I grew up with the threat of divorce, and I’m still not sure which is worse: growing up with the threat or actually being in a divorced family.

When I was about 11, my mother had had the last straw. Crying on the phone in her bedroom (for privacy, even though everyone could hear her) she told my grandmother her news. She was getting a divorce.

Perhaps to my mother’s surprise and SHOCK, my grandmother confronted her after a long pause with, “Oh, no. You’re not coming to live here with two children and no way to support yourself.”

Ultimately, to my grandmother’s credit and to my mothers’, this “rejection” created an unanticipated opportunity.

I have no idea what, if any, support she had at the time, especially since this was before the Internet or FWW, but she made some big decisions and formed a plan: she’d return to college, finish her degree, find a teaching job, divorce my dad, and then support us.

I was horrified. I though at 35, my Mother was certainly too old to return to college! These days, most colleges have programs for people to resume their studies, like Columbia University’s School of General Studies, www.gs.columbia.edu for one example. But back then there wasn’t much out there.

With her study muscles a bit atrophied, school was very challenging for my mother at first. But after time she successfully graduated and went on to easily find a teaching job.

The Punch line:
During and after these years and this process, my mother became so involved with her own life that she no longer felt a need to get divorced.

And while still not entirely happy (with him or with herself), her newfound independence, self-respect, feelings of self-worth, and love for her work, all allowed her to turn down the volume of her rage.

So, when is the right time to leave a marriage? It's really an individual choice. But sometimes, in the words of Borat, “Divorce? NOT!”

Thinking of all of you,
Judith

We all have both traditional and seasonal opportunities for new beginnings. For example, September for many of us means new pens, pencils, and notebooks to prepare for school. We buy them for our kids, or split the list with our former husbands, or with the father of our children and manage to sneak in a few treats for ourselves. We save the notebooks like fine china and wait till the right time. We now have drawers full of fresh, empty notebooks, waiting... but for what? a special occasion? the perfect project? for Godot?

While January’s New Years offers new beginnings, it seems that resolutions are more wishes than goals. As a result, we fail easily and feel defeated.

For example:
• “I won’t call or email my former husband again.”
• “I’ll join a gym. “
• “That’s it! I’ve had it! I’m getting organized”.

Daylight Savings Time, earlier than ever this year, presents another chance for new beginnings.

Whether or not weather complies, let’s picture ourselves in the glowing late afternoon sunlight, windows open, soft breezes, September’s pen and notebook at the ready. We’ve made, poured, and carried our favorite tea in a fine china cup (which we never seem to use that often because it’s too fragile, it’s not a special occasion, or we ourselves don’t ever seem to be special enough). We plant ourselves in our sun-kissed spot with the intention, (thank you, Wayne Dyer, www.waynedyer.com, among others) of sipping rather than gulping, savoring both the tea and the moment.

The change into Daylight Savings Time offers an opportunity for new beginnings. Can we allow ourselves to set aside a few moments for ourselves? Can we “be here now”? What would it take for us to give ourselves new beginnings? Moments of renewal? Is it even possible? What will it take for us to believe that we are worth it?

We can all learn from what you think. Please let me know….