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Be Careful When Taking Friendly Advice

Posted by Jennifer Bailey on Thu, 01/03/2008 - 5:00pm

So here we are, another Christmas season successfully behind us, and reading another article outlining the effects the holidays have on divorce. I think by now it's a widely accepted fact that while Christmas and other holidays do not cause people to get divorced, the forced proximity of the season does expose the cracks in relationships that may have previously been invisible.

So why another article about the raise in divorce rates over the holidays? Because this one actually made a good point that I haven't seen discussed before. It was mentioned almost as an afterthought, but the article quoted Yvonne Green, head of the family law division for a British group of solicitors as saying "Amateur advice is usually well meant, but can be dangerously misleading." How true this is.

When it comes to considering divorce, many people feel scared and confused, and turn to their friends for help and advice — especially if these friends have been through the process themselves. However, it can be extremely unwise to listen to the advice of friends when discussing your own relationship. Let's face it, no matter how open you are with your friends, they will never fully understand all the nuances that make up a marriage. Recently we ran an article about a woman who decided to divorce her husband because he did not get her what she wanted for Christmas, and amazingly her friends all seemed to support her decision. I rest my case.

We would never trust our cars, homes, or children to people who do not have the qualifications to work with cars, homes, or children. While I don't see a problem asking a divorced friend to tell you about their experiences navigating the divorce process, they are not experts. Their marriage is not your marriage, and their divorce is not your divorce. And for those of you who are the friends in question, please keep your advice to yourself. Be supportive, but don't lead your friend into a decision they may come to regret. A lot can be lost in the divorce process, and you don't want that on your head.

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