I’m sure I don’t have to tell anyone who’s been within a country mile of a divorce that the holiday season can be especially difficult. Regardless of where you are in your life, being at one gathering after another full of family and friends after your marriage has broken up is a strain on your emotions. It’s tough enough trying to navigate yourself through that minefield, but if you’ve got kids it’s an even greater challenge.

I saw a story the other day that dealt with this issue. It talked mostly about how to help your kids through the holidays if a close relative has passed away. But the basic idea is that when the family dynamic changes, whether it’s because of death or divorce, kids need to have new traditions to help them adapt. And they need to be involved in helping create those traditions. If you force changes on them, it’s not going to work. If you’re resentful of the new circumstances — which can easily happen if you have to split time with your ex during the holidays — your kids will have trouble taking to the new arrangements.

Like anything else involving your kids, you have to stay positive and give them a chance to express themselves. There may be old traditions you can hang on to or adapt in some way. But the bottom line is that you have to pay attention to your kids’ feelings, and you have to communicate.

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