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What can we learn from serial celebrity break-ups, billionaire bust-ups, misbehaving spouses, pants-on challenged politicos and the ever-shifting landscape of divorce law? Question is, "What CAN'T we learn"? With latte in hand and clicky finger at the ready, dive in for the best in divorce news, views, gossip, and buzz – assembled below for your reading pleasure.

Our current contributors are Jill Brooke, Maureen Dempsey, Naomi Dunn, and Linda Lee.

Guys use sex to reduce the increased pressure in their lives. With the Dow dipping, no prob if they were turning to wives and girlfriends. But according to a New York Daily News story, they’re down and getting down with sources of gratification that are potential trouble — with a capital T.

On lunch hours they are visiting massage parlors. They are hiring prostitutes. They are going to strip clubs after work. And they are indulging in Internet porn, sometimes at their office computers… and getting caught. They are becoming addicted to sex to relieve their stress.

In a tight job market, this is not an appealing thing to have in one’s file. Most of the men, by the way, are married.

In the Daily News story, psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert reports a jump in sex-addicted men at his Manhattan practice in the past six months.

"Since early spring, maybe late winter, there's just been an increase, and I believe it might have something to do with the economy," he says. "A lot of the Wall Streeters use sex as a way to cope with stress. Bankers do tend to rely on pretty unhealthy ways of coping with stress — drugs, sex.

"A lot of them will use adult services," Alpert adds. "Some of them come right out and say, 'I'm stressed. This is how I deal with it. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'm not using drugs.' But when it starts to increase, then it's a problem."

How do these testosterone titans practice safe sex? According to Alpert, they consider going to an Asian massage parlor to be permissible. To some, as long as they don’t go all the way, being masturbated doesn’t count as cheating.

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Peter Cook’s goose may be cooked. By dishing to ABC’s Barbara Walters, the porn-loving ex of Christie Brinkley broke a confidentiality agreement not to discuss his divorce. But his temper, he says, was boiling because he felt that he got unfairly grilled. The interview will be aired on 20/20 on Friday.

So why did Peter Cook carelessly cavort with an 18-year-old and also resort to on-line porn? Seems he felt that the Mrs., one of the most gorgeous gals on the planet, wasn’t making him feel desired.

"I was seeking a connection I could not find in my own marriage," Cook said to Walters. "I think the emotional aspect of our lives had changed. I think we were both feeling more like we were living with a brother and sister than a life partner."

So, he said, he suddenly realized something was missing.

"I wanted a little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank you every now and then for my efforts, for the amount of time I took to care for her and my family, for the wealth I was building," he said.

At times, the architect and builder said, “I pulled up [to] the driveway to the home that I found, that I built, that I lived in, and I felt like I was a guest in someone else's life."

Well guess what? He is now a guest who’s not welcome anywhere.

Cook has found his life systematically dismantled now that he doesn’t have Brinkley by his side.

As we reported in July, Brinkley divorced Cook after finding out that he was fooling around with Diana Bianchi while also spending up to $3,000 a month on Internet porn.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

Celebs Pressured To Date Post-Divorce

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 12:18am

Is being single such a bad thing? Especially after divorce? A few celebs' friends think so. Pink's buddies are pushing the recently divorced pop singer to start dating again, says The Metro, despite her distaste for the singles scene. She admits that she "never goes on dates," and prefers less obvious hookup scenarios.

Pink better watch out, or before she knows it, matchmakers will start popping up — which happens to be the case for Tom Arnold, says contactmusic.com. Maria Shriver, of all people, is playing Arnold's cupid. (The connection? Arnold is a good friend of Shriver's husband, Arnold Schwarznegger.) In fact, Shriver has been labeled Arnold's dating coach, matching him up with friends after his third divorce earlier this year. The results? Mixed:

He explains, "When your friends set you up, you really know what they think of you — and evidently my friends think I'm old and fat."

Regardless of the outcome, why must everyone have someone? What do you think? Tell us below.

Jill Brooke's picture

Sarah Palin and the He-Dude

Posted by Jill Brooke on Mon, 10/06/2008 - 7:32pm

With the confidence of a captain of the girls' basketball team, Sarah Palin swished her way into the office of Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, took a jump shot at being Governor of Alaska, and then slam dunked the nomination for the Republican vice presidency.

Along the way, she’s accomplished a feat that often sidelines powerful women. Throughout her impressive career, she has never made her husband look diminished.

How she has dribbled her way around this challenging issue is a subject truly worthy of debate. After all, studies in Social Forces and The Journal of Marriage and Family say that women who are more successful than their husbands have higher divorce rates.

