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Kids can be emotionally damaged for life if parents don't enable and encourage them to express their emotions about the situation. That was the message yesterday on an "Oprah" segment.
Oprah spoke with M. Gary Neuman, author and founder of the Sandcastles Program, a program for kids ages six to 17 designed to help them cope with their parents' separation or divorce.
On the show, Oprah and Neuman spoke with kids about the pain of their parents' divorces. In one case, a mother left her two kids in the care of their father, but the pain of her abandonment and rejection remained fresh as both the boy and girl wept openly over the loss.
Kids tend to feel responsible for the rejection of the parent who abandoned them, Neuman said. He told the two siblings on the show that they didn't make their mom go away and they can't make her return.
Neuman told the audience that if kids don't let their emotions out at the time of the split, they will become damaged adults. Frequently boys grow up to experience rage, girls experience chronic depression. "Kids heal through love and connection," Neuman said. "They blame themselves after divorce and secretly think they can fix the divorce."
Neuman said parents should hold their tongues and never criticize one another in front of the kids. Parents should speak to their kids frankly when they have decided to divorce and allow them to ask questions. Spend time listening and talking and afterward, have everyone hold hands and hug.
For more information on Neuman's Sandcastles program, click here.
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What Others Have Shared ()
Kids and divorce
My daughter is 41 and still suffers from her father's lack of attention once we were divorced. She longs for his approval, which of course, has never come. Sherry has been to several counselors through the years, and nothing seems to fill the void.. She knows I love her, has a wonderful family, but deep down still wonders why her dad was able to move on without her.
Parents who leave their children can never repair the damage. All we can do is pick up the pieces, as mentioned encourage them to express how they feel. Teach them, some things cannot be changed or overcome; and work on living with the loss. Avoiding discussing your children's feelings will not make them go away. It makes it worse. There are no text book happy endings, however, you can move on and live happily and from time to time wonder why, and wish it was different. I know this because not only did my daughter live through this, but so did I..
So we live..enjoy and love the life we make. Speaking out, talking about the frustration, sadness, and continued battle we fight with ourselves. By educating other parents teaching them to keep their children in their lives if they divorce. Talk it out, never, should either parent judge the other, no matter what they've done. ..Instead love your children, and fulfill the commitment you made when you had them. Thanks for the post..
Dorothy from grammology
call your grandma
i know what u mean home
i know what u mean home girlllllllllllll