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What can we learn from celebrity break-ups, billionaire settlements, straying husbands, downright daunting divorce laws, or scandalous politicians? PLENTY! Meet our contributing writers and professional advisors who are tickled pink to ponder all of the news, views, gossip and buzz that we love to hear!

Maureen Dempsey's picture

"House Husbands" Looking for Their Share

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Wed, 05/14/2008 - 11:12am

We reported a while back that more U.S. men are seeking alimony these days, and in a recent Telegraph article, it appears that British husbands are seeking financial support, as well.

One U.K. law firms states the number of men attempting to claim a piece of their wealthy wives' assets has increases threefold in the past year.

The number of "house husbands" has doubled over the past 20 years, as more women become the breadwinner. When it comes time for a divorce, SAHDs are looking to be compensated for their efforts.

I don't know about you, but it's not really a gender issue for me. If you've dutifully served as the homemaker and helped your spouse build a successful career, aren't you entitled to some sort of support?

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JulieSavard's picture

Study: Men Hit Harder By Divorce

Posted by Julie Savard on Tue, 05/06/2008 - 9:09am

Men are hit harder by divorce. So says Statistics Canada after performing a 10-year study on the effects of divorce on both men and women.

It makes sense. Women tend to think long and hard over their decision to instigate a divorce. A psychologist once told me that women take up to seven years to decide on whether to divorce their husband or not — and that once the decision is made, there's usually no going back.

Most men seem surprised when they hear the announcement of the desire for divorce. "I never realized... I didn't think it was that bad... Divorce?" They're shocked. They haven't taken time to contemplate whether divorce is the answer.

The StatsCan study also mentions that men suffer from higher rates of depression — the rate for depression was six times higher that of women.

This too, is understandable. Women have greater support systems of friends and family. They have emotional backup to help them deal with the effects of a divorce.

Women also tend to become the main caregiver if children are involved. They have companionship, responsibilities to maintain and duties to uphold. The men? They're left with an empty home, a lack of people, and only their feelings to deal with.

It's a painful situation. Solitude, isolation, a lack of support...It sounds like a good recipe for depression to me.

However, StatsCan didn't offer much backup for the causes of the post-divorce depression rates in men. The governmental agency didn't correlate custodial losses or change in parental responsibilities as being the issue to blame.

Common sense, though? I think so. Divorce is difficult for anyone to face. The thinking patterns, life changes, and ways that men tend to cope with emotional situations offers plenty of reason for increased rates of depression.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

Divorce Does Not Cause Bad Behavior

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Mon, 04/28/2008 - 11:17am

Divorce. It comes with some hefty baggage. And probably the heaviest cross to bear is the guilt of potentially damaging your children by splitting the family. But new research suggests that divorce doesn't appear to be the reason for some behavior problems, according to USA TODAY.

The recent article quotes Allen Li, associate director of the Population Research Center at the RAND Corporation in Santa Monica, as saying, "It really depends on the individual marriages and the family. My conclusion is that divorce is neither bad nor good."

Okay, we can work with that.

The study measured behavior problems, such as crying, cheating, or arguing frequently, in children ages 4 to 15. He found such a slight post-divorce increase in bad behavior that he deemed it statistically significant.

Li explained that bad behavior patterns such as these would have most likely been present in any home situation and was not a result of divorce or family turmoil.

Maybe that baggage just got a little lighter?

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Naomi Dunne's picture

Homemaker Loses Out in Settlement

Posted by Naomi Dunne on Thu, 04/17/2008 - 2:00pm

Women's rights activists are up in arms about a contentious divorce case in Tennessee that may result in the local marital property laws to be changed. According to an article in Tennessean.com, "a wage-earning husband gets to keep $1.7 million in stock. His homemaker wife gets nothing."

Okay, I admit, when we're talking about the rights of the stay-at-home spouse — and let's face it, while many husbands including my own are starting to stay home, it's generally the wife — and there are a few million dollars in play, I can see why people are getting concerned. Some are suggesting that if this settlement goes through as is, it could be precedent setting and go against state laws.