Many powerful women have come forward to admit that their careers have sent their relationships to the bench, including Pink and Reese Witherspoon. Amy Adams in this month’s Vanity Fair says she’s looking for a guy who won’t look at her success as his failure.

Sarah Palin, however, seems blissfully unvexed. Using her arsenal of charm like a lethal weapon, she is showing America that you can be powerful and sexy at the same time. And you can keep your studmuffin by your side, looking happy.

Hillary Clinton, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel — none of these women’s relationships with their husbands conveyed much marital heat in public. The husbands were more likely to get their wives into hot water, or have been so lukewarm, no one paid any attention to them.

Now we have Todd Palin, the hot political hubby.

At campaign stops, Todd Palin looks macho while doing nothing more than standing there holding their baby.

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Linda Lee's picture

Church Encourages Couples to Elope for Obama

Posted by Linda Lee on Fri, 10/03/2008 - 1:58am

Of course it’s a gimmick, but it got our attention. If you’re divorced, and headed for marriage No. 2, you probably don’t want to go through the whole formal wedding deal a second time, nor do you want to pay for it.

Now comes “Elope for Obama.”

For all weddings in October, the Brooks Hill Historic Church in Portland, Oregon, will donate the entire rental fee to the Obama presidential campaign. In fact, you’re told to make a check out to Obama for Change.

You can have up to 50 guests. The nondenominational church is on a hillside 20 minutes from downtown Portland. You can choose from any wedding on their website, with rentals from $395 for an intimate two-hour wedding to $695 for a four-hour wedding. Use of the baby grand is included. Local ministers, usually $200 to $300, will pronounce the vows (religious or secular), also at no charge, in support of Barack Obama. Or you can bring your own minister. Everything, of course is subject to availability. And you need to be in Oregon four business days in advance to get your license. Other than that, party on!

What can we say... Portland is that liberal a place. Cindy Lou Banks, the owner of the church, feels that Obama, if elected, would bring a new beginning to the country, and said, “What better way is there for couples to support his election than eloping in October and forging their own new beginnings?"

How does Banks make money from this? Volume!

Oh, and if you reserve the chapel ($150 deposit) and don’t show up for the wedding, they keep your deposit.

We will now give equal time to any lawyer offering a free divorce in honor of John McCain.

Jill Brooke's picture

Man Splits with Wife, then Splits House in Two

Posted by Jill Brooke on Thu, 10/02/2008 - 11:28am

Here's what happens when a divisive couple deals with a housing slump. A Cambodian couple resorted to a drastic solution to combat the country's notoriously corrupt and expensive court system by literally — and we mean literally — cutting their house in half.

According to the Khmer-language "Koh Santepheap" newspaper, Meuon Rima sought a divorce from his wife, Nhang, both 40, because she refused to nurse him during a recent illness. They decided to split their house, which was built on stilts, rather than deal with what they considered a diseased court system.

Rima sawed the house down the middle with "surgical precision," the newspaper reported. He was last seen driving away from the village in southeastern Prey Veng province hauling half of the home with him.

It was not known where he had gone with his very detached piece of marital assets, it said. And apparently Rima had not felt the same need to divvy up the couple's two teenage children, both of whom were left with Nhang.

One would argue that the heart of the home is the family, so in that sense he left the home mostly intact. 

FWW has reported on many solutions to deal with divorce and housing, including how to divide the family home and if you should keep the house, but we don’t recommend actually splitting the house. Granted that just last year a man in Germany, facing divorce, chain-sawed a house he shared with his wife in two, and then hauled “his half” away to his brother’s property on a forklift truck.

Usually when couples resort to what is called “The War of the Roses” solution, referring to the 1989 movie about a fractious divorce, they simply keep living there, each taking separate quarters and turning the kitchen into a demilitarized zone.

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Here's another reason that life is full of possibility, and that if your first marriage didn’t work, perhaps the next one will. A recent survey in Parade magazine found that 88 percent of couples interviewed said they were — drum roll, please — happy or reasonably content in their marriages. Yippee.

Another hopeful nugget on the state of matrimony was that half of the couples used words like "joyful" or "loving" to portray their marraiges. Furthermore, 71 percent of these couples said they've stayed married because of deep love while 73 percent also cited the magic word — the desire for companionship.

Why does this not surprise me? For starters, I am a happily re-married woman who adores her husband after 15 years of being together. Although the study didn't break down whether many of these participants were in second marriages, I would bet that many were.

