Don't Turn Your First Post Divorce Date Into A Bitch Session About Your Ex Husband

Don't Turn Your First Post Divorce Date Into A Bitch Session About Your Ex Husband

6 tips to for the first time you jump back into the dating game

Posted to Relevant News by Amanda Lockhart on Fri, 12/17/2010 - 9:04am

Jumping into the dating pool post-divorce can always cause a little anxiety, especially when it's been years since the last time you thought twice about things like dressing to show off curves (or hide them), kissing or contraception!

And if you have children, bringing a new beau around can make things even more anxious for you.

If you've been out of the game for a while, it's smart to be a little cautious and ease yourself back into it. Trust me, I know first hand.

So, here are some simple common-sense ideas that struck me as I ventured out there in the dating pool for the first time since my divorce — keep these tips in mind before you first dip your toe:

1. Rediscover yourself: You have to get back in touch with who you are and what makes you tick. What are you interested in now? May not be the same things as when you were married or before.
2. It's OK to date Mr. Right Now: I'm not sure I totally agree with this one, but I see what she's getting at. The idea is that even if a guy doesn't give you butterflies — even if you just enjoy his company and nothing else — go ahead and spend some time with him. Get out of the house and get some dating practice.
3. Don't turn a date into a bitch session: Complaining about your ex is bad form. If you start spending real quality time with someone, you'll know when the time is right to go into depth about your past.
4. Introducing your kids: There's no hard and fast rule here. You don't want to do it too soon. You don't want your kids to get attached to someone who won't be in your life long-term. You don't want your kids to get angry or hurt. It's a minefield. Easy does it and a little at a time seem to be the best rules of thumb.
5. Taking it to the next level: When do you sleep with someone? She gave a good piece of advice here: Only have sex that is emotionally healthy. And it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) she means emotionally healthy in the broader sense. It's always emotionally healthy in the moment.
6. Never settle: Now, on the surface, this seems to contradict the idea that it's OK to date Mr. Right Now. But again, she means in the broader sense. Having been through a divorce, you're probably in better touch with what you want than you were before. Once that comes into focus for you, you owe it to yourself not to settle for less.

Click the following for an entire directory of articles and resource videos on sex and dating post-divorce.