Yep, Britney Spears — America's candy-coated sweetheart — has hit an (old) Elvis low at the tender age of 26. And to that we say? Super!

The girl was clearly engaged in a dogged day-to-day media campaign to ruin any credibility she had left with fans, family, friends, and, most important of all, her destiny-deciding judge. Her part conscious/part unconscious young woman on-the-verge display was a painfully off-key, glaringly obvious cry for help.

Any why not? The marriage is toast, the career is in the later stages of decomposition, Britney's brain — judging by all outward appearances — is cooked. And now, Commissioner Scott Gordon has ordered Britney to surrender her two sons, ages one and two, to ex-husband and consummate father-figure, Kevin "Pass that Shit" Federline.

With this latest development, we are now firmly encamped with that kid under the yellow bed sheets on YouTube. Enough! Leave Britney alone!

Get the girl some help and let this be the end of her nightmare, because the next stage in this highly-illogical man-made disaster follows far too closely on the red stiletto heels of Marilyn Monroe.