Forget about those Santa Ana winds. Oscar's embers blew directly into Ann Blanchard's house Tuesday night as Hollywood honchos, TV execs, first and second wives, along with various and sundry well-wishers gathered for a reading of Mimi Schmir's fictional and hilarious "Hot Flashes" blog...

The confab, masterminded by the former William Morris überagent who's now with Mosaic Media, drew Hollywood's finest TV and film actresses who read selections from the blog which chronicles the rollercoaster antics of Schmir's heroine, Esme, a late 40s-ish divorced mother of two. While I wasn't in Ann's parlor experiencing the "Hot Flashes," faux and for-real, firstwivesworld.com's intrepid correspondent reports the evening was a scorcher. Yes, HOT or you know, HOT!

Actresses Amy Brenneman ("Private Practice" and "Judging Amy"); Dana Delany ("Desperate Housewives"); Kathyrn Morris ("Cold Case"); and Natasha Henstridge ("Commander-in-Chief") each morphed into Esme as they read portions of the edgy blog that began on firstwivesworld.com. And they say there aren't any good parts for women?? Huh?!

Schmir, a writer for TV hits "Grey's Anatomy" and "Shark," was feted for her fiesty and comedic portrayal of the daily exploits of a pre-menopausal late 40s mom who's trying to move on with her life after a divorce in which her husband leaves her for a younger model (surprise, surprise). "Hot Flashes" just may be the next "Starter Wife" but there's a difference: "Hot Flashes" started on firstwivesworld.com, yes, the Web baby, and is destined for episodic television.

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Oscar's afterglow may be fading but man-oh-man is it gettin' hot in here or what? Nah... it's just those damn "Hot Flashes"! Yeah, baby...

What, you say, am I talking about? Well, it's a reading of Mimi Schmir's fictional blog "Hot Flashes" that's getting firstwivesworld.com all hot and bothered. Mimi (pictured here) and a whole bunch of first, and most likely second wives will gather Tuesday night in Los Angeles to hear actresses Dana Delaney (ABC's "Desperate Housewives"), Amy Brenneman (ABC's "Private Practice"), Natasha Henstridge ("Dirty, Sexy Money") and Kathryn Morris (CBS' "Cold Case") read selections from the blog.

The reading, presented by First Wives World Productions along with the fabulous, Ann Blanchard, will feature the renowned actresses channeling the adventures of "Esme," Mimi's alter-ego, as she goes through a variety of pitfalls, hilarious escapades and twisted sexcapades. "Hot Flashes" appears once a week on firstwivesworld.com. Mimi also wrote for ABC's hit series "Grey's Anatomy".

There are more fictional series and episodic Webisodes planned on firstwivesworld.com. Now how's that for hot...?

 

Kids can be emotionally damaged for life if parents don't enable and encourage them to express their emotions about the situation. That was the message yesterday on an "Oprah" segment.

Oprah spoke with M. Gary Neuman, author and founder of the Sandcastles Program, a program for kids ages six to 17 designed to help them cope with their parents' separation or divorce.

On the show, Oprah and Neuman spoke with kids about the pain of their parents' divorces. In one case, a mother left her two kids in the care of their father, but the pain of her abandonment and rejection remained fresh as both the boy and girl wept openly over the loss.

Kids tend to feel responsible for the rejection of the parent who abandoned them, Neuman said. He told the two siblings on the show that they didn't make their mom go away and they can't make her return.

Neuman told the audience that if kids don't let their emotions out at the time of the split, they will become damaged adults. Frequently boys grow up to experience rage, girls experience chronic depression. "Kids heal through love and connection," Neuman said. "They blame themselves after divorce and secretly think they can fix the divorce."

Neuman said parents should hold their tongues and never criticize one another in front of the kids. Parents should speak to their kids frankly when they have decided to divorce and allow them to ask questions. Spend time listening and talking and afterward, have everyone hold hands and hug.

For more information on Neuman's Sandcastles program, click here.

Women's chances of getting remarried diminish after separation and divorce, according to the findings of a new study.

Their chances of moving on and finding a successful relationship can be particularly hampered when there are children from a previous relationship or marriage.

The study, conducted by Dutch researcher Anne-Rigt Poortman, revealed that the prospects of embarking on a new relationship are slimmer for women as compared to men. One reason for this may be that women are far more cautious after a failed marriage or cohabiting relationship than men are.

Hmm. From everything I've seen and heard, this tends to be true. I've noticed that men tend to remarry or secure a significant relationship within three years of being divorced or widowed. In my opinion, men tend to gravitate back to relationships quite easily.

Poortman also found that while separated or divorced, people still wanted a partner and furthermore, had a stronger desire for less committed types of relationships such as a living-apart-together relationship or unmarried cohabitation.

Interestingly, her findings reveal that divorced people preferred not to live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabited in the past prefer that arrangement. The study also found that divorced men and women appear to prefer divorced partners. And people who have gone through a divorce are more likely to get divorced again.

