I grew up with the threat of divorce, and I’m still not sure which is worse: growing up with the threat or actually being in a divorced family.

When I was about 11, my mother had had the last straw. Crying on the phone in her bedroom (for privacy, even though everyone could hear her) she told my grandmother her news. She was getting a divorce.

Perhaps to my mother’s surprise and SHOCK, my grandmother confronted her after a long pause with, “Oh, no. You’re not coming to live here with two children and no way to support yourself.”

Ultimately, to my grandmother’s credit and to my mothers’, this “rejection” created an unanticipated opportunity.

I have no idea what, if any, support she had at the time, especially since this was before the Internet or FWW, but she made some big decisions and formed a plan: she’d return to college, finish her degree, find a teaching job, divorce my dad, and then support us.

I was horrified. I though at 35, my Mother was certainly too old to return to college! These days, most colleges have programs for people to resume their studies, like Columbia University’s School of General Studies, www.gs.columbia.edu for one example. But back then there wasn’t much out there.

With her study muscles a bit atrophied, school was very challenging for my mother at first. But after time she successfully graduated and went on to easily find a teaching job.

The Punch line:
During and after these years and this process, my mother became so involved with her own life that she no longer felt a need to get divorced.

And while still not entirely happy (with him or with herself), her newfound independence, self-respect, feelings of self-worth, and love for her work, all allowed her to turn down the volume of her rage.

So, when is the right time to leave a marriage? It's really an individual choice. But sometimes, in the words of Borat, “Divorce? NOT!”

Thinking of all of you,
Judith

Everyone wants a little dish…. (no, not the kind from your bridal registry….) I mean behind the scenes, as in “back story.”

You’ve got to know – and I’m here to tell you-- the FWW team is a WOW group of peeps. Each one has vision, energy, enthusiasm, concern, caring and excitement. They’ve prepared and launched this site intended to reach women with various needs related to divorce.

For technogeeks or stat-peeps, in the four weeks since launching, readers are studding the US map, (no, not that kind….) and have already expanded internationally.

The best part? Whatever they do, whatever actions they take, plans they initiate, research they request, they have YOU in mind. In other words, they care are about YOU! Who?
Readers who’ve found FWW.
Readers yet to find FWW.
Women with divorce in mind, memory, imagination, and fact.
Men similarly interested.

The FWW team has limitless positive energy for meeting the needs of women who’ve been touched, flattened, or propelled by divorce. Readers will benefit from your experience, insight, specific suggestions, and success. Already, you’re not alone. I’m learning as well. For example, when I first considered writing a blog about divorce, I fell back on stereotypes--- loss, anger, and helplessness.

Divorce. In the game of Charades, (pulling on the earlobe), “sounds like” force, coarse, abortion, hoard, torture, mortgage. Yes, “divorce” fits with words that sound curt, blurting from the front of the mouth, generating images of hard-edged feelings, impact, and unforeseen fallout.

As I continued ruminating, I flashed on softer sounding words and phrases related to divorce, with open sounds, such as sing, dance, kiss, stroll, smile, celebrate, play, laugh.