Just how do women get through infidelity in marriage? Does infidelity always lead to divorce?

These are questions the media and armchair pundits are pondering in the aftermath of the Spitzer sex scandal. Psychologists and academics say the obligation to remain sexually faithful to one's spouse continues to carry a lot of weight, at least in the U.S. In France and Italy, it's something else altogether. But in the U.S., among all the marital problems one can have, infidelity is the one most likely to lead to divorce.

Sociologists' research on infidelity shows that men are routinely motivated by sex, while women stray outside the bounds of marriage in search of emotional intimacy, the kind they're not receiving from their spouse. Yes, more men than women cheat, but the numbers are increasing for both genders.

In fact, a 1994 study by sociologist Edward Lauman found that 10 percent to 11 percent of spouses had cheated in the previous year; over a lifetime, the study revealed about 18 percent of women and 24 percent of men reported an extramarital affair. More recently, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that nearly 90 percent of participants said it's morally wrong for married individuals to have an affair, which may or may not involve sex. Nearly the same percentage said adultery is morally wrong.

Notably, experts say that wives are more likely to forgive a cheating spouse and remain in the marriage particularly if the infidelity was committed with a prostitute or a one-night stand, versus a mistress or someone with whom a longer-term emotional bond was formed. However men are much less forgiving of their cheating wives; most don't tolerate their wives' indiscretions and view infidelity as a statement about their manhood.

The hand-wringing over Silda Wall Spitzer's future with her now defamed husband, the governor of New York, has officially begun. Newspapers, talk radio, TV pundits, therapists and armchair shrinks — yeah, that's you and me and all of us — all chipping in with our two cents.

Silda, Silda, Silda... Whatever was she thinking standing by her cheatin' hubby, the gov of New York? Well, she and the gov are married for 20 years. They have three kids together. She shelved her prestigious and lucrative legal career to raise the kids and to be a dutiful political wife. She's also a passionate philanthropist and organizer, having founded a children's advocacy program (Children for Children), among other activities.

This is a dynamic woman. She is no fool. Will her children, three beautiful girls, ever be able to trust the men in their lives? What message does it send to them if she stays?

All bets are off on Silda's marriage. Yep. In what's likely to become the Super Bowl of divorces, I anticipate a separation and divorce proceedings to begin within six to eight months, or at least before the end of 2008.

Forget about those Santa Ana winds. Oscar's embers blew directly into Ann Blanchard's house Tuesday night as Hollywood honchos, TV execs, first and second wives, along with various and sundry well-wishers gathered for a reading of Mimi Schmir's fictional and hilarious "Hot Flashes" blog...

The confab, masterminded by the former William Morris überagent who's now with Mosaic Media, drew Hollywood's finest TV and film actresses who read selections from the blog which chronicles the rollercoaster antics of Schmir's heroine, Esme, a late 40s-ish divorced mother of two. While I wasn't in Ann's parlor experiencing the "Hot Flashes," faux and for-real, firstwivesworld.com's intrepid correspondent reports the evening was a scorcher. Yes, HOT or you know, HOT!

Actresses Amy Brenneman ("Private Practice" and "Judging Amy"); Dana Delany ("Desperate Housewives"); Kathyrn Morris ("Cold Case"); and Natasha Henstridge ("Commander-in-Chief") each morphed into Esme as they read portions of the edgy blog that began on firstwivesworld.com. And they say there aren't any good parts for women?? Huh?!

Schmir, a writer for TV hits "Grey's Anatomy" and "Shark," was feted for her fiesty and comedic portrayal of the daily exploits of a pre-menopausal late 40s mom who's trying to move on with her life after a divorce in which her husband leaves her for a younger model (surprise, surprise). "Hot Flashes" just may be the next "Starter Wife" but there's a difference: "Hot Flashes" started on firstwivesworld.com, yes, the Web baby, and is destined for episodic television.