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The findings of a new 10-year study reveal that women who force themselves to remain calm during fights with their spouses are at a higher risk of death and have a higher incidence of stress-related diseases like depression and irritable bowel syndrome.

In fact, women who "self-silence" were four times more likely to die than women who let it all out during arguments, according to the research conducted by Dr. Elaine D. Eaker of Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Md.

In my opinion, this research seems to prove what many women already know: You just gotta let it out! Why keep it all in? Express yourself to your spouse, partner, ex, kids, etc.

Eaker study examined behavior, incidence of heart disease and mortality within marriage. She wanted to understand the dynamics of what really goes on in a marriage during arguments. Her research also confirmed that marriage is good for men's health and that married men enjoy better health compared to unmarried men. We wonder if that's the case even when the men are terribly unhappy and stressed in their relationships.

Eaker's research, published in the July/August issue of Psychosomatic Medicine, suggests that men and women need to take a closer look at the changing roles and expectations for husbands and wives and in general, men and women in society. Too, she notes that marriage partners need to offer one another a safe place to express feelings of conflict before it's too late and the marriage ends in divorce.

 

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When a man gets married, he gets a wife. When a woman marries, she not only gets a husband, but also his name. In our recent poll, a majority of our readers found it just as hard to shake their husband's name as it was to shake him.

Shanti Chandrasekhar spoke to Parade Magazine this week about the process she went through to take back her rather unusual last name. Originally from India, Shanti recounts her struggle to regain her maiden Indian name, and the identity it represents. In an ironic twist, her difficulty occurs on the phone with an Indian call center employee forced to adopt an American identity and name. Our own Rachel Small wrote recently on the process for regaining your maiden name after the divorce is final.

Though many women find it too much trouble to change, many women find the return to their maiden name liberating. First Wives World's bloggers have plenty to say on just what is in a name: Michelle Rosenthal shares her triumph at regaining the her maiden name and the identity it represents, while Debbie Nigro emphasizes the diverse options and the alternate freedom she has found with a hyphen.

Share your thoughts on naming in our reader poll, and check back regularly to connect, share and inspire here at First Wives World.

First Wives World readers have come to know that our Debbie Nigro is a multi-talented and versatile woman who loves to shake things up--on her show, on the blog, in her life...Now, she's shakin' things up in your underwear drawer!

Yes, that's right...Debbie's latest guest column on About.com's Divorce Support channel is about changin' it up and changing out your undies. Going through a divorce? Go through your underwear collection while you're at it and revitalize your stock of bras, panties, body slimmers and heck, don't forget the stockings and garters...!

One of the best ways to move on after a divorce or when you're in the thick of a split, is to scout out new undergarments for every occasion and every mood. You'll feel better, sexier and like a new person. Take it from Debbie! Check out her column, the first in a regular series on About.com...

At First Wives World, we have a voracious appetite for trends and observations that will help support the 40 million women who are going through a divorce. In fact, we're so eager to uncover new insights and findings that we poll our readers regularly to find out what they're thinking.

We wanted to know whether most women who are transitioning through divorce tend to keep their married name. Surprisingly, 54% of the women we polled did keep their married name--29% said they kept it for the sake of the kids and 25% because the process of changing names seemed too difficult. However, 46% of the women we polled went back to their old name--their original, "maiden" name!

One of our bloggers, Michelle Rosenthal, has discussed the name-change game recently. And Rachel Small has weighed in on how to re-establish your name legally.

Visit us each day to find out more about what we're up to and what we're talking about!

 

Actress Kate Hudson tells Harper's Bazaar that dating since her divorce from rocker Chris Robinson is "very different" since she has a three-year-old son. Dating as a single mom is, "like growing up. It's adult," she says.

Come on...! Doesn't Goldie Hawn's daughter have anything more insightful to say? Of course dating after divorce when you have a child, or two, or three, is challenging. For a high-profile actress, navigating the obstacles isn't necessarily harder, it's just different. Think of cameras trailing your every move and the fodder for supermarket tabloids. Who's Kate's guy of the week? Most divorced moms don't have to contend with that kind of attention.

As for another marriage, Hudson says she's checked it off her "list of to-dos." She does leave us with one key insight: "The idea of marriage, I realize now, no longer holds the answer to anything."

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Some celebs do quite well, thank you, post-divorce. Take Nick Lachey, for example. He says his divorce from Jessica Simpson was the best thing that could have happened to him. The couple, who appeared on the MTV reality show "Newlyweds," split in November 2005 after three years of marriage.

In an interview, he says, ""It was best for both of us that it ended the way it did. ...It was a tough thing to go through. It's good to move on and I think I've done that, you have to let it go. I learned a lot of valuable lessons."

Lachey now dates entertainment reporter Vanessa Minnillo and says he's never been happier.

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