With Valentine's Day coming up, every form of media is full of images of people getting engaged or married and the jewelry stores are obviously doing big business. But for the large segment of the population that is divorced, it's an entirely different thought process when it comes to wedding and engagement rings. The San Francisco Chronicle ran an interesting story on Friday about the question of what should happen to your rings once your marriage is over.

The accepted protocol on engagement rings seems to be that you get to keep it. Legally, it's not considered part of the marital assets because it was a gift given to you before you were married. And aside from that, a guy would have to really be a greedy bastard to ask to have it back. I can see a guy doing that, though, if the ring was a family heirloom. I think I'd have a hard time holding on to the engagement ring if it had belonged to my ex's grandmother, or something like that.

The wedding rings are a whole different story. Some people attach a lot of emotional meaning to them and choose not to part with them. Some people have them melted down and made into other pieces of jewelry. Some women sell both the wedding and engagement rings to pay for lawyers. One man quoted in the story said his wife sold her rings so she could get a boob job.

I think it's all a matter of personal preference. And it's probably a function of how amicable the breakup is, too. If it was angry and bitter, you might be more inclined to get rid of the rings, along with everything else in your house that had anything to do with the guy. One woman said she wanted both of the wedding rings to be kept together after her divorce, just because it seemed to her like the right thing to do. Her ex didn't see it that way, so it didn't happen.

So let's hear from all of you. What happened to your rings?

The public turnaround of Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, is an inspiration to divorced women everywhere. Where our own marriage and personal failings and mistakes are embarrassing in front of our families, friends, and maybe the readers of our blogs, Fergie's have been published everywhere. Yes, splitting up with my husband was difficult, but not as difficult as waking up to find you've been renamed The Duchess of Pork by the entire British press.

No wonder she gained so much weight.

Fergie gave a talk in California on Monday night as part of their Distinguished Speakers program and talked about her divorce, her kids, her weight issues — the whole gamut. "My only friend was food," she said. "My pet ponies and food got me through."

She went on to explain that she and Prince Andrew still share a home together, where they raise their daughters, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, although they have no plans to reconcile. It's simply a convenient and secure environment in which to raise their daughters. "I still do love my handsome prince, but it just works better for us this way to keep things the way they are."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all that well adjusted?

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So here's a question for those of you who've been through a divorce: How did things go the first time you got intimate with some else?

I'm sure we can all have a long conversation about that topic. I saw a letter to a sex columnist that raised this issue, and it was interesting to me because it came from the male perspective. The writer was a 35-year-old divorced "bloke" (it was in a British publication) who said his girlfriend left him because he couldn't keep an erection. For the moment, we'll look past the fact that this must not have been much of a relationship if that was really the reason she left him. The guy is wondering if the remaining emotional weight of his divorce is somehow making it tough on him in bed.

And that's something a lot of divorced people probably face. It's not uncommon at all. A lot of sexual dysfunctions, especially in younger people like this guy, have more to do with the mind than they do with the body. If something like this happens and it's a consistent problem, it's probably worth taking to a therapist who specializes in sexual matters. It goes without saying that making such an appointment for yourself is a daunting step, especially if you're doing it alone. But a divorce can impact your mind in so many ways that you're not consciously aware of. A little help with a problem like this isn't too much for anyone to ask.

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Imagine Macy's doing a fall ad campaign based on broken marriages. Never, you say?

Well, that's exactly what Debenhams, the British department store chain, is doing with the "Separated and Successful" Club — a 21st Century First Wives Club of well-known women, carrying the message that any hardship can be overcome with confidence, a steadfast support system, and a spankin' new wardrobe.

The SAS Club is made up of some famous British ladies who've
conquered divorce — and looked fabulous doing it — like TV personalities Coleen Nolan and Trisha Goddard, along with author and journalist Bel Mooney, and divorce coach Kirsten Gronning.

It wasn't until her break from actor Shane Ritchie — and an endorsement deal with Debenhams — that Nolan truly discovered the rejuvenating power of shopping.

"It's really hard getting over divorce, especially when a partner has been unfaithful, as this can really knock your confidence — you think that other men won't fancy you," she says. "A new hair cut and a couple of glam outfits is a real confidence booster that will set you on the right
track."

So, on one hand you have a retailer trying to sell some "glam outfits." But, on the other you have a big name brand — in the U.K., at least — using the issue of divorce to convey a message of strength and the potential for positive change. Pretty impressive.

Maybe not as impressive as the Dove brand spending tens of millions of dollars stateside to promote a broader definition of beauty for women of all shapes, sizes, and generations. But, we'd say it's just as groundbreaking and just as ballsy.

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Here's the gist of it: Augusta Roman tried for several years to have a child before resorting to fertility treatments. The day before the embryos were to be implanted, her husband, Randy, told her he wanted to wait until they had resolved their problems. After six months of counseling, they divorced.

The dispute escalated as the fertility lab consent form clearly stated that in the event of divorce, the embryos would not be implanted and would be discarded. Augusta sued and was granted control of the embryos in the Trial Court but her husband appealed the case; the Appeals Court unanimously reversed the lower court. Augusta then appealed to the Texas Supreme Court which recently refused to hear the appeal, thus upholding the Appellate Court's decision.

