I was unaware that divorces among couples over age 65 has exploded in the last fifteen years. It appears that divorce has become the last resort for a couple with one spouse in a nursing home.

In order to qualify for aid under Medicaid, a patient must be impoverished. With nursing home care costing between $5,000-$12,000 per month, the family's assets need to be depleted in order to get Medicaid assistance. Meanwhile, the healthy spouse is left without the income to pay for survival.

Jan Warner and Jan Collins wrote recently about an incapacitated woman who resides in a nursing home at $7,000 per month. She'd been the bread winner and had — in her name alone — the marital home, $100,000 in savings and $230,000 in an IRA. The husband could not access his wife's accounts to pay her or his living expenses.

Although this is a forty-four-year marriage, two of their estranged children objected to the use of their mother's assets. The husband brought guardianship actions in the Probate Court, which allowed him to live in the marital home. The husband's meager social security, though, was not sufficient to keep up the house expenses.

I don't understand why the family home was in the wife's name alone. There are other facts about this family situation that remain unknown. Why do estranged adult children interdict themselves so their father is denied living funds?

In most cases seniors have to spend down their assets for nursing home aid. Seniors are now divorcing so both parties do not become destitute where one spouses is in a nursing home. The 2006 Federal rules place additional restriction on the amount of family resources before Medicaid kicks in. These draconian rules impact negatively on middle-class families that have a home and savings.

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The Sydney Morning Herald reported recently that Australians are divorcing less than they did six years ago.

Today's divorce rate of 2.5 per 1,000 people is down slightly from 2.9 per 1,000 in 2001.

I'm not sure this is good news, as fewer divorces doesn't mean more long-term happy unions.

The slight decline in Australia — and in the U.S. — is due to several factors:

1. A decline in the number of marriages, possibly resulting in fewer divorces.
2. The practice of co-habiting has grown.
3. There is a decrease in the tendency of divorced persons to remarry.

Still, one in three Australian marriages end in divorce. The most likely divorce candidates are in marriages just over twelve years, men aged 40-44, and women 35-39.

For men it may be a mid-life crisis: they aren't achieving their life goals, and seek new adventures with younger partners. A third of all Australian divorces occur in marriages of five years or less.

While Australian divorces follow the same trend of Western countries, the U.S. still has the highest rate of divorce. Despite a slight decline, the U.S. rate is between 40-50% of marriages. Experts believe that young people marrying for the first time are at the greatest risk for divorce during the first five years of marriage.

In the U.S., marriage rates have declined almost 50% since 1970, from 76.5 per 1,000 to 39.9 per 1,000, at the end of 2006. In 2005, 51% of women were living without a spouse. Women and men are waiting longer to marry.

You may think cohabitation is the way out if you want to avoid divorce, but it's not sure-fire: co-habiting couples have twice the break up rate of married couples. (We just don't call it a divorce.)

In the end, there is only one sure-fire way to avoid divorce: Don't get married.

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In an odd twist on a tragic story, a bizarre divorce action has been added to a Tennessee murder case.

Eric McLean of Knoxville is charged with shooting a teenager who he claims became romantically involved with his wife. On March 10th, McLean shot the teen while he sitting in front of the McLean home.

Mrs. McLean met the high school student months before the shooting, while doing her student teaching.

In addition to the alleged affair with the teen, McLean also alleges that his wife had an inappropriate affair with a woman.

In the complaint filed in the divorce court, Eric said further that his wife abused their two sons. We don't yet know the truth of these allegations, since divorce papers often have a laundry list of wrong-doing.

What I'm wondering is why Eric filed for divorce at the same time he is on trial for second-degree murder. It may be that he believes the divorce will help his criminal defense, since he will be able to make all sorts of accusations against his wife.

He may also hope to deflect attention from the shooting, and boost his defense that he became so enraged that he could not control his emotions or actions. McLean may believe that his situation is equivalent to finding your spouse in a compromising position, expecting a jury might better understand his frame of mind.

I've not been able to get additional information, but I have some doubts about a high school student teacher beginning a relationship with a student. It could be that the young man was enamored of the teacher but there really was no affair.

Filing for divorce while you're a murder suspect seems to me to be frivolous or at least premature, considering what lies ahead for him.

What do you think?

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First Wives World readers have already learned that divorce rates in England have declined about 7%. Could this be happening in the U.S. too?

Dr. Janet Belsky, Professor of Psychology and an expert on life span development suggests that the 50/50 divorce ratio in the U.S. is leaning more in favor of marital success than it did before. She attributes this to an aging population, since people tend to divorce when they are younger.

I'm not so sure about this: We hear of many divorces taking place after 25 years, when children have left home. Research cited in the New York Times, however, shows about 60% of all divorces occur during the first decade of marriage.

There also seems to be a correlation between divorce and education. Data shows that the divorce rate for college graduates during the first 10 years of marriage dropped to 16% for those married between 1990 and 1994.

When Dr. Belsky polled her students at Middle Tennessee State University, she found that 50% had divorced parents and grew up in single-parent homes. Students, well aware of the divorce statistics, express an unwillingness to marry at a young age, preferring to put off marriage until they're well-established in their career. Marriage comes last as an "adult transition," sometimes after the decision to have children.

