Research by a marketing company in England shows that nine out of ten women “cheat” in some way to look better. Cheat? That’s a bad word around here, but this is what the Telegraph newspaper in London meant: here’s what women do when weight loss (women in Great Britain are losing weight, while men are gaining), facials, and makeup aren’t helping.

• Some 50 percent of the 1,300 women interviewed wear push up bras and 10 percent used “chicken fillets” to help elevate their attributes.

• Women deploy “shapewear,” like Jennifer Lopez, right, in what the English call “Magic Pants.”

• They put Vaseline on their eyelids to look more chipper, and use hemorrhoid cream to relieve puffiness and circles under the eyes.

• Another 40 percent wear oversize pants to hide bumps and bulges.

• When in doubt, one third of the women seek dark corners or dim the lights.

The survey was carried out at the giant Lakeside shopping center just east of greater London, a shopping destination with offerings ranging from Costco to Mercedes Benz. The survey also listed the women’s pet peeves: visible panty lines, the need to deal with hairy legs, streaky fake tans, lipstick on the teeth, and runny mascara.

So, once these women have donned their pushup bras, squeezed into shapewear, and used under-eye cream that is meant for somewhere else, what do they think they should wear in order to attract men?

The women suggested a classic black dress or tight jeans.

Men, who were also interviewed, had a different perspective. They wanted to see women in short skirts and low-cut tops... stiletto heels optional, we assume, for the full Barbie look.