Yes, you read that right: Scientific research has found a connection between cervical and testicular cancers and divorce, particularly among young people. The research subjects were all Norwiegan couples, but experts say the results may apply elsewhere, as Norway has similar divorce statistics to other developed countries.

On the bright side, the study found that for couples facing other types of cancer, the divorce rate isn't higher, and for breast cancer — sometimes suggested as likely to cause a divorce — the divorce rate is actually lower than for couples not facing cancer.

The researchers admit that they didn't ask why the couples divorced, so they can't lay the blame on the cancer. Some suggested that the interruption to a young couple's sex life caused by the two cancers might be to blame.

It's obvious there is something significant here — it's not like they just made the results up — but I've got to question the connection between cancer and divorce.

The first thing I thought of when I read the reports was what a sociology professor once told me about ice cream sales causing a rise in rapes. The point she was making was about spurious relationships — false causality. Though the statistics seem to show one, there is no causal relationship — the real cause of both is warm weather. (As it was explained to me, in warm weather people tend to do things like stay outdoors after dark and sleep with the windows open, which makes things easier for an attacker.)

Last week, we reported that everyone from her mother to her manager are running for the hills. Now, Britney Spears has fired her old new-lawyers and gotten a new new-lawyer. Marci Levine didn't even last a week.

According to Access Hollywood, Britney will now be represented by Sorrell Trope, well known for representing Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman. That is, until next week, when he'll likely be jumping for cover as well.

As if the lawyerpalooza wasn't enough, it's also been reported that Spears is ignoring the court orders handed down last week. Commissioner Scott Gordon ordered that nether Spears or ex-husband Kevin Federline is permitted to consume alcohol or drugs around the children, or for twelve hours before picking them up. Spears was seen out partying the same night — presumably, a slap in the face to the already agitated judge.

Additionally, Spears must submit to twice-weekly random drug and alcohol screenings, due to what the Court called "habitual, frequent and continuous" drug and alcohol abuse.

Apparently, the judge is very concerned someone will figure out that Spears is higher than the space shuttle. The court ordered all test results sealed, that they can't be faxed to the court, and that anyone distributing them without Court permission will be fined $2,500. Oh gee, now we'll never know.

Spears also has to undergo various types of counseling, including eight hours of parenting classes per week, and individual counseling to address "parenting issues." We think it'd be helpful if they also ordered her into fashion counseling, and perhaps some time with a personal trainer.

According to tech-gossip blog Valleywag, investors in internet search powerhouse Google should start paying closer attention to their profit and loss statements. That's because Eric Schmidt, Google's CEO, has reportedly been diddling the company's former New York press consultant, Marcy Simon, and is now heading for a nasty divorce from wife Wendy.

Since Schmidt owns several billion dollars worth of Google stock, a divorce could throw the stockholder balance out of whack, provided there isn't a prenup. However, that seems to be the least of Google's worries. Apparently, there is a connection between the CEOs buying a big new house and stock prices plummeting — and according to reports, Schmidt is picking up an apartment in Manhattan for he and Simon to make their love nest, at the bargain-basement price of $25 million.

Valleywag thinks Schmidt ought to have to report to Google shareholders on any potential stock losses due to his divorce, as well as his home-buying plans. There's even a suggestion he should add his extramarital proclivities to Google's SEC filings — that's just what we want, more sex in government documents. Does anybody remember the Starr Report?

If there's anything to the rumors, though, shareholders might want to tread with caution. I don't know about others, but I'm thinking it may be time to invest in pork bellies instead.

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Country singer Sara Evans was in court yesterday to defend against allegations by her soon-to-be ex-husband, Craig Schelske, that she's been sleeping her way up and down the A-list. Schelske made headlines last week when he filed a 118-page manifesto with the divorce court, demanding that Evans admit to affairs with eleven other celebrities, including Kenny Chesney and Will Smith.

Attorneys for Evans denied the charges, noting that Evans has only met Smith once, and it lasted a mere five minutes. Chancellor R. E. Lee Davies, the presiding judge in the case, ruled against Schelske as well, finding the couple had already reached an agreement and no further hearings are required. Read more on Evans here.

Meanwhile, embattled pop-star-cum-disaster Britney Spears was in court Monday, facing a mass exodus of advisors and turncoat employees.

Spears' divorce attorney, Laura Wasser, appeared at a hearing to formally withdraw as counsel for the singer. Meanwhile, Spears' managers at Hollywood-based the Firm have dropped her as well, citing "current circumstances" as "prevent[ing] us from doing our job."

Adding to the damage was the surprise appearance of Tony Barretto, a bodyguard fired by Spears several months ago. Though Barretto didn't testify, sources reveal he was prepared to allege "nudity by Ms. Spears, drug use and safety issues involving the children." The Spears camp characterized Barretto as disgruntled.

According to papers released last week, Bobby Brown has filed a motion to dismiss the final judgment issued in his divorce from Whitney Houston.

According to Brown's attorney, Stacy Phillips, there was insufficient time for him to respond to the divorce filings, resulting in Houston being granted full custody of Bobbi Kristina, the couple's 14-year-old daughter. Brown claims he should have custody, and that Houston has prevented him from having contact with Bobbi, a claim Houston disputes.

The judge scheduled the matter for a hearing on October 22, stating "I cannot determine credibility on paperwork. This really boils down to credibility." Stephen Kolodny, Houston's attorney, indicated his belief that the judgment should stand, noting that Brown can request new custody and visitation orders without overturning the original judgment. Presumably, a dismissal of the entire judgment would leave the door open to contesting issues beyond custody and visitation.

Houston testified in April that Bobby was "unreliable" and uninvolved in their daughter's life, while Brown claims he was the child's primary caregiver. The October 22nd hearing will likely see both sides attacking the other's credibility, especially Houston and Brown's past problems with drugs. Whitney Houston underwent drug rehabilitation twice in the course of the couple's fourteen year marriage, while Brown was arrested on alcohol and drug charges.

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