Divorce rates may be affected as people postpone marriage; it's true that waiting to marry may result in lower chances of getting married. If fewer people marry, it's likely to affect divorce rates.

I'm not so sure, though, about the aging population explanation. I just don't believe that getting married in later life necessarily results in fewer divorces.

Whatever the reason, if the divorce rate is really leveling off, it's a good thing. What do you think?

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On NBC's "Today Show" yesterday, psychologist Debra Mandel explored the range of emotions that can be experienced in a divorce. She says these feelings are present in both short and long-term marriages, and even if it was a mutual breakup. In effect, she says: No divorce is free of emotional pain which I'm sure many of you will agree with.

Recently divorced women have an urgent need to understand their emotional rollercoaster. They should expect feelings ranging from betrayal, guilt, failure, abandonment, rejection, anger, despair, hopelessness, fear and relief. For most, the betrayal of trust is the hardest emotion to overcome, especially if there was cheating.

It takes time to heal, so don't jump into dating and another relationship, for it's likely you will end up with the same type of partner. It takes time to be ready for dating—anywhere from six to 12 months or longer.

The range of feelings will linger, especially if custody and financial issues are not solidly resolved. In due time, you must "learn to forgive, let go and move on,"the psychologist says.

Mandel has accurately summarized the extent of emotional issues. Most divorced women I've known have experienced these feelings. The intensity will vary according to what happened in your marriage. It's easier to enumerate and recognize the emotions, but it's so much more difficult to shed them. Forgiveness is not a simple process. But children can often help overcome the barriers, since the parents will be attached through them for years to come.

Divorced women must feel these emotions in order to start the healing process. It's a bit easier for those who have financial security, a job and the necessities of life. In my opinion, if there was no financial settlement or a marital home, the economic realities make the anger, fears and anguish, longer lasting.

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Perceptions of divorced dads are often mistaken. If they are the non-custodial parent, some men, go through feeble motions of being there for their kids, according to some experts. Many dads are minimally involved and some 20% lose contact with their children altogether.

But a closer look reveals how real dads find a viable role with their kids. Simon Baker, a London-based divorced father of twins, age 5, was determined to have a positive relationship with his son and daughter. His wife moved 300 miles away and when the weekly trip became too difficult, he quit his job and moved to the same town where his ex lives.

Baker has the children every other weekend, Friday-Monday and one or two nights during the week. The children receive 100% of his attention when they are with him; there's no business talk and the mobile phone is off. He has written a book, How to Be A Great Divorced Dad, in which he provides some practical advice:

1. For older children, make a contract with them and list your fatherly responsibilities.
2. Recognize and work on your weaknesses as a parent.
3. Make the children understand that they were not the reason for the divorce.
4. Make quality time for the kids but establish routines and house rules.

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I just read a piece by a couple's financial advisor who wrote about the psychological and economic impact of divorce. After listing reasons why divorce is so expensive, emotionally and financially, he advised couples to "avoid divorce at all costs." I don't agree.

This suggestion may have merit in some splits, but not in all cases. Married people agree that marriages and relationships change, precluding the bliss of courtship days. He believes that problem marriages can survive with dedicated effort and good counseling. Perhaps some marriages can be saved but say you're married to a drug or alcohol abuser, those tendencies may never be changed. Anger management classes can improve physically abusive behavior, but in some cases women and children must escape that environment.

Couples that see divorce as their best recourse will realize that the cost of the procedure almost matches the emotional anguish. Why does divorce cost so much?

Marriage is an economic partnership which requires complicated steps to undo. Two households must be maintained along with the attendant household expenses. Attorneys fees, appraisals, if there is real estate, the splitting of investments and court costs add up. An assessment of the income and earning capacities of each party must be made. Child support, day care, health and educational expenses must be allocated to each party. Neither party walks away unscathed.

The sad thing is that divorce leaves women and their children more economically disadvantaged than men. No matter how you slice the pie, I have found that women and children usually end up with the smallest slice. Women and children can be extremely economically dependent upon men.

Saving a marriage is one route and divorce may be the ultimate step, regardless of economic consequences. What do you think?
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There’s been a lot of research on how divorce affects children, but little attention has been given to adult children of divorce.

A new study reveals that children of divorced parents are “roughly twice as likely to become divorced.” Brian D’Onofrio of the University of Indiana-Bloomington, suggests that children of divorced parents face a 66% “increased risk of divorce” in their own marriages.

Approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce. What is more startling is that an estimated 40% of adults, ages 18 to 40, come from homes with broken marriages.

Some of the reasons for so many failed marriages might be found in the consequences divorce has on adult children. Adult children from divorced homes may have problems in dating and in intimate relationships. They are less trusting of their partners compared to people from intact families. They share negative attributes about marriage and look upon their own relationships as a high risk venture.

According to the research, it seems that without strong role models for a good marriage, these adults are more open to allowing divorce to become an option when marital conflict arises.

Adult children of divorce might find good role models and counseling resources in their communities or from volunteer support groups.

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