When you’ve been divorced or are at its precipice, considering a new relationship is often a challenge, unless of course there’s one in the background. It can seem like too much work: “How can I go through this again?", "How can I ever trust anyone again?”, “What’s the point anyway?” or life seems to have become a “Mission Impossible.” (BOMP BOMP bom bom.BOMP BOMP bom bom ... )

Some women after divorce hurl themselves into new relationships, rebounding or experimenting. Some women wait, but others actively search. Some find all the excitement of love with a new man, (or sometimes a woman), and sometimes even without looking the perfect partner appears. (;-)

My new relationship began because FWW appeared. I wasn’t looking. And now I’m excited about you, blog readers. My heartbeats are noticeably present and pounding. My cheeks have higher color. I feel a briskness (no, not a brisket!) in my high heeled or cowboy booted walk, even when I’m not stalking a Starbucks for something besides the coffee ...

It’s you I want to get to know, want to reach, want to learn from. And, as with any relationship, I hope you feel the same way. ("lubDUB. lubDUB.)

I’m here in cyberspace to find you, hear you, and “get” you. What is it that you want? What are you looking for? How determined are you? How much of your good energy are you using? How can I help?

Let me know.
Remember, “This Blog’s For You.”
Judith

Management guru, Tom Peters (www.TomPeters.com) happens to be my sister’s current virtual mentor. Below is a paragraph that became her mantra:

“I’m older than most of you, and I sometimes worry about what my tombstone will read. But I recently figured it out. I do not want it to go like this: “Thomas Peters, He Would Have Done Great Things, But His Boss Wouldn’t Let Him.”

I've been thinking a lot about women and the way in which we take (or don’t take) initiative. How do we choose to spend our time and energy? Return to school? Change careers? Travel? End a marriage? Find someone else to love? Teach a child to read? Kayak on the Hudson? Go to a gym?

Too often too many of us automatically (like a knee-jerk reaction) let loose with our “buts” without thinking — not our butts, nor our buns, but rather this kind of but:
“I’d like to my invite some friends for dinner, but…”
“I’d like to paint my apartment, but ….”
“I’d like to go to that book signing….”

You get the idea.

With our “buts”, we squash our own original and adventurous spirit. Why? Don’t ask. Who cares? Let’s just consider reducing our buts and think about opening ourselves to being more of ourselves.

Read these sentences aloud and really listen as you read: “I could’ve done some really cool stuff, but my (choose one or more--boss, mother, husband, children’s father, children) wouldn’t let me,” and I could’ve done some really cool stuff, but I wouldn’t let myself.”

How do you feel hearing those sentences?

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to change it up a "but" (or "bit") by asking yourself: “What really cool stuff could I do today?”

Then consider doing it — (We’ll revisit this in future blogs, I’m certain.)

I’d love to hear your thoughts, but…. ;- )
(seriously, I really would love to read your thoughts)

I’ve worked with many women, (and men), at various stages of their lives. The women had two things in common: Being a woman, of course, and having an ability to create connection.

Research by insightful writer and linguist (no, not what you’re thinking) Deborah Tannen, professor at Georgetown University, (http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/) found that women talk with one another to create rapport, (sounds like “The Colbert Report”).

Even though women quickly identify differences by age and race, they connect by identifying common ground, or by finding similarities. (Think of Ellen as she hosted the Academy Awards, searching for common ground with Gwynneth Paltrow:
“You have a daughter named Apple, I eat apples.”)

Recently I participated in a women’s workshop through WomenVision, http://www.womanvis.com, where I knew one of the women only slightly. I had no rational clue to help me find a way to build bridges with the 30- something women-strangers. During the workshop, one activity was to write quietly about “passion”. Slowly, I realized, without proof or examples, that in my childhood home, passion signified danger or lack of safety.

Tears unexpectedly dripped down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop myself from silently weeping. Finally, with the occasional sniff, I knew I needed tissues. As I looked up to search for tissues, I saw my reflection in another woman sitting across from me. She looked up at that same moment, also with silent tears, sniffles, on a tissue search.

After we “got” our mirror images, neither of us could contain belly laughs of recognition. Where we’d had no previous connection, that one shared wordless moment of tears, tissues, and loving laughter forged a bond.