For many adult couples, telling their parents they're getting divorced is a strangely difficult task. It brings out feelings and concerns they have not felt for years — Will my parents reject me? Can I still live up to their expectations? How will they react?

Studies indicate that these concerns are unfounded. Parents will not reject their grown child's decision to divorce. It's a stressful and disappointing decision on both sides, though, and there are no roadmaps guiding the role of parents during a divorce.

Marriage counselors have suggested a few tips for parents of adult-divorcing children:

1. Stay Neutral. Don't say, "I told you so." Ask how you can help to make things easier. Don't try to save the marriage — in most cases, they've already tried to work things out. Offer temporary financial support, housing, and care for grandchildren.

2. Be a good listener. Take cues from your child. You can't tell grown children what to do.

3. Maintain a good relationship with the ex. Draw some boundaries, back off, and give your child's ex-spouse some space. Express sympathy, respect, and continued affection.

4. Build bridges with the other grandparents. Both sets of grandparents need to work together for the sake of the grandchildren.

5. Reach out to grandchildren. This will assure them some security, stability, and the knowledge that they still belong.

6. Know your rights. You do not have any legal right to enforce visitation if one parent objects. First Wives World wrote about the visitation issue previously — the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that parents have the right to determine visitation rights. This is why it is extremely important to mend fences with the custodial parent and with the other set of grandparents.

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On NBC's "Today Show" yesterday, psychologist Debra Mandel explored the range of emotions that can be experienced in a divorce. She says these feelings are present in both short and long-term marriages, and even if it was a mutual breakup. In effect, she says: No divorce is free of emotional pain which I'm sure many of you will agree with.

Recently divorced women have an urgent need to understand their emotional rollercoaster. They should expect feelings ranging from betrayal, guilt, failure, abandonment, rejection, anger, despair, hopelessness, fear and relief. For most, the betrayal of trust is the hardest emotion to overcome, especially if there was cheating.

It takes time to heal, so don't jump into dating and another relationship, for it's likely you will end up with the same type of partner. It takes time to be ready for dating—anywhere from six to 12 months or longer.

The range of feelings will linger, especially if custody and financial issues are not solidly resolved. In due time, you must "learn to forgive, let go and move on,"the psychologist says.

Mandel has accurately summarized the extent of emotional issues. Most divorced women I've known have experienced these feelings. The intensity will vary according to what happened in your marriage. It's easier to enumerate and recognize the emotions, but it's so much more difficult to shed them. Forgiveness is not a simple process. But children can often help overcome the barriers, since the parents will be attached through them for years to come.

Divorced women must feel these emotions in order to start the healing process. It's a bit easier for those who have financial security, a job and the necessities of life. In my opinion, if there was no financial settlement or a marital home, the economic realities make the anger, fears and anguish, longer lasting.

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Perceptions of divorced dads are often mistaken. If they are the non-custodial parent, some men, go through feeble motions of being there for their kids, according to some experts. Many dads are minimally involved and some 20% lose contact with their children altogether.

But a closer look reveals how real dads find a viable role with their kids. Simon Baker, a London-based divorced father of twins, age 5, was determined to have a positive relationship with his son and daughter. His wife moved 300 miles away and when the weekly trip became too difficult, he quit his job and moved to the same town where his ex lives.

Baker has the children every other weekend, Friday-Monday and one or two nights during the week. The children receive 100% of his attention when they are with him; there's no business talk and the mobile phone is off. He has written a book, How to Be A Great Divorced Dad, in which he provides some practical advice:

1. For older children, make a contract with them and list your fatherly responsibilities.
2. Recognize and work on your weaknesses as a parent.
3. Make the children understand that they were not the reason for the divorce.
4. Make quality time for the kids but establish routines and house rules.

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Divorce is experienced so differently by each person who goes through it. In my own experience, it's involved a grieving process with many emotions including anger, frustration, sorrow, anguish, bitterness, hatred and regret.

I was reading a piece by a relationship expert and in general, it confirms most everything I've heard. For example, therapists agree that you have a right to your feelings no matter what they are and you shouldn't feel guilty about mourning your loss. In other words, you have to "feel" in order to heal, so give yourself time to grieve.

Experts advise you to do things that you love to do and may have deferred. If possible, pamper yourself with a makeover. Avoid hiding from family and friends because divorce is a time when you need all the support you can get. Being positive will help you attract new friends.

The survival stage is the next step in recovery. You need to ensure the basics-food, clothing and shelter for yourself and your kids, if you have them. Reevaluate your budget by listing sources of income and list expenses, fixed and non fixed. If there's a shortfall, it may be necessary to re-think non-fixed expenditures. Avoid new debt and be smart with your money, keeping in mind income tax implications.

With children, there can be no complete split. Both parents have joint responsibility for support and the divorce decree should confront custody, visitation and debt obligations. If you have joint credit accounts with your ex, you must be notified if payments aren't being made since the situation will affect your credit.
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