “Both parents have a shared obligation to support their children.”

In the decision, Judge Parker said that “as a healthy, educated, 41-year-old, [Jean Strahan] is capable of earning her own income.”

Perhaps Jean Strahan overstepped when she made certain claims for her daughters’ expenses, including $30,000 a year for landscaping, designer handbags, and $22,000 for baby pictures.

The three-judge panel also ruled that Strahan doesn’t need to pay for his wife’s lawyers, nor does he need to get a multi-million dollar disability policy.

Strahan announced yesterday that he has not accepted a request from the Giants to return to the team. Vacationing in Greece, he said he preferred to stay retired. It would have been his 16th season of professional football.

His salary would have been $8 million a year.

Instead he will receive a $2 million salary working for Fox Sports pregame Sunday show covering the National Football League.

Losing a job often means a spouse can’t afford to pay a divorce settlement. When Steven became Susan Stanton at age 48 after a sex-change operation, the Largo Florida City Commission fired Steven/Susan from his/her job as city manager — a job that paid $157,000.

The grounds: after 20 years on the job, and just when he decided to become a woman, they lost trust in him/her, and felt he/she was no longer leadership material.

That left Donna Stanton, the wife of the new Susan Stanton, in a quandary when they tried to figure out equitable distribution.

According to a story in “The Tampa Tribune” by reporter Stephen Thompson, and court documents, Steven/Susan Stanton amicably mediated his divorce from his wife of 18 years. The wife, Donna, would get $4,756 in alimony and an additional $799 a month in child support for their 15 year old son. Their marriage lasted 17 years.

Because Steven/Susan no longer has a job, he/she offered Donna Stanton a lump sum of $50,000 from his/her retirement account to cover the roughly first ten months of alimony.

That would make him current through December.

But — and here's the kicker — according to the settlement, if Steven/Susan doesn't get a job by then, even though he/now/she has applied for 100 city manager jobs, Donna Stanton is entitled to more from the retirement account.

One good thing: sex change and broken marriages make for great movies, or at least they did in 2003, when Tom Wilkinson starred with Jessica Lange in the highly-regarded television drama “Normal,” about a man who wants to become a woman after 25 years of marriage and two children.

Most American 8-year-old girls are thinking about The Suite Life with Zack and Cody and not a married life with a man in his fifties. But in Saudi Arabia, girls just can't have fun, and how they're treated is no laughing matter.

According to the BBC, an 8-year-old girl is pleading to a Saudi Arabian court for a divorce. She was married off to the man without her knowledge — by her father. (How do you say jerk in Farsi?)

Child-protection organizations say Saudi children are sometimes given away in return for large dowries, or as a result of beliefs that marriage to cousins or other known persons will protect young boys or girls from illicit relationships.

What should be illicit is selling a daughter before she becomes of age to make her own choices and treating her like property instead of a prized individual.

Now, following the publicity, the child's mother is reportedly asking for an annulment. Although women have limited power in Saudi Arabia, annulments have a precedent with underage children.

Last April, a court in neighboring Yemen annulled the arranged marriage of a 9-year-old girl to a 28-year-old man.

Perhaps the court of public opinion will help make a ruling in Saudi Arabia as well that young brides have an age requirement.

Most often, the government stepping in to the average citizen's life is not so much of a good thing. But what do you expect in Shanghai? But sometimes, stepping in isn't such a bad thing, after all. The Chinese city now offers divorce counseling free of charge to couples filing with Shanghai's Songjiang District, reports web site china.org.cn.

Since last June, all couples have had access to psychological consultants from the district's Psychological Consultant Association. Consequently, 30% have accepted the offer, and 70% of those couples have reconciled. Overall, more than 300 divorce petitions have been dropped.

And for the remaining husbands and wives who would like to proceed? The counselors help to negotiate custody and division of property. Did we mention this is free of charge?

China isn't the only country stepping up to the divorce-mediation plate. Australia's Family Relationship Centre offers "providing free information for families, the centre has qualified, professional staff to help families with the difficulties associated with separation or divorce," says the Manning River Times.

A spokesperson for the organization says she hopes families see the center as an alternative to court entirely.

Doesn't seem like such a bad idea, does it?

I have a secret. My name is Naomi, I am a journalist, and I don’t watch the news. I used to try and hide this fact, sort of skimming the headlines so I could fake my way through conversations involving current events. But I got a news alert today that tells me exactly why I am completely in the right. I am vindicated and I never have to watch the news again.

Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda is a preacher. I’m not totally sure where “preacher” ends and “cult leader” begins, but that’s neither here nor there. In the beginning of his illustrious career, Miranda got famous because he convinced everybody that he was the second coming of Jesus.

Then he changed his mind and proclaimed he was no longer Jesus. He was the Antichrist.

His wife filed for divorce, although I can’t imagine why.

Since nobody knows exactly how much money the second coming of Christ has stuffed under the holy mattress, Miranda was ordered to pay interim alimony to the tune of $15,000 a month and he’s five months behind. He figured that instead of paying, he’d just disappear and go out on the lam. But what would you expect from the Antichrist? Post-dated checks delivered by courier?

The good news is that the preacher — and you know he’s a preacher because he has “666” tattooed on himself, as do his constituents — never physically abused his wife. She is, however, seeking compensatory damages from the emotional turmoil caused by his repeated threats that he’d send the “angels of destruction” on her and the kiddies.

And they ask me why I don’t watch the news.

