The leader of an Ohio pro-marriage group is pushing the Catholic church to put the screws to Catholics who stray from their marriages.

She cites an example of a Virginia man who cheated on his wife and then left her and their seven children, moving in with "the other woman" who got pregnant with his child. Among the provisions of the couple's divorce, the mother is not to tell the children who is "to blame" for the divorce. Both parents are to jointly make decisions about the children's moral instruction. The parents have a joint custody arrangement, which this activist finds objectionable, because the father is now living with "the other woman."

There are a few other points she makes, generally saying that the provisions of the divorce agreement are contradictory with Canon Law. I think the point this activist is trying to make is that when people choose to live their lives as part of the church, they can't just adhere to the parts they find convenient. She's basically saying that since this guy called himself a Catholic and entered his marriage that way, he should be required to live up to everything involved in the faith.

The problem, of course, is that it's not very practical. To be sure, it absolutely sucks that this guy ran out on his family. If I were his ex-wife I'm not sure I'd ever want my children to see him again. But that's easier said than done, as we all know. It's an interesting religious and legal debate, but at the end of the day, there are real people — real children — involved here. Even if the mother violates all the provisions of their divorce — even if she tells the kids, "your dad is an asshole who ran off with a 21-year old and knocked her up" — it's still not going to keep those kids from wanting to be with their daddy.

Most of the time when you think about the way a divorce impacts kids, you think about young children who aren't emotionally mature enough to deal with what's happening. Well, it's not just younger kids who have that problem. College students whose parents get divorced may be able to handle things on the surface. But it's a strain on their emotions nonetheless.

I read a piece in the student newspaper from California State University-Chico that really shed some light on the subject. And it's a poignant subject for this time of year as college students get ready to come home for the holidays. A lot of them have two homes to go to. Balancing time with both parents can be a struggle, particularly if the divorce happened while the student was away at school.

One student quoted in the piece talked about making a trip home while her father was moving out of the house because she wanted to see his bags packed so the divorce would become real to her. She didn't want to come home for the holidays and find her father completely gone from the house. It lessened the blow for her to see it while it was happening.

Of course, all of the same rules about parenting through a divorce still apply to college kids. You can't expect them to take sides. And I think you have to be realistic about how much time they have for you and your ex. Remember what it was like to be in college. You're starting out your life, making your own decisions, budgeting your own time. And with your family split up, it becomes a bigger challenge. It takes patience and understanding on all sides.

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I saw an article on Forbes.com this week that was full of tips on how to keep your work life and home life separate and preserve your marriage if you and your spouse work together. Even though the writer's whole point is to give people things to think about that might help save their marriages, it occurred to me that the same advice might be useful in navigating a divorce.

A married couple that works together has to find a way to establish a work relationship that’s separate from their marriage. They can’t bring whatever BS is happening at the office home with them, because if they do, their marriage is doomed. In the same sense, a divorced couple also needs to establish a new kind of relationship that’s totally separate from the one they had when they were together.

One of the things that's easy to forget is that in many cases, even after divorce, you still end up having some sort of relationship with your ex. This is obviously true if you've got children. In fact, it's critically true in that case. You may feel lots of things after your marriage is over: relieved, angry, bitter, spiteful, lonely. But you still have to work with all those feelings and figure out how to work with the new circumstances of your life. And you have to figure out a way to handle those feelings and not let them interfere with the changing relationship between you and your ex.

You can’t expect your ex to continue dealing with your issues, and vice versa. You’re no longer entitled to lay your crap on each other. And the only thing that’s going to happen if you do is that you’ll find it harder and harder to deal with each other. If you’ve got kids, that’s not helping anybody. In fact, it’s probably harming your kids in ways that may not manifest themselves until years later.

To be sure, it’s not an easy equation to crack. It’s something that takes effort and patience.

So anytime I hear about religious leaders trying to take moral high ground on issues like marriage and divorce, I take it with a grain of salt, to say the least. And that leads me to something I saw about a mega church in Texas that's holding a women's retreat, geared at helping women deal with divorce, abuse and other challenges that occur in relationships. This church has done men's retreats intended to help guys strengthen their marriages.

I guess you don't go to an event like this unless you're a religious person — a believer. I just don't know that I want my relationship advice served up with a side order of religious dogma. To their credit, the organizers of this event acknowledge the Bynum-Weeks case. They even admit that they've known of abusive relationships in their families and in their church. So apparently all that religion doesn't keep this sort of thing from happening.

Hey, if this works for some people, more power to them. But it's definitely not for me.

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I stumbled across a column about divorce on a Web site that defines itself as "financial infotainment." So perhaps I shouldn't judge it too harshly, but there was something about the writer's simplistic approach that rubbed me the wrong way.

The column was on things to keep in mind as you're working out your finances during a divorce. And there was plenty of good information there: Organize your paperwork, close or freeze all joint accounts and credit cards, be aware of the tax implications of any property or assets you have to sell as part of the settlement, be clear about what you're seeking from your ex.