But, and there's a really big but, I don't think that this case has anything to do with the wife being a homemaker. The court says that the husband is being allowed to keep the stock and not share it because all he did was hold it after receiving it as a gift from his father. Her employment status is irrelevant.

In my opinion — and I know this is going to make me the bad guy — when you decide not to work, you take a risk. A gift given to one individual is just that — a gift with only one intended recipient. If Daddy had given him a cheese knife, is she entitled to half of that, too?

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Naomi Dunne's picture

Eight-Year-Old Seeks Divorce

Posted by Naomi Dunne on Tue, 04/15/2008 - 11:14am

I have never been so angry in my life. Coming from a woman who separated from her husband after four months of marriage, that's saying something.

A girl in Yemen went to court last week to prosecute her father for making her marry a man 22 years her senior. She went to the court by herself looking for a judge to try her case. Her name is Nojoud Muhammed Nasser, and she is eight.

My son is eight. He does not yet have the hand-eye coordination to play his brand new PlayStation. He still needs me to cut his meat for him when it's too tough. On rough days, he still sleeps with his blankie.

"Whenever I wanted to play in the yard he beat me and asked me to go to the bedroom with him."

She wanted to play in the yard. The girl is trying to sit outside and build goddamn sand castles and her "husband" drags her upstairs and rapes her.

Up until 10 years ago, Yemeni law said that children could not marry until 15. In 1998 that law changed, allowing parents to contract their children out into marriage, although their spouse is not allowed to engage them in sexual activity until maturity. For the record, that 10-year-old law was enacted two years before little Nojoud's birth.

The husband is in jail. "Yes I was intimate with her, but I have done nothing wrong, as she is my wife and I have the right and no one can stop me. But if the judge or other people insist that I divorce her, I will do it. It's ok."

Well, thank you, Faez. That's very big of you.

The father, who beat her when she objected to the marriage, was also jailed but released when he suffered health problems. The court does not plan to return her to her family, as there would be nothing to stop them from forcing her to marry again. She will instead be placed in the care of a non-governmental children's organization.

There but for the grace of God go we.

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Julie Savard's picture

A Double-Whammy Divorce

Posted by Julie Savard on Thu, 04/03/2008 - 1:48pm

Alright. You think we have divorce problems in the U.S.? Try having to divorce two wives at once — literally.

The Economic Times recently reported the difficulties of a Malaysian businessman, Roslan Ngah. The poor guy had two wives (not one, but two) — and they'd become friends.

The two women also collectively decided that Ngah just wasn't cut out to be husband material. I guess that left him out in the cold, didn't it?

Even worse was that the media, advised of the impending Malaysia history-breaking event by Ngah himself, thought the man was pulling an April Fool's prank.

They didn't believe him.

It's tough not to feel for the guy. After all, both wives played schoolyard bully, ganging up on Ngah to inform him of their wishes for a double-shot divorce, and the media thinks he's a joker.

That has got to hurt the self-esteem.

Roslan Ngah presented his divorce via the short messaging system (or SMS for short). All it took was one word for each woman — talaq — and the deal was done. Ngah's new ex-wives showed nothing out of the ordinary, both women appearing calm and composed.

This was Ngah's third departure from trying for a happy marriage (or is that marriages?). He had a prior relationship with another woman, but the couple separated in 2004.

Ngah was asked if he'd remarry. "If my fate says so," Ngah replied, "I have no qualms." If divorce is that easy, then it's no wonder he's not worried. But Ngah had something more to add. "This time," he said, "I hope that my marriage will last forever."

With a three-time track record at failed relationships, it doesn't look likely.

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Maureen Dempsey's picture

The Things We Do for Love

Posted by Maureen Dempsey on Wed, 03/19/2008 - 11:16am

We all know divorce has the potential to hurt a child — but help? According to The Guardian, well-meaning couples in Spain are divorcing in order to assist their children gain admission to top schools.

Acceptance into secondary schools is based on a points system; students of divorced families receive an additional two points.

Divorce happens, though, right? Well, the timing of the hundreds of divorces is suspect. The court system saw an increase from January to March, and school applications are due, oh, March 31st.

Last year alone, 26 couples claimed to be divorced or separated but were actually living together — in order to gain points — and has lead other parents to hire private investigators to tail rival couples.

