Sometimes you read a story about a family in crisis and it gives you more than a little perspective. Everyone has pain and suffering and frustration during a divorce. But there's a family in England that is living a nightmare.

Angela Cannings was in custody for four years for allegedly murdering two infant sons. She was eventually freed four years ago when a court determined that SIDS was to blame for the deaths. As if that's not bad enough, she also lost another child to SIDS. Upon being released from jail, it seems Cannings and her husband tried to start rebuilding their life. But last year, she left for a "fresh start." The two have shared custody of their only surviving child, but now Cannings is seeking a divorce and full custody of the child.

I barely know where to begin talking about this story. There is no answer. This family has been ripped apart on multiple levels. They have lost three children. Their surviving daughter spent four years without a mother. And now, on top of everything else, they're having to navigate a divorce. I guess in a strange, cruel way the divorce is the least of their concerns after everything that's happened. But I don't mean to be callous about it. This is a family that's been through unspeakable pain. Here's hoping the three of them — mother, father and daughter — can find some help and some peace.

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It's good to get a little common-sense advice during a crazy time. As we've written before, a lot of marriages break up during this time of year. And a piece I read in the Washington Post did a nice job of summing up a few things to think about if it happens to you. The writer talked to five divorce experts (three men, two women, four of them divorced) and offered up a few tips that I thought were worthwhile.

Get counseling. Don't rush into a lawyer's office or be in a hurry to file paperwork. First go talk to someone. Ideally, you do this as a couple, but I think it would be valuable to do on your own if you feel like your marriage is falling apart and you need to talk it out.

Be careful about the tone. This one is hard. If you're initiating a conversation to end your marriage, there's no easy way to do it. Maybe the holiday season isn't the best time to have that talk. But when you do, you need to try to be as calm as possible. Sure, you may end up shouting at each other. But eventually, you're going to need to sit and have a real conversation about it.

Give each other time. This one is important if you're the one who initiates. You've already made your decision, but he hasn't. And even if he realizes you're right, he will probably still need time to digest it.

Stay out of court. Wow, glad to see someone besides me pushing this one. Mediation is the way to go. Dig in with lawyers and you're going to cost yourself time and money that you'll never get back.

Once again, someone is trying to make the case that divorces are prone to happen at a certain time of year. This time around it's a columnist from the Toronto Globe & Mail. She points out that many therapists say they see a rise in the number of initial consultations about divorce this time of year.

The holiday season can be stressful for a lot of families, and that stress can obviously exacerbate a marriage that is already teetering on the brink. So when the final straw comes during the holiday season it's easy to chalk it up holiday stress. But I think it goes far deeper than that.

In fact, I think the last thing you want to do is break up right around the holidays, because then you'll be left to wonder whether you overreacted to the stress of the season. The thing to remember is that even when a marriage does break up, the timing is less important than the build-up to that moment. It didn't end all at once. It took time.

And if the holidays hold special significance for you, there's a risk of permanently changing the way you experience them. The writer recounts the beginning of the end of her marriage, which occurred during a family Christmas vacation to Hawaii. The holidays will never quite be the same for her.

If your marriage is going to end, it's going to happen whenever it's time. I'm not sure you can truly control that. But it's no fun if it happens during what is supposed to be a festive time.

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A couple of my colleagues here at FWW wrote this week about a study from Michigan State University claiming that divorce is bad for the environment, since it means one household becomes two households.

Now, I'm going to skip over the no-brainer element of this, not only because Naomi Dunne and Brian Kilroy have already covered it, but because I read a column with another take on it that I found hilarious.

The columnist wrote a dialogue between a fictional divorcing couple and their children. Mom and dad sit down with the kids for a family dinner and to break the news that they're getting a divorce. And one of the kids is so concerned about the environment that he forgets to get upset that his parents are splitting up. I thought it was pretty effective — as if anyone is going to give a damn about the environment at a time like that. Give this one a read. It's pretty funny.

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I stumbled across a column in a small Georgia newspaper written by the president of the Georgia Family Council. Not surprisingly, he was advocating the benefits of sticking it out through the bad parts of a marriage and not getting divorced.

I always cringe when I hear about organizations like this. They have an agenda — usually a conservative political agenda that is religiously motivated — that I don’t care for. And you can start to get that vibe when you read the writer’s "strengthen the family" message. But rather than simply being critical on socio-political grounds, I think it’s wise to read what he has to say and then see if you agree or disagree with it on a point-by-point basis.

He says the National Survey of Marriage and Families reported that 77 percent of people who said their marriage went through a period where it was "not good" reported that it was "good" or "very good" five years later. We don’t know what "not good" means. But I think anyone who starts contemplating divorce would characterize their marriage as a lot worse than "not good." So right away I find the logic faulty.

He says that some couples survived their troubles through stubborn endurance. Anyone else laugh out loud at that idea? He suggests stubborn endurance can even help a marriage survive infidelity. Got news for you, mister: I don’t believe in surviving infidelity. That’s just crazy talk. I believe in kicking his cheating ass to the curb!

He says couples should be committed enough to work through their problems. I agree with that. No problem there.