But there's a line in there where the writer says: "Divorce isn’t, or shouldn’t be about reprisal that quickly morphs into a form of insanity. Set your emotions aside because divorce is a simple division of assets. The law and the numbers are straightforward. The issues become complicated only when emotion overwhelms reason."

Clearly, these are the words of someone who hasn't been through a divorce. There is no setting your emotions aside. There's shutting down and going on auto pilot for weeks or months at a time. But if you and your ex are having to seek out lawyers in order to settle the money issues in your divorce, it's emotional and there's no way around it. End of story.

I get what the writer is trying to say. At a certain point, you have to put your head down and just get through the worst of it as best you can. But the way it was worded seemed to gloss over how emotionally complicated it can be.

Nonetheless, take a read through the column. Again, there's good advice there, and you can never have enough reminders of the financial keys to navigating a divorce.

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Tragedy struck a divorce proceeding in Italy this week when a man shot and critically wounded his estranged wife and killed her brother before being shot to death by police outside of a courtroom.

So many questions, and so few answers here.

Authorities will need to determine how the man managed to get a gun into the courthouse. If you've ever gone into any courthouse here in the U.S., you know that security is tight, and you don’t go too far inside the door without passing through a metal detector. Apparently, they need to beef up the security measures in Italy. You can see where this is the sort of thing that might lead to a knee-jerk reaction to really take strong measures.

And, of course, let’s not forget the pressures and difficulties of going through a divorce trial. Clearly, anyone who would do something like this has snapped in some way. But we should think about the way divorces are handled in the wake of something like this. Is there anything that can be done to ease the anguish of the ordeal that might keep something like this from happening again?

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Later this month in Austria, they’re going to have what is being called the world’s first divorce fair. The event will bring together all sorts of resources to help people navigate their way through the end of a marriage -- everything from legal information and tips for spying on your cheating spouse to advice on how to help children deal with what’s happening.

Provided that this doesn’t just turn into a way for money-grubbing attorneys to drum up more business, I think it’s a great idea. As prevalent as divorce is in the U.S., it seems like it’s only a matter of time before events like this one take place here.

The only drawback I can see is that it could be rather awkward to walk up to someone at a booth in a crowded convention hall and start asking for advice or talking about your own situation. Divorce is such a personal thing, it seems like the dynamic of the interactions at an event like this might be a bit stilted. Still, it’s an interesting and worthwhile-sounding concept.

One rather ironic thing, though. The organizer of this event also organizes wedding fairs. Isn’t that versatile?

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There's a movement afoot in England to change the laws and keep divorce lawyers from exploiting their clients.

Apparently there is an alarming number of divorced or divorcing people in the UK who feel that they've been suckered by their lawyers. A press release on the subject and a Web site set up to push for the British Parliament to take action don't seem to offer a whole lot of specifics. But apparently there are lots of hidden fees. Or not-so-hidden fees, like money the lawyers ask for up front.

Certainly, we all know how vulnerable you can feel when you're going through a divorce. It is the last time you should need to worry about something like this. Your lawyer is supposed to be on your side and looking out for your interests. If this sort of thing really is happening, it's reprehensible.

It'll be interesting to keep an eye on this effort to see whether it really has any legs or if it's just being fueled by a far-flung vocal minority.

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Somewhere, Lorena Bobbitt is smiling.

A court in Taiwan has granted a man a divorce because his wife has been threatening to cut off his penis.

What a perfectly lovely story this is.

The couple has been married for 10 years. Two years ago, the wife began to suspect that her husband was cheating. And that's when she started making threats against his manhood. She would wake him up in the middle of the night to interrogate him and let him know that bad things might be happening to that sensitive part of the anatomy.

You think that’s sick, try this: She started sharpening a knife and leaving it next to the bed. Think about how brave this guy must have been to get into bed every night with a woman like that.

So, given all this information, the court decided there was no way this couple could continue living together and granted the divorce.

See what you started, Lorena?

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Here’s another story that shows things aren’t always so rosy in religious families. We’ve written a couple of times about the mis-matched ministers, Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks.

Well, here’s a story out of Alabama about a pastor whose wife walked out on him and their two kids six months ago. Actually, according to a report in the Mobile Press-Register, Beth Smith is still seeing her children on a regular basis, and sources say she is a good mother.

But in March, she hocked her wedding ring while attending a religious convention in Louisiana and bought a bus ticket to New York without telling her family anything. To say the least, details like that make her sound unstable. She was living in a women’s shelter in New York when authorities finally located her in July and brought her back to Alabama.

Her husband, Rev. Jason Lee Smith, has filed for divorce and it seeking custody of the kids, who are 10 and 7. Beth Smith’s attorney said there was conflict in the marriage and that the couple had grown apart. And he talked about the toll that keeping up appearances can take when you’re married to a religious leader. Indeed, if you start to question the life you’re living, that’s a difficult place to be. But walking out on your family? She’s going to have a tough time explaining that away.

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