And that's more often the case these days. U.S. census data revealed earlier this week that more than half the Americans who might have made it to their 25th wedding anniversaries since 2000 got divorced, separated or widowed before reaching that benchmark. The data reveals that for the first time since World War II, couples who got hitched in the late 1970s had a less-than-even chance of remaining married 25 years later.

You've heard of the seven-year itch, the restlessness that occurs in a marriage after seven years —allegedly — and if not, the brilliant movie starring Marilyn Monroe. These days, some experts think the seven-year itch is happening even earlier, say around three years. People start getting bored, they're looking for an adrenaline boost — a little romance and excitement — the kind you can get from a new partner.

First Wives World's Debbie Nigro commented on the new census data and trends in a piece today on the "CBS Early Show." Debbie noted that one of the problems is that for some people, "commitment" doesn't mean "commitment" any longer, or doesn't mean "commitment" to a single person for life. "It's ‘commitment' until I say it isn't." Marriage, Debbie told the "Early Show," is a "work in progress." To be sure, it is a relationship that requires understanding, empathy and a commitment to working on it throughout your life.

The results of First Wives World's latest poll are in and they're, uh, rather surprising. We asked you how much sex you're having each month and found that 55 percent of the 10,000 divorcées surveyed answered "none."

Another 22 percent of those surveyed said they were "lucky to get it" one to three times a month, 13 percent of the divorced women polled said they had sex three to six times a month. And 11 percent claimed they had "more than I'll ever admit to."

Well, you told us! Now your task for today, along with juggling job, kids, home, social activities and extended family is to go out and cultivate your inner sex goddess. Maybe it's dressing a bit more provocatively (okay, don't go overboard if you're in a conservative office!), saying hello to the guy at the coffee stand or just projecting a beautiful smile. But whatever it is, do it with positive energy and you'll be reeling in men before too long. At least that's what they say!

Click here for more about the poll in today's New York Post.

Did you know that couples typically wait six years too long to start marriage counseling? Often, by then, too much resentment has built up and it can be too late to repair the relationship.

I read an interesting piece on the Huffington Post by relationship expert Dr. Joshua Coleman who set out the Top Five red flags that you're headed for a divorce. Take a look and see if you agree:

1. You Often Fantasize About Divorce

Fantasizing about divorce offers a feeling of freedom. "During a crisis or during a particularly bad time in a marriage, reminding yourself that you can always leave can be a reassuring thought. However, chronic fantasizing about divorce may indicate that you're stuck in a dynamic from which you don't know how to escape and need more help to solve."

2. The Frequency of Your Negative Experiences Far Outweighs the Number of Your Positive Experiences with Each Other

"Marital researcher John Gottman found that in successful marriages, there are five positive exchanges for every negative. If the negative consistently outweigh the positive, then your marriage may be in trouble."

3. You Never Confide in Each Other

"Confiding in your spouse and having your spouse confide in you is an important way to relieve stress, strengthen your bond, and maintain a healthy 'us against the world' mentality. A lack of confiding may indicate that there's an insufficient amount of trust in the marriage."

4. One or Both of You Engages in Ongoing Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness or Stonewalling

"Research shows that couples who frequently use these defenses are more at risk for divorce than couples who rarely use them. While conflict is unavoidable, couples need to learn healthy ways ot expressing their complaints."

5. You Engage in the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

First Wives World readers have come to know that our Debbie Nigro is a multi-talented and versatile woman who loves to shake things up--on her show, on the blog, in her life...Now, she's shakin' things up in your underwear drawer!

Yes, that's right...Debbie's latest guest column on About.com's Divorce Support channel is about changin' it up and changing out your undies. Going through a divorce? Go through your underwear collection while you're at it and revitalize your stock of bras, panties, body slimmers and heck, don't forget the stockings and garters...!

One of the best ways to move on after a divorce or when you're in the thick of a split, is to scout out new undergarments for every occasion and every mood. You'll feel better, sexier and like a new person. Take it from Debbie! Check out her column, the first in a regular series on About.com...