The case raises a moral and legal dilemma for August, 45, who regards the embryos as her unborn children. She said she would sign away any support responsibility for the divorced husband. Her attorney attempted to distinguish this consent form from an enforceable contract.

While I commiserate with Augusta's sincere desire to become a mother, it would be bad public policy to ignore the clear meaning of the consent form. In fact, the form had an option, if chosen by both parties, for releasing the embryos to either spouse. But neither made that choice and instead, checked the option to discard the embryos.

Andy didn't want a child after the divorce and even though Texas law protects anonymous sperm donors from child support, this is a different case. There is legal precedent for sperm donors to be liable for support. Family courts could award financial support despite the waiver by the wife.

The findings of a new 10-year study reveal that women who force themselves to remain calm during fights with their spouses are at a higher risk of death and have a higher incidence of stress-related diseases like depression and irritable bowel syndrome.

In fact, women who "self-silence" were four times more likely to die than women who let it all out during arguments, according to the research conducted by Dr. Elaine D. Eaker of Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Md.

In my opinion, this research seems to prove what many women already know: You just gotta let it out! Why keep it all in? Express yourself to your spouse, partner, ex, kids, etc.

Eaker study examined behavior, incidence of heart disease and mortality within marriage. She wanted to understand the dynamics of what really goes on in a marriage during arguments. Her research also confirmed that marriage is good for men's health and that married men enjoy better health compared to unmarried men. We wonder if that's the case even when the men are terribly unhappy and stressed in their relationships.

Eaker's research, published in the July/August issue of Psychosomatic Medicine, suggests that men and women need to take a closer look at the changing roles and expectations for husbands and wives and in general, men and women in society. Too, she notes that marriage partners need to offer one another a safe place to express feelings of conflict before it's too late and the marriage ends in divorce.

When an individual is experiencing divorce this can be a very sad and lonely time and some people have trouble recovering.



Yet after a divorce, an individual is given a new chapter in their life to write in any way, shape or form. This is a chance for a person to do things they have only dreamed about.

If you are having trouble recovering from divorce and want to regain control of your life, you may want to consider hypnosis. 

Hypnosis is a form of therapy that works on an unconscious or a subconscious level. An individual who undergoes hypnosis will be placed into a deep state of relaxation.

It is during this deep state of relaxation that our subconscious mind is the most receptive to new ideas and perspectives. In the process of hypnosis, a person can learn how to visualize themselves recovered from their divorce, leading a happy and healthy life. Hypnosis allows a person to “see” themselves recovered and to “feel” how great life is after divorce.

Divorce does not have to remain a roadblock that is stopping you from living life.

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First Wives World readers have come to know that our Debbie Nigro is a multi-talented and versatile woman who loves to shake things up--on her show, on the blog, in her life...Now, she's shakin' things up in your underwear drawer!

Yes, that's right...Debbie's latest guest column on About.com's Divorce Support channel is about changin' it up and changing out your undies. Going through a divorce? Go through your underwear collection while you're at it and revitalize your stock of bras, panties, body slimmers and heck, don't forget the stockings and garters...!

One of the best ways to move on after a divorce or when you're in the thick of a split, is to scout out new undergarments for every occasion and every mood. You'll feel better, sexier and like a new person. Take it from Debbie! Check out her column, the first in a regular series on About.com...

Judges are obligated to notify parties of the termination of coverage when they issue a divorce settlement. They're authorized to grant a 30-day continuance in the divorce proceedings, so parties have an opportunity to obtain their own health policy.

But we shouldn't jump for joy at this development because it's civil and decent to notify your former spouse that he/she will no longer be insured. New York hasn't gone half as far as the New Hampshire requirement that employers must continue the coverage of the divorced spouse for up to three years unless they remarry.

New York is only preventing exes from being blindsided. My question is this: Is 30 days sufficient to shop around the maze of complicated health plans? Probably not. With 46 million Americans uninsured, we certainly don't want to add to that number. It may be difficult for divorced women to secure individual health insurance plans if they have pre-existing health conditions.

In New York, a spouse is eligible for COBRA if they become divorced but they will have to pick up the actual costs, plus a small additional percentage to obtain up to 36-months of coverage.

One day society will recognize that health care is a universal need and right. While the notice of loss of insurance is a benevolent idea, New York should go further and join New Hamphire in providing extended group insurance coverage under the employer's plan following a divorce.

More Lohan family news today: Actress Lindsay Lohan's father withdrew a request to have his estranged wife tested for drugs. Michael and Dina Lohan appeared in court yesterday to discuss custody and child support arrangements for their two minor kids Ali and Dakota. Michael has admitted to alcohol abuse; he alleges that Dina takes pills. Lindsay was arrested more than a week ago for cocaine possession and driving while under the influence--she was sprung from rehab three weeks ago.

Michael said that withdrawing the request might improve his chances of being granted visitation rights with his children. He was released from prison in March and currently only has telephone calls with his daughter Ali,13, and her brother, Dakota, 10. Lindsay, 21, and her brother Michael Lohan Jr., 19, aren't involved in the custody and visitation deal since they are no longer minors.

Family Court Judge Stacy D. Bennett is now waiting for the results of a review by a family therapist, which is due Sept. 6. The Lohans are due back in divorce court Aug. 10.

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