With Valentine's Day coming up, every form of media is full of images of people getting engaged or married and the jewelry stores are obviously doing big business. But for the large segment of the population that is divorced, it's an entirely different thought process when it comes to wedding and engagement rings. The San Francisco Chronicle ran an interesting story on Friday about the question of what should happen to your rings once your marriage is over.

The accepted protocol on engagement rings seems to be that you get to keep it. Legally, it's not considered part of the marital assets because it was a gift given to you before you were married. And aside from that, a guy would have to really be a greedy bastard to ask to have it back. I can see a guy doing that, though, if the ring was a family heirloom. I think I'd have a hard time holding on to the engagement ring if it had belonged to my ex's grandmother, or something like that.

The wedding rings are a whole different story. Some people attach a lot of emotional meaning to them and choose not to part with them. Some people have them melted down and made into other pieces of jewelry. Some women sell both the wedding and engagement rings to pay for lawyers. One man quoted in the story said his wife sold her rings so she could get a boob job.

I think it's all a matter of personal preference. And it's probably a function of how amicable the breakup is, too. If it was angry and bitter, you might be more inclined to get rid of the rings, along with everything else in your house that had anything to do with the guy. One woman said she wanted both of the wedding rings to be kept together after her divorce, just because it seemed to her like the right thing to do. Her ex didn't see it that way, so it didn't happen.

So let's hear from all of you. What happened to your rings?

The public turnaround of Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, is an inspiration to divorced women everywhere. Where our own marriage and personal failings and mistakes are embarrassing in front of our families, friends, and maybe the readers of our blogs, Fergie's have been published everywhere. Yes, splitting up with my husband was difficult, but not as difficult as waking up to find you've been renamed The Duchess of Pork by the entire British press.

No wonder she gained so much weight.

Fergie gave a talk in California on Monday night as part of their Distinguished Speakers program and talked about her divorce, her kids, her weight issues — the whole gamut. "My only friend was food," she said. "My pet ponies and food got me through."

She went on to explain that she and Prince Andrew still share a home together, where they raise their daughters, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, although they have no plans to reconcile. It's simply a convenient and secure environment in which to raise their daughters. "I still do love my handsome prince, but it just works better for us this way to keep things the way they are."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all that well adjusted?

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So here's a question for those of you who've been through a divorce: How did things go the first time you got intimate with some else?

I'm sure we can all have a long conversation about that topic. I saw a letter to a sex columnist that raised this issue, and it was interesting to me because it came from the male perspective. The writer was a 35-year-old divorced "bloke" (it was in a British publication) who said his girlfriend left him because he couldn't keep an erection. For the moment, we'll look past the fact that this must not have been much of a relationship if that was really the reason she left him. The guy is wondering if the remaining emotional weight of his divorce is somehow making it tough on him in bed.

And that's something a lot of divorced people probably face. It's not uncommon at all. A lot of sexual dysfunctions, especially in younger people like this guy, have more to do with the mind than they do with the body. If something like this happens and it's a consistent problem, it's probably worth taking to a therapist who specializes in sexual matters. It goes without saying that making such an appointment for yourself is a daunting step, especially if you're doing it alone. But a divorce can impact your mind in so many ways that you're not consciously aware of. A little help with a problem like this isn't too much for anyone to ask.

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A couple from California has written a recently published book on how marriages can be saved. Now, the book is published by Focus on the Family and their quotes in a McClatchy Newspapers story are couched in religious overtones. But setting those things aside, these two sound like they have some reasonable advice.

The first thing Joe and Michelle Williams point out is that despite the fact that their book was published by a religious organization, the two of them aren’t clergy. So this is not a couple of ministers telling you what they think God says you should do. On the contrary, these are two very imperfect people. They’ve each been married four times. They had a two-year separation from one another, and Joe has dealt with alcohol abuse.

Religion has been a big key in helping them get their marriage back on track. And that’s simply not going to work for everyone, yours truly included. But they also seem to have some decent real-world advice. They talk about not giving up who you are in a relationship. They talk about sticking with activities you enjoy, even if your spouse doesn’t, which is one thing a lot of people probably don’t stop to think about.

Of course, a lot of people here at FWW are already divorced. But if you’re in the “contemplating divorce” stage, and if you’re a person of faith, this may be a book you want to check out.

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Imagine Macy's doing a fall ad campaign based on broken marriages. Never, you say?

Well, that's exactly what Debenhams, the British department store chain, is doing with the "Separated and Successful" Club — a 21st Century First Wives Club of well-known women, carrying the message that any hardship can be overcome with confidence, a steadfast support system, and a spankin' new wardrobe.

The SAS Club is made up of some famous British ladies who've
conquered divorce — and looked fabulous doing it — like TV personalities Coleen Nolan and Trisha Goddard, along with author and journalist Bel Mooney, and divorce coach Kirsten Gronning.

It wasn't until her break from actor Shane Ritchie — and an endorsement deal with Debenhams — that Nolan truly discovered the rejuvenating power of shopping.

"It's really hard getting over divorce, especially when a partner has been unfaithful, as this can really knock your confidence — you think that other men won't fancy you," she says. "A new hair cut and a couple of glam outfits is a real confidence booster that will set you on the right
track."

