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What can we learn from celebrity break-ups, billionaire settlements, straying husbands, downright daunting divorce laws, or scandalous politicians? PLENTY! Meet our contributing writers and professional advisors who are tickled pink to ponder all of the news, views, gossip and buzz that we love to hear!

JulieSavard's picture

Study: Men Hit Harder By Divorce

Posted by Julie Savard on Tue, 05/06/2008 - 9:09am

Men are hit harder by divorce. So says Statistics Canada after performing a 10-year study on the effects of divorce on both men and women.

It makes sense. Women tend to think long and hard over their decision to instigate a divorce. A psychologist once told me that women take up to seven years to decide on whether to divorce their husband or not — and that once the decision is made, there's usually no going back.

Most men seem surprised when they hear the announcement of the desire for divorce. "I never realized... I didn't think it was that bad... Divorce?" They're shocked. They haven't taken time to contemplate whether divorce is the answer.

The StatsCan study also mentions that men suffer from higher rates of depression — the rate for depression was six times higher that of women.

This too, is understandable. Women have greater support systems of friends and family. They have emotional backup to help them deal with the effects of a divorce.

Women also tend to become the main caregiver if children are involved. They have companionship, responsibilities to maintain and duties to uphold. The men? They're left with an empty home, a lack of people, and only their feelings to deal with.

It's a painful situation. Solitude, isolation, a lack of support...It sounds like a good recipe for depression to me.

However, StatsCan didn't offer much backup for the causes of the post-divorce depression rates in men. The governmental agency didn't correlate custodial losses or change in parental responsibilities as being the issue to blame.

Common sense, though? I think so. Divorce is difficult for anyone to face. The thinking patterns, life changes, and ways that men tend to cope with emotional situations offers plenty of reason for increased rates of depression.

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Julie Savard's picture

A Double-Whammy Divorce

Posted by Julie Savard on Thu, 04/03/2008 - 1:48pm

Alright. You think we have divorce problems in the U.S.? Try having to divorce two wives at once — literally.

The Economic Times recently reported the difficulties of a Malaysian businessman, Roslan Ngah. The poor guy had two wives (not one, but two) — and they'd become friends.

The two women also collectively decided that Ngah just wasn't cut out to be husband material. I guess that left him out in the cold, didn't it?

Even worse was that the media, advised of the impending Malaysia history-breaking event by Ngah himself, thought the man was pulling an April Fool's prank.

They didn't believe him.

It's tough not to feel for the guy. After all, both wives played schoolyard bully, ganging up on Ngah to inform him of their wishes for a double-shot divorce, and the media thinks he's a joker.

That has got to hurt the self-esteem.

Roslan Ngah presented his divorce via the short messaging system (or SMS for short). All it took was one word for each woman — talaq — and the deal was done. Ngah's new ex-wives showed nothing out of the ordinary, both women appearing calm and composed.

This was Ngah's third departure from trying for a happy marriage (or is that marriages?). He had a prior relationship with another woman, but the couple separated in 2004.

Ngah was asked if he'd remarry. "If my fate says so," Ngah replied, "I have no qualms." If divorce is that easy, then it's no wonder he's not worried. But Ngah had something more to add. "This time," he said, "I hope that my marriage will last forever."

With a three-time track record at failed relationships, it doesn't look likely.

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Julie Savard's picture

Teen's Divorce Web Site Educates Young and Old

Posted by Julie Savard on Thu, 03/13/2008 - 8:00am

I came across an article by Bill Sanders from Cox News Service today. Published at Newsobserver.com, Bill's article puts a face on divorce — a very young face.

Sanders wrote about Bill Sears, a 16-year-old so scarred by the experience his parents put him through that his life will never be the same.

At seven, Bill's parents split up and he become judge, jury, psychologist and counselor to two fully grown, supposedly mature adults. That's so wrong that I can't even begin to put my thoughts in words.

Bill put his experience to good use and opened billsarena.com, a website devoted to educating both parents and children on divorce. It's pretty obvious the adults in his life (and in the lives of many other kids) needed the advice and the help.

I say, "Good for Bill for taking a hugely negative experience and turning it into a positive, helpful resource."

I also think, "Shame on Bill's parents for exploiting him so badly that they traumatized him so deeply."

I'm separated — twice. My first child distrusts men, doesn't have any interest in boys (and she's a thriving, beautiful teen) and doesn't want me to have relationships with anyone. We dealt with our separation poorly, and she suffered.

My second daughter is happy and well adjusted. She has no fears, thinks that most people live in separate houses and knows that family is who you love, not who you live with. We handled our separation all the right ways with her.

So if you're planning a separation or a divorce, maybe you should stop and think twice before you act, especially if you have kids. Deal with the situation properly and as painlessly as possible — not for you, but for your children.

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