Here's a little secret rarely reported: We learn from our mistakes. Sometimes you can have two good people who just aren't good for each other. That was certainly the case in my first marriage. I learned who I was and who I wasn't. (Also learned who he was and wasn't...and then said good-bye).

Because I was younger, I didn't know myself as well. Qualities like being cute and adoring went high up on the husband-to-be resumé. Didn't really focus on such important factors as whether we shared common values, heritage, or ways to spend Sunday afternoons. Also, you grow more tolerant over time, realizing that sometimes it really is ok to agree to disagree.

So the Parade survey wasn’t too surprising. Plus we like happy endings and new beginnings at FWW.

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A PhD student in psychology at the University of Montreal believes she has proven that a certain personality type is prone to infidelity. A husband with “avoidant attachment” style, she found, is likely to have multiple sexual partners and to cheat as a way of distancing himself from any relationship. And adultery is the No. 1 reason behind divorce.

Her work expands on the theory that a person who seeks attachment feels
• Secure that the relationship gives him or her a base
• That the relationship provides a safe haven
• That it is important to maintain proximity
• That separation leads to distress

Someone with an avoidant attachment style, on the other hand, is uncomfortable with intimacy. He or she probably did not have a close relationship with parents. As adults he or she may be unwilling to share thoughts and feelings. And he or she invests little emotion in social or romantic relationships. Incidentally, there appear to be just as many women as men with avoidant attachment style.

In her four studies, Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, looked first at 145 young adults and than at another 270 adults, finding in both cases that those who avoided attachment were much more likely to cheat or think about cheating. When she followed up with two more studies to ask the cheaters their motivations, she found the No. 1 reason was the will to distance themselves from commitment and from their partner.

In other words, it’s not that the partner’s behavior drove them to cheat; it’s that their own makeup makes them push away from being in a couple.

“The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom,” she said.

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Research by a marketing company in England shows that nine out of ten women “cheat” in some way to look better. Cheat? That’s a bad word around here, but this is what the Telegraph newspaper in London meant: here’s what women do when weight loss (women in Great Britain are losing weight, while men are gaining), facials, and makeup aren’t helping.

• Some 50 percent of the 1,300 women interviewed wear push up bras and 10 percent used “chicken fillets” to help elevate their attributes.

• Women deploy “shapewear,” like Jennifer Lopez, right, in what the English call “Magic Pants.”

• They put Vaseline on their eyelids to look more chipper, and use hemorrhoid cream to relieve puffiness and circles under the eyes.

• Another 40 percent wear oversize pants to hide bumps and bulges.

• When in doubt, one third of the women seek dark corners or dim the lights.

The survey was carried out at the giant Lakeside shopping center just east of greater London, a shopping destination with offerings ranging from Costco to Mercedes Benz. The survey also listed the women’s pet peeves: visible panty lines, the need to deal with hairy legs, streaky fake tans, lipstick on the teeth, and runny mascara.

So, once these women have donned their pushup bras, squeezed into shapewear, and used under-eye cream that is meant for somewhere else, what do they think they should wear in order to attract men?

The women suggested a classic black dress or tight jeans.

Men, who were also interviewed, had a different perspective. They wanted to see women in short skirts and low-cut tops... stiletto heels optional, we assume, for the full Barbie look.

It’s a case of “She Said, He Said.” Last week, Meg Ryan dished about the reasons for her divorce from Dennis Quaid while she was promoting her film The Women, in which she plays a scorned wife.

This week, Quaid returns fire. And this is, mind you, about a divorce that happened eight years ago.

In promoting The Women, Ryan told In Style magazine and ABC News that the reason for her divorce was not her affair with Russell Crowe but because Quaid had been unfaithful first and for a long time.

“I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship,” Quaid told Rush & Molloy. “Also, I find it regrettable that our son, Jack, has to be reminded in a public way of the turmoil and pain that every child feels in a divorce."

Quaid has a point. It is a no-no to badmouth your ex in public, because the child, who wants to get along with both parents, feels helpless and conflicted. It also reopens their own wounds, which seriously affects a child, even one Jack’s age, 16.

When an affair has occurred, it rocks a kid's sense of trust.

A deep betrayal has murdered the child’s image of his family. He now has to reconsider his perception of his father and mother and wonder if they might betray his trust too.

Luckily, time does heal those wounds as the parents prove that their love for him is unchanged.

Sometimes kids also see that, with new partners, their parents are truly in love. Luckily for Quaid, he is now happily married to real estate agent Kimberly Buffington and they had twins last November. By all reports, their marriage is solid and loving.

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