These better be damn fine institutions of higher learning...

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Faith Eggers's picture

Bad Advice For Silda

Posted by Faith Eggers on Sat, 03/15/2008 - 3:00pm

It seems like everybody has got a piece of advice for Silda Spitzer, but I found the advice given by New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams to be shocking.

In an article titled "Stay With Shpritzer, Smart Lady," Cindy Adams said (among other things):

"I want to tell her — so what. She may not longer be New York's first lady, but a husband hooking up with a hooker is not reason enough to no longer be a married lady."

and

"Sex, a primal need, outpoints fear, hunger and love as mankind's No. 1 driving force. Unless you're a pig or a monk, many an able-bodied — and I use that term deliberately — 48-year-old husband of 21 years has grazed. I'm not advocating it. I'm merely saying, so what? It's like takeout food. Less work for mother."

and then added

"Paying a pro isn't disrespect to his wife."

Whoa. I completely disagree. I think that "a husband hooking up with a hooker" is not only enough of a reason, but a fabulous reason to no longer be a married lady. In my book, and I think that a lot of women will agree with me here, it's grounds for instant divorce, no discussions.

And what's with the "so what" attitude? This is a big deal. Infidelity is heartbreaking. I can't believe she is making it seem so trivial. Then comparing hiring a hooker to takeout food?! You know, a lot of married women enjoy having sex. I did. In fact, I don't think I know any who don't. Besides, has anyone here ever spent $80,000 on takeout food?

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Katherine McKee's picture

How Do Women Survive Infidelity?

Posted by Katherine McKee on Fri, 03/14/2008 - 2:35pm

Just how do women get through infidelity in marriage? Does infidelity always lead to divorce?

These are questions the media and armchair pundits are pondering in the aftermath of the Spitzer sex scandal. Psychologists and academics say the obligation to remain sexually faithful to one's spouse continues to carry a lot of weight, at least in the U.S. In France and Italy, it's something else altogether. But in the U.S., among all the marital problems one can have, infidelity is the one most likely to lead to divorce.

Sociologists' research on infidelity shows that men are routinely motivated by sex, while women stray outside the bounds of marriage in search of emotional intimacy, the kind they're not receiving from their spouse. Yes, more men than women cheat, but the numbers are increasing for both genders.

In fact, a 1994 study by sociologist Edward Lauman found that 10 percent to 11 percent of spouses had cheated in the previous year; over a lifetime, the study revealed about 18 percent of women and 24 percent of men reported an extramarital affair. More recently, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that nearly 90 percent of participants said it's morally wrong for married individuals to have an affair, which may or may not involve sex. Nearly the same percentage said adultery is morally wrong.

Notably, experts say that wives are more likely to forgive a cheating spouse and remain in the marriage particularly if the infidelity was committed with a prostitute or a one-night stand, versus a mistress or someone with whom a longer-term emotional bond was formed. However men are much less forgiving of their cheating wives; most don't tolerate their wives' indiscretions and view infidelity as a statement about their manhood.

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Katherine McKee's picture

Whatcha Gonna Do Now, Silda?

Posted by Katherine McKee on Thu, 03/13/2008 - 8:47am

The hand-wringing over Silda Wall Spitzer's future with her now defamed husband, the governor of New York, has officially begun. Newspapers, talk radio, TV pundits, therapists and armchair shrinks — yeah, that's you and me and all of us — all chipping in with our two cents.

Silda, Silda, Silda... Whatever was she thinking standing by her cheatin' hubby, the gov of New York? Well, she and the gov are married for 20 years. They have three kids together. She shelved her prestigious and lucrative legal career to raise the kids and to be a dutiful political wife. She's also a passionate philanthropist and organizer, having founded a children's advocacy program (Children for Children), among other activities.

This is a dynamic woman. She is no fool. Will her children, three beautiful girls, ever be able to trust the men in their lives? What message does it send to them if she stays?

All bets are off on Silda's marriage. Yep. In what's likely to become the Super Bowl of divorces, I anticipate a separation and divorce proceedings to begin within six to eight months, or at least before the end of 2008.

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