So, on one hand you have a retailer trying to sell some "glam outfits." But, on the other you have a big name brand — in the U.K., at least — using the issue of divorce to convey a message of strength and the potential for positive change. Pretty impressive.

Maybe not as impressive as the Dove brand spending tens of millions of dollars stateside to promote a broader definition of beauty for women of all shapes, sizes, and generations. But, we'd say it's just as groundbreaking and just as ballsy.

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Somewhere, Lorena Bobbitt is smiling.

A court in Taiwan has granted a man a divorce because his wife has been threatening to cut off his penis.

What a perfectly lovely story this is.

The couple has been married for 10 years. Two years ago, the wife began to suspect that her husband was cheating. And that's when she started making threats against his manhood. She would wake him up in the middle of the night to interrogate him and let him know that bad things might be happening to that sensitive part of the anatomy.

You think that’s sick, try this: She started sharpening a knife and leaving it next to the bed. Think about how brave this guy must have been to get into bed every night with a woman like that.

So, given all this information, the court decided there was no way this couple could continue living together and granted the divorce.

See what you started, Lorena?

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As we all know, there are many reasons that people seek divorced in midlife. It could be a midlife crisis — that's a big one among men. It could be just moving into different stages of their lives, particularly for women who stayed at home and raised kids.

However, I read a story the other day that offered up a more firm explanation, and it makes a lot of sense to me.

Louann Brizendine, a neurologist in California, says that our brain chemistry changes as we go through menopause. The chemicals that give us those "maternal instincts" everyone talks about are on the decline as we get older.

And Brizendine says that leads us to become more independent as we age. According to a story in the Sydney Morning Herald, the majority of divorces in couples over age 40 are initiated by women. Perhaps this could be one reason.

I love learning about things like this. It's easy to feel isolated when you go through a divorce, so every time you discover something that lets you know that you're not alone — that what you're experiencing is not unique to you — it's a good feeling.

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The findings of a new 10-year study reveal that women who force themselves to remain calm during fights with their spouses are at a higher risk of death and have a higher incidence of stress-related diseases like depression and irritable bowel syndrome.

In fact, women who "self-silence" were four times more likely to die than women who let it all out during arguments, according to the research conducted by Dr. Elaine D. Eaker of Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Md.

In my opinion, this research seems to prove what many women already know: You just gotta let it out! Why keep it all in? Express yourself to your spouse, partner, ex, kids, etc.

Eaker study examined behavior, incidence of heart disease and mortality within marriage. She wanted to understand the dynamics of what really goes on in a marriage during arguments. Her research also confirmed that marriage is good for men's health and that married men enjoy better health compared to unmarried men. We wonder if that's the case even when the men are terribly unhappy and stressed in their relationships.

Eaker's research, published in the July/August issue of Psychosomatic Medicine, suggests that men and women need to take a closer look at the changing roles and expectations for husbands and wives and in general, men and women in society. Too, she notes that marriage partners need to offer one another a safe place to express feelings of conflict before it's too late and the marriage ends in divorce.

When an individual is experiencing divorce this can be a very sad and lonely time and some people have trouble recovering.



Yet after a divorce, an individual is given a new chapter in their life to write in any way, shape or form. This is a chance for a person to do things they have only dreamed about.

If you are having trouble recovering from divorce and want to regain control of your life, you may want to consider hypnosis. 

Hypnosis is a form of therapy that works on an unconscious or a subconscious level. An individual who undergoes hypnosis will be placed into a deep state of relaxation.

It is during this deep state of relaxation that our subconscious mind is the most receptive to new ideas and perspectives. In the process of hypnosis, a person can learn how to visualize themselves recovered from their divorce, leading a happy and healthy life. Hypnosis allows a person to “see” themselves recovered and to “feel” how great life is after divorce.

Divorce does not have to remain a roadblock that is stopping you from living life.

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When the going gets tough, you might want to consider these New Agey suggestions for coping with divorce. Even if some are too “out there” for you to actually do, they’re good for a laugh.

1. Do the rite thing. Engage a celebrant to perform a ceremony that turns your divorce into a meaningful event. “Anyone making this choice needs the support and acknowledgement of friends and family to make peace with the past and begin building a positive future,” says Boston-based celebrant Cindy Matchett. For more info go to Matchett’s site (meaningfulcelebrations.com) or to find a celebrant in your area, visit celebrantusa.com/map.html.

2. Smudge with sage. Native Americans do spiritual house-cleaning by burning a bundle of dried sage, a practice known as “smudging.” Ignite the sage and, starting at the doorway, move through your space counterclockwise. When the smoke clears, you’ll have purified your home — and purged your ex. Find sage bundles at incensewarehouse.com.

3. Find someone new. No, not a rebound relationship, but one that’s unconditionally loving — with a pet. A pooch or a kitty waiting at home can do wonders for that empty house or apartment (okay, they can do damage, too, but that’s another story). Your local shelter or rescue group is a good place to start.

4. Think ink. A new (or your first) tattoo can be a visual reminder of your decision to start fresh. “You could get the word ‘freedom’ in Chinese letters,” suggests Jon Jon, a tattoo artist with Cutting Edge Body Arts in New York City’s West Village.