When I was a little girl, my father used to call me his "petit chou," apparently a French term of endearment that translates to "little cabbage." I thought he was being offensive. He thought I was being provincial. Sadly, folks, it gets far worse than cabbage in Syria.

An Islamic man just divorced his wife at their wedding reception because she called him her little donkey. Let that sink in for a minute.

The wife had selected an Arabic song that includes the line, "I love you, my little donkey" as their first dance. She apparently kept singing and singing, and in so doing, called her groom a donkey over and over.

Hubby didn't like it, and demanded the DJ change the song. The DJ refused, as this was the song the wife had chosen, and left the record playing. The enraged husband grabbed the microphone and yelled "Talaq! Talaq! Talaq!" ("I divorce you! I divorce you! I divorce you!") to the amazement of the crowd.

According to Islamic law, if a man says this three times, he's divorced. Done. Over. Just like that. In January, I wrote about a man who did this over the public address system in the supermarket, and men are starting to do it by text message. Why can't my divorce can't be this easy?

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I think we can all say with relative certainty that divorce sucks. Unfortunately, the fact that it sucks discounts neither its reality nor its necessity. Holland's first divorce fair is a good indicator of that.

Following in the footsteps of the Austrian divorce fair last year, mediators, lawyers, financial planners and others convened in the Netherlands to create a one-stop shop for divorcing couples. In addition to the usual suspects, there were booths for dating services, paternity testing, and "divorce planners," who are less like wedding planners and more like financial advisors.

That the world needs another divorce fair does not surprise me. When it comes to divorce, little surprises me anymore. What surprises me is the attitude of those getting divorced. Elsbeth van den Berg, founder of a Dutch divorce Web site, says that couples treat each other horribly during the divorce process. "People feel rejected, neglected, and the only thing they want to do is not to say ‘I feel sad'. No, they want to say ‘I'm going to hurt you, like you hurt me.'"

Seriously, why does this happen? Across the world, 50 percent of married couples get divorced. We have to know that there's at least a chance it will happen to us. Why do we spend so much time raging? Why are we so hell-bent on revenge? Why do we spend so much more time hating him than we do loving ourselves? Why is spiritual divorce the exception, rather than the rule?

One of the attendees, an unmarried man there to get information for a divorcing friend, said "As far as I'm concerned, I think marriage is a failed institution. I think joining this failed institution is a waste of time. You don't need a piece of paper to say that you're in a relationship."

To celebrate the week of Valentine's Day, CBS News ran a comprehensive report on the state of marriage and divorce in America. I was expecting to be depressed, or maybe hopeful. I ended up being both.

First, there were stats. The seven-year itch has turned into the eight-year itch, which is progress, I guess. The average age for a first marriage has increased dramatically, which is a hopeful sign — when you're older, there's supposed to be a better chance you know what you're getting yourself into. People of both genders are more educated more now than they have ever been through the entire of human history, which helps. These are good things.

Then the not-so-good. Hidden in the second page of the article are some legal tales from the trenches. Divorce attorneys are saying that people have come to anticipate the high cost of divorce and are often going out of their way to make things more unpleasant for their soon-to-be ex. "It's one thing to get a really good gun, it's another to get lots of ammo with it," said one lawyer. "And when you're really, really mad, and you have the money to do something about it, that's what wars are made of."

His favorite horror story? Valentine's Day. "Having the process server specifically told, 'I want to make sure you get to her on Valentine's Day.' And then if you really want to rub salt in it, they have them film it. Believe it or not, they've done that! To where 'I want to be able to watch it, I want to see it. I want sound'." Sound, people. They want to hear what happens when their spouse's life falls apart on Valentine's Day.

And before anybody gets it in their head that it's men doing this, think again. Two thirds of divorces are filed by women. It's not just the guys being mean, so we can all drop the "men are evil" act right now.

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Working at First Wives World, I'm surrounded by divorce every day. I like the stuff that heals and I try to avoid the stuff that hurts. A lot of divorce books come my way, and most of them could handily be retitled: "Take Him To The Cleaners: How to take your man hating bitterness to new heights" and not even the author would know the difference.