How many marriages are too many? Tom Arnold just finalized divorce No. 3. Mickey Rooney has had eight wives, and ten children. But Mohammed Bello Abubakar of Nigeria has 86 wives, and at least 170 children.

Now a court in Nigeria has told him he must divorce 82 of his wives, most of whom he married when they were 25 or younger, or be sentenced to death. That would leave Abubakar, 84, with only four legal wives, the customary limit under Muslim law.

Some wives and children live in a compound in the Nigerian village of Bida, and others live in Lagos.

The BBC now reports that Abubakar, a former teacher and self-proclaimed healer, has upset Islamic authorities in northwest Nigeria, where Muslims are in the majority and strict Sharia law was reinstituted in 2000.

Sharia says that a man is allowed to have four wives as long as he can treat them equally.

But Abubakar is challenging Muslim scholars, saying there is no punishment in the Koran for having more than four wives. By his interpretation, “the Koran does not place a limit and it is up to what your own power, your own endowment and ability allows.”

He credits Allah with giving him the authority to “control” 86 wives. Speaking directly to Allah has not endeared him to the courts in Nigeria either.

But no one has so far proved that any of his wives is unhappy. The women have created a female-centric family, and consider Abubakar their guru.

One of them, Ganiat Mohammed Bello, has been married to Abulbaker for 20 years. “I am now the happiest woman on earth,” she told the BBC this month.

“When you marry a man with 86 wives you know he knows how to look after them.”

Although Sharia law has sentenced several people to death in Nigeria for adultery, so far not one death sentence has been carried out.

Besides, Abubaker says, he doesn’t recommend this for everyone.

Imagine being a refugee from a war-torn country and being told that in order to stay in safety, you had to get divorced. I’m pretty sure we can all say that would be tragic and a travesty of justice.

Now imagine you had two spouses, and the country you were living in said you had to obey the law and pick one. Not such a travesty of justice anymore, is it?

An unidentified Iraqi man has recently decided that he would rather go back to Iraq than stay in Denmark and give up one of his wives. Man, even writing the words “one of his wives” freaks me out. It seems like many of the men I know have a hard enough time being married to one woman, let alone two.

The lawyer handling his case explains the situation like this: “Most of all his wives are saddened by this affair; they don't feel welcome in Denmark.” When I read that the first time, it sounded like they were saying most of his wives were saddened. As in, most of them are saddened, but the rest are handling it like troopers. How many wives does this guy have? But no, he’s only got two — and they’re both bummed.

The crazy thing about this whole situation is that if he did divorce one of his wives, no one in the family would face deportation. They’d all get to stay. The wife who got the axe could still stay in the same house. Let’s face it, they’re in Denmark — nobody’s going to stone him for having two baby mamas. But he likes his family the way it is, so he’s packing up the wives and kids and heading back home. “Now they have left to see how things are in Basra,” says his lawyer.

Well, I think we all know how things are in Basra, but the best of luck to him. I hope to God nothing happens to his children when he gets there or he will be regretting his decision for the rest of his days.

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Britney Spears is finding, like the rest of us, that divorce can be expensive. Not only emotionally, but financially.

To resolve her custody dispute with ex-husband Kevin Federline, the belly-baring singer had to pay her attorney $466,000 and his lawyers $250,000. Those bills are enough to give anyone a major bellyache.

Federline was granted full custody of their two sons but she does get overnight visits.

Spears and Federline married in 2004 and divorced last July. She is one of a growing number of women who pay "manimony" — Federline gets $20,000 a month from Spears.

But considering her immature antics, irresponsible behavior, and two hospitalizations, most saw Federline as a better alternative to parent.

However, news reports say that Spears is now expected to contest part of the legal bill as being too high.

According to Us Magazine, the largest bill comes from attorney Stacy D. Phillips, who says in court filings that she is owed nearly $407,000 for four months of work. Phillips claims she has written off another $125,000 in fees.

Phillips states in court documents the case was made more complicated because Spears is under the temporary conservatorship of her father, James. He took control of his daughter's personal and financial affairs after a series of high-profile incidents of erratic behavior and two hospitalizations.

Any payments will have to be approved by a Los Angeles court commissioner, and attorneys representing Spears' and her father's interests indicated last week in court they intend to contest Phillips' bill.

Diana Mercer, a California attorney who specializes in mediation, says she is sympathetic to Britney Spears’s lawyer.

Good news for would-be adulterers in South Korea!

The country’s Supreme Court ruled this week that people who are in the process of a mutually agreed upon divorce won’t get arrested for having sex outside of marriage.

Previously, those who had sex with someone other than their spouse before their divorce was finalized were considered to have committed adultery. Adultery is kind of a big deal in Korea. Like, criminal act with two years of jail time big deal.

The ruling came after a 57-year-old man in the process of divorcing his wife was arrested for having sex with, wait for it, a barmaid. (It’s always the barmaid.) After 25 years of marriage, the man who is only identified in the media as Chung, decided to pack his bags. After a bit of stewing, his wife agreed to the divorce, and they set up separate households while they figured out their finances and he got on with screwing the barmaid.

Mrs. Chung got wind of the liaison and decided to call the fuzz. Apparently, Chung got off. Get it?

With over 11,000 couples filing for divorce each year and citing infidelity as their platform, there are a lot of potential criminals hanging out in the bars of Korea. Last year alone, more than 1,200 people were indicted for sleeping around.

What I want to know is, what’s the charge for sleeping with the spouse you decided you were divorcing? Because in this writer’s opinion, sleeping with the ex leads to more problems than going home with the barmaid.

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