First Wives World has a terrific column featured on About.com's Guide to Divorce Support. The Guide's coordinator, Cathy Meyer, graciously asked our own Debbie Nigro to write a guest column for a series she's running this week on "Moving On."

Well, guess what? No one has more experience with movin' on and movin' up than Debbie, who has successfully reinvented her personal and professional life, post-divorce, with incredible energy and verve. She's resilient, and so are you!

In fact, that's the message of her piece on About called "A Formula For Getting Back to Great." It's all about women being in control of their destiny and plodding ahead, putting one foot in front of the other to embrace the present and, of course, the future.

Cathy and her team of experts are providing valuable information and resources that can help get you through. In fact, About has everything from chat rooms where you can swap ideas and information, to advice columns on dating, legal and financial issues and tips on how to deal with your kids in a divorce. They've got everything!

So check it out...but stay tuned to FirstWivesWorld.com because we're on the cusp of some exciting plans that will help you navigate divorce no matter what stage you're in--in fact, we're going to get you through each phase not only with useful resources and support from other women, but you'll be there with a smile on your face because we've got some fun, new shows that will entertain and tickle you as you discover that your best self lies ahead...

Yes, stay tuned. We can't wait...! And, check out Debbie's column here.

Used to be marriage started to get stale after seven years—you know, the proverbial "seven-year" itch. Now, apparently, we’re down to three years and some might argue, it’s really less than that when you factor in how sped up and disposable our culture has become. We actually throw people away. We throw relationships away.

Yes, marriage has become a highly fungible, disposable relationship. Okay, not to be all gloom and doom, but researchers now say that bloom is off the rose within just three years.

Researchers analyzed responses from two sets of married or cohabitating couples: One group was together for one to three years, the other for four to six years. Researchers found that for the most part, the couples involved for a shorter period of time were happier.

"The initial boost that marriage seems to provide fades over time,” said Professor Kelly Musick, a University of Southern California sociologist. And something we always sensed but couldn't confirm: “Some folks start getting less happy at the wedding reception," said Larry Bumpass, a professor at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, who co-wrote the study with Musick.

Research also showed that the median duration of first marriages that end in divorce remains a little more than seven years. That means those couples will likely spend more than half their married lives less happy than they were when they first walked down the aisle.

Musick noted that with nonmarital childbearing more common and women more economically independent, love and commitment for one another is what's keeping couples together and "that's fragile."

Terribly fragile, I might add. One most also have respect. A lot of respect for one's partner. Without it, you can forget about everything else.

A court case in India takes on one of the toughest marital issues of all—mothers-in-law.

The Delhi High Court recently ruled that if a woman leaves her husband’s home because she can’t get along with her mother-in-law, the action is the equivalent of desertion.

Say what?

Apparently, the court decided that in such situations, a husband can seek a divorce if his efforts to bring about a détente between his mother and wife fail.

The decision was sparked by a case involving a couple who had married in 1980 and soon after the birth of their son in 1981, the wife left home because she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law. Apparently in India, mothers-in-law commonly live with married couples.

Can you imagine? Are there any circumstances where living with your mother-in-law is good? Okay, maybe if she’s fun, helps take care of the kids and is genuinely a doll!

In the Indian case, the husband apparently tried to convince his wife to return, but she refused unless the mother-in-law went away. The man tried to obtain a divorce but his plea was rejected in 1996; the trial court held that he was guilty of deserting his wife.

The man moved his case to the high court and witnesses testified that the man had tried to reunite his family, but that his wife kept refusing to return unless the mother-in-law was sent away.

First of all, I can’t imagine a law siding with mothers-in-law. This case is a striking example of differences between Western and South Asian cultures. It’s stunning that the Indian court sees mothers-in-law as a fundamental part of the family and marriage. I wonder though, does the law apply in reverse to the woman’s mother, i.e., the husband’s mother-in-law?

Mmm.

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