Not this one, though. "Storms Can't Hurt the Sky: A Buddhist Path Through Divorce" by Gabriel Cohen has me very, very excited. Part memoir, part self-help, the newly Buddhist Cohen writes about the day his wife left without a backwards glance or even a note.

"Change and loss are inevitable, but that the suffering we derive from them is not," says Cohen of his new spiritual path and the time after the end of his marriage. He found Buddhism via a flier, and while he thought it would be hokey, he went along to the advertised talk anyway. He credits Buddhism with allowing him to release his anger, something we could all use.

This book is one of three Cohen has released this year, in three different genres through three different publishers. When I split up with my ex I hid in my apartment and read chick lit for two years. This guy's published three books. That alone is something to learn from.

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We've come a long way from Emily Post and old school Miss Manners. Etiquette books used to be about appropriate table settings and the socially correct way to address a wedding invitation. With a divorce rate that seems to be permanently set at 50 percent and an awkwardness quotient that sits at around 100 percent, it's not surprising that people have questions.

In a recent piece I read, the friend of a divorcée is looking for help. Seems like the ex-wife went on a bit of a hate campaign and rallied her friends into believing the husband was completely at fault. The friend, now divorced herself, has come to realize that nothing is ever as black and white as it seems, feels bad for alienating the guy and wants to recreate a friendship with him.

So what's the etiquette here? Personally, I think there's no reason to rekindle that friendship. If the split was recent, everybody's feelings are going to be hurt and this woman will end up in the middle of something ugly. If it was a long time ago, the guy has probably moved on and doesn't want to dredge up the past. If he hasn't moved on, she's going to end up playing Agony Aunt to a bitter and lonely man, which doesn't exactly make for lively dinner party conversation.

My advice? Learn from your mistakes, but don't try to get someone else involved in fixing them. You treated this guy like crap because you believed the venom your friend was spewing about him. Apologize if it makes you feel better, but leave the door closed. When you find yourself in this situation again — and you will, because everybody and their mother is getting divorced these days — don't be so quick to judge.

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The public turnaround of Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, is an inspiration to divorced women everywhere. Where our own marriage and personal failings and mistakes are embarrassing in front of our families, friends, and maybe the readers of our blogs, Fergie's have been published everywhere. Yes, splitting up with my husband was difficult, but not as difficult as waking up to find you've been renamed The Duchess of Pork by the entire British press.

No wonder she gained so much weight.

Fergie gave a talk in California on Monday night as part of their Distinguished Speakers program and talked about her divorce, her kids, her weight issues — the whole gamut. "My only friend was food," she said. "My pet ponies and food got me through."

She went on to explain that she and Prince Andrew still share a home together, where they raise their daughters, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, although they have no plans to reconcile. It's simply a convenient and secure environment in which to raise their daughters. "I still do love my handsome prince, but it just works better for us this way to keep things the way they are."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all that well adjusted?

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We've written more than once on First Wives World about the traumatic effects that divorce has on children. Many readers and writers here have experienced for themselves the dramatic changes in their kids' behavior, school performance and relationships.

On the other hand, many men and women who have gone through a divorce themselves have struggled to find ways to cope and even thrive in the post-divorce period. Marvin Gaye wrote an album about it. Anastasia Royal wrote a novel. And Libby Rees wrote a self-help book — when she was 10.

"Help, Hope & Happiness" was a "runaway success," offering advice and encouragement to children going through their parents' divorce. When Libby was going through it herself — her parents divorced five years ago — she said that she received a lot of support from the adults in her life. The problem was, she — and others like her — feel that parents and other adults are just telling children what they want to hear. She felt there was a huge gap in information for children old enough to understand what was going on, but still too young to really know how to handle it.

Turns out, she was right. Her book has been translated into five languages, and she's taking part in a television series based on the information she gives.

So what did she do to get through the hard times? "One of the first things I did was go for walks to help me think more clearly. I would pick up a stick, label it with whatever was worrying me that day, then fling it away. It was my way of distancing myself from it."