Kids and Family - Experts and Resources

Kids, Divorce And New Traditions For The Holidays

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 8:23am

I’m sure I don’t have to tell anyone who’s been within a country mile of a divorce that the holiday season can be especially difficult. Regardless of where you are in your life, being at one gathering after another full of family and friends after your marriage has broken up is a strain on your emotions. It’s tough enough trying to navigate yourself through that minefield, but if you’ve got kids it’s an even greater challenge.

Happy Divorced Family Holidays

Tips for dealing with combined family holidays

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Tue, 11/22/2011 - 9:29am

With the increasing emphasis on mediation and collaborative divorces, perhaps it stands to reason that some of those ideas are taking hold in areas of post-divorce life, like navigating the holidays.

I read an article about a woman who co-wrote a book on this subject. You'll never guess who the other co-writer was — her husband's ex wife! It's actually a nice niche for divorce information that tends to get ignored. We get hung up so much in the legal process, dividing up assets and figuring out visitation schedules that it can be easy to lose sight of the fact that kids get pulled in a lot of different directions during holidays. And that's not good.

Two Homes For The Holidays

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Fri, 11/11/2011 - 8:14am

Most of the time when you think about the way a divorce impacts kids, you think about young children who aren't emotionally mature enough to deal with what's happening. Well, it's not just younger kids who have that problem. College students whose parents get divorced may be able to handle things on the surface. But it's a strain on their emotions nonetheless.

I read a piece in the student newspaper from California State University-Chico that really shed some light on the subject. And it's a poignant subject for this time of year as college students get ready to come home for the holidays. A lot of them have two homes to go to. Balancing time with both parents can be a struggle, particularly if the divorce happened while the student was away at school.

Saving Marriages? One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 7:45am

I stumbled across a column in a small Georgia newspaper written by the president of the Georgia Family Council. Not surprisingly, he was advocating the benefits of sticking it out through the bad parts of a marriage and not getting divorced.

I always cringe when I hear about organizations like this. They have an agenda — usually a conservative political agenda that is religiously motivated — that I don’t care for. And you can start to get that vibe when you read the writer’s "strengthen the family" message. But rather than simply being critical on socio-political grounds, I think it’s wise to read what he has to say and then see if you agree or disagree with it on a point-by-point basis.

"If I Could Tell Mommy And Daddy..."

Whatever happened to the best interests of the child?

Posted to Relevant News by Naomi Dunne on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 9:09am

My parents divorced when I was four months old. There were custody battles. There were children's advocates. There was a custody trial — complete with swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth — in which I was asked to choose at the age of 10 which parent I should live with.

There were three cloak-and-dagger plane rides with a non-custodial parent trying to "take me back." There were emergency passports issued to get me out of the country. According to my mother, I was kidnapped by my father. According to my father, it happened the other way around.

We call this acting in the best interests of the child?

Should Your Parents Remain Close With Your Ex-Husband?

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 9:42am

I read a report recently that really sort of disturbed me, even though it was about a trend that a lot of people think is a positive thing.

The story is about “friendly ex-laws.” Apparently there are a lot of divorced people who maintain friendships with their ex’s parents. I suppose every situation is different, and admittedly there is something to be said for having everyone maintain their maturity and civility after a divorce. But my gut reaction is to wonder how anyone could really be comfortable with this.

Even if your divorce was amicable there’s still an inherently negative vibe that permeates everything and every relationship that was associated with the marriage. I don’t see how anyone can compartmentalize their relationships like this.

Dogs And Divorce

A place no law should go

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 8:00am

Apparently, the state legislature in Wisconsin has a lot of extra time on its hands.

Last week, Wisconsin state representative Sheryl Albers introduced a bill seeking to prevent judges from ordering joint custody of pets if divorcing couples can’t agree on who’s going to keep them.

Here’s the backstory: Albers’ husband had three kids and a dog from his first marriage. When he and his previous wife split up, neither of them wanted to keep the dog. Problem was, the kids couldn’t bear to get rid of the dog. So a judge decided that the dog should travel with the kids between the two homes. Enter Rep. Albers. Apparently she doesn’t care for dog hair on her carpet. And so, like something from a twisted episode of “Schoolhouse Rock,” a bill was born.

Where would politics be without self-interest?

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