So, what are some of the factors contributing to the increase in divorce among American Muslims? Drs. Mohamed Rida and Ekram Beshir are the co-authors of Blissful Marriage and Meeting the Challenge of Parenting in the West. They cite differences in background as one problem that leads to incompatibility. For example, the bride is a Muslima whose family emigrated from Afghanistan and the groom’s family is, several generations back, from Tunisia. They may also come from different rungs on the social ladder.

Yet, they now live in America and are both Muslim. Because of the culture of “boyfriends and girlfriends” in the West, Muslim youth want that kind of relationship. But dating is not acceptable in Islam. Instead, two young people who may be totally incompatible marry because that is the only option available to them.

Many marriages in Muslim America fail early — in the first few years of the relationship. Shaikh Yassir Fazaga is a certified counselor with a master’s in psychotherapy and marital and family relations. He is also the religious director of the Orange County Islamic Foundation in Mission Viejo, Calif. He has counseled many couples and mentions three recurring reasons for divorce: Couples who are right for each other, but love and treat each the wrong way; couples who are not right for each other, which could have been prevented if they had asked enough questions prior to the marriage; and, finally, people who are too impatient to work on the problems.

Fazaga hopes to see more imams get formal training in marriage counseling and also hopes Muslim community leaders will see the desirability and need for social services to deal with divorce.

Despite the cultural divide — for I am not Muslim — I see a universality to Fazaga’s outlook on divorce. What do you think?

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