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Two Homes For The Holidays

Posted by Amanda Lockhart on Sun, 11/11/2007 - 1:00pm

Most of the time when you think about the way a divorce impacts kids, you think about young children who aren't emotionally mature enough to deal with what's happening. Well, it's not just younger kids who have that problem. College students whose parents get divorced may be able to handle things on the surface. But it's a strain on their emotions nonetheless.

I read a piece in the student newspaper from California State University-Chico that really shed some light on the subject. And it's a poignant subject for this time of year as college students get ready to come home for the holidays. A lot of them have two homes to go to. Balancing time with both parents can be a struggle, particularly if the divorce happened while the student was away at school.

One student quoted in the piece talked about making a trip home while her father was moving out of the house because she wanted to see his bags packed so the divorce would become real to her. She didn't want to come home for the holidays and find her father completely gone from the house. It lessened the blow for her to see it while it was happening.

Of course, all of the same rules about parenting through a divorce still apply to college kids. You can't expect them to take sides. And I think you have to be realistic about how much time they have for you and your ex. Remember what it was like to be in college. You're starting out your life, making your own decisions, budgeting your own time. And with your family split up, it becomes a bigger challenge. It takes patience and understanding on all sides.

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