It's good to get a little common-sense advice during a crazy time. As we've written before, a lot of marriages break up during this time of year. And a piece I read in the Washington Post did a nice job of summing up a few things to think about if it happens to you. The writer talked to five divorce experts (three men, two women, four of them divorced) and offered up a few tips that I thought were worthwhile.

Get counseling. Don't rush into a lawyer's office or be in a hurry to file paperwork. First go talk to someone. Ideally, you do this as a couple, but I think it would be valuable to do on your own if you feel like your marriage is falling apart and you need to talk it out.

Be careful about the tone. This one is hard. If you're initiating a conversation to end your marriage, there's no easy way to do it. Maybe the holiday season isn't the best time to have that talk. But when you do, you need to try to be as calm as possible. Sure, you may end up shouting at each other. But eventually, you're going to need to sit and have a real conversation about it.

Give each other time. This one is important if you're the one who initiates. You've already made your decision, but he hasn't. And even if he realizes you're right, he will probably still need time to digest it.

Stay out of court. Wow, glad to see someone besides me pushing this one. Mediation is the way to go. Dig in with lawyers and you're going to cost yourself time and money that you'll never get back.

Keep the kids out of it. As we've said many times, you're divorcing each other, not your kids. If the two of you don't co-parent your way through this the right way, you're setting your kids up for a long, difficult emotional roller coaster. Want to talk to each other? Fine. Do that. Don't use the kids as messengers. And if you're going to argue, do it at a place and time when they can't overhear you.

Don't badmouth each other. Or at least don't do it in the presence of mutual friends. It's just not a mature thing to do.

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