Thumbs up to Gannett News Service for a nice, long, comprehensive point-by-point breakdown of all the financial matters you need to think about when you go through a divorce.

With the number of divorces there are in the United States, every media outlet in the country could do this story once a month and it still probably wouldn't be enough. There are so many things to remember, and considering it's the worst time in your life, you're bound to overlook some of them.

Long story short, getting divorced is like getting ready to buy a house. Just make off that you're about to go through a loan application. Take stock of all your assets. One tip that jumped out at me was to think about assets that might not typically be on the top of your head, like frequent flyer miles and store reward club memberships. These things may seem insignificant in the grand scheme, but they should be considered and divided up nonetheless.

Another thing lots of people forget is the need to update wills and change beneficiary information. This one is particularly easy to overlook because for at a lot of us, that involves an appointment with a lawyer or financial advisor — and that's just one more thing you have to make time for.

One expert Gannett talked to says one of the key mistakes people make is trying to hold on to their house at all costs. You may get the house, but that means you also get the mortgage and property taxes and upkeep of the house all to yourself. Can you afford that? If you're staying in the house for the benefit of your kids, so they won't have to move and change schools, you should be entitled to more spousal support so you can afford everything you need.

There's lots more in this article — it's a must-read if you're going through a divorce.

What? Yeah, that was my reaction too.

As a rule, I can't stand celebrity news. I've got enough of my own problems, thank you very much. But the idea is that all of these situations give people a really crystal clear picture of what not to do during a divorce when there are children to consider. And I guess there's some merit to the idea that these stories give us a glimpse into the family court process.

Britney and K-Fed had to go to a class to learn how to co-parent through their breakup. In fact, that's a useful thing, and it's not just for celebrities. According to the piece I read, such classes are offered in about half the counties in the country. The piece goes on to outline some of the basics of how to get your kids through a divorce -- stuff we've written about here before, but it's always worth a reminder:

A Bill Of Rights For Kids: Required Reading For Divorcing Parents

You're Divorcing Your Ex, Not Your Kids

So maybe there is something useful to come out of all the celebrity divorce stories. But I still get sick of hearing about them.

You’ll find no shortage of people who say that it’s too easy to get a divorce here in the U.S. And it’s probably true that there are couples who are quick to call it quits without giving it a whole lot of thought. The alternative to easy access to divorce, however, is frightening. I’m not sure I realized just how frightening until I read a news report about the state of divorce in Ireland.

As we’ve written here before, divorce has only been legal in Ireland for 10 years. To say they’re still getting the hang of it would be a massive understatement. The biggest problem is that the courts are overburdened with divorce cases — so much so that many couples don’t get proper hearings. Court dates can be delayed for months, even in cases that involve the welfare of children. It’s apparently common for there to be no transcripts of proceedings, and many couples don’t get written documentation of judges’ decisions.

It gets worse. Irish law requires couples to be separated for four years before a divorce can be finalized. Ireland, of course, is predominantly Catholic, and it’s obvious the nation’s religious base is doing everything it can to keep couples from breaking up. But when the process is so difficult it sends the message that the nation would rather have you be married and miserable than create a civilized, compassionate system that will assist you in navigating one of the most difficult periods of your life. And that stinks.

You’ve got a wonderfully picturesque landscape, Ireland. But your divorce system makes you look like a landfill.

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Later this month in Austria, they’re going to have what is being called the world’s first divorce fair. The event will bring together all sorts of resources to help people navigate their way through the end of a marriage -- everything from legal information and tips for spying on your cheating spouse to advice on how to help children deal with what’s happening.

Provided that this doesn’t just turn into a way for money-grubbing attorneys to drum up more business, I think it’s a great idea. As prevalent as divorce is in the U.S., it seems like it’s only a matter of time before events like this one take place here.

The only drawback I can see is that it could be rather awkward to walk up to someone at a booth in a crowded convention hall and start asking for advice or talking about your own situation. Divorce is such a personal thing, it seems like the dynamic of the interactions at an event like this might be a bit stilted. Still, it’s an interesting and worthwhile-sounding concept.

One rather ironic thing, though. The organizer of this event also organizes wedding fairs. Isn’t that versatile?

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Here’s another story that shows things aren’t always so rosy in religious families. We’ve written a couple of times about the mis-matched ministers, Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks.

Well, here’s a story out of Alabama about a pastor whose wife walked out on him and their two kids six months ago. Actually, according to a report in the Mobile Press-Register, Beth Smith is still seeing her children on a regular basis, and sources say she is a good mother.

But in March, she hocked her wedding ring while attending a religious convention in Louisiana and bought a bus ticket to New York without telling her family anything. To say the least, details like that make her sound unstable. She was living in a women’s shelter in New York when authorities finally located her in July and brought her back to Alabama.

Her husband, Rev. Jason Lee Smith, has filed for divorce and it seeking custody of the kids, who are 10 and 7. Beth Smith’s attorney said there was conflict in the marriage and that the couple had grown apart. And he talked about the toll that keeping up appearances can take when you’re married to a religious leader. Indeed, if you start to question the life you’re living, that’s a difficult place to be. But walking out on your family? She’s going to have a tough time explaining that away.

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