http://www.firstwivesworld.com Comments for "Blog entry" en http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/boys-behaving-badly#comment-5480 I abhored the time out chair method of discipline. When my oldest daughter was little I'd try to put her in that time out chair. She refused to sit there, and kept jumping out of it and running to the door of her room and arguing with me (she was perhaps 2 - 21/2yo). I was a young mom, and though I had to show her who was boss, and so I tried to forcibly keep her in that chair and she kept fighting back. Finally I gave up -- the only way I could have kept her in that chair was to tie her down and I was not going to abuse my child. So yes, she won, ultimately, she never did sit in that time out chair. She is now a gentle, intelligent, 3.9 GPA science major finishing up her junior year and thinking about medical school. I just don't think physical force is the way to go, and since I was fortune to a kid grow into a great adult, I can say for certain that the absence of physical force does not necessarily result in an undisciplined adult. Maybe the answer is to stay strong and positive and tell him or show him that it hurts until he gets the message. Fri, 16 May 2008 06:52:47 -0400 Guest comment 5480 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/boys-behaving-badly#comment-5479 I figured that I'd get some comment in regards to that comment from moms that had teenagers! Yeah, I don't know what its like to have a teenager -- I know that I'll soon find out -- I was strictly speaking in terms of a young child. I think its important to teach them boundaries and respect early on in life, therefore I don't believe that hitting them is a good idea. Glad to hear its normal behavior though! Thanks Thu, 15 May 2008 18:41:38 -0400 Faith Eggers comment 5479 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/dangerous-writing#comment-5476 I'm don't get this response? You could also say grief is the price we pay for life, right? But, I wouldn't trade either to avoid it. Thu, 15 May 2008 17:55:04 -0400 Elaina Goodman comment 5476 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/juliesavard/so-much-great-expectations#comment-5475 "sassier" sounds pretty fun and funky to me! Thu, 15 May 2008 16:29:35 -0400 bargee comment 5475 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/boys-behaving-badly#comment-5472 Wow..that is all old school advice. At 16 months, biting is not that odd a behavior. With biting I would reminding my kids (now 8yr boy and 5yr girl) that teeth were for food and ask if he was hungry. Often times with my son, I think the biting was a lack of verbal skills esp. when he was a bit older then your son. Another tactic is rather than saying ouch (they like that) is to say that hurt and walk away. Over all he wants your attention and if that is what you are taking away when he hurts you, he is learning a positive cause and effect lesson. With regards to the hair pulling I would suggest distraction there. Maybe you could ask if he wants to brush Mama’s hair and then re-enforce for nice behavior with lots of ohhs & awes, that feels nice. For one more thought, you may want to use some baby sign language if he is slow on developing his vocabulary (like most boys). It really helped as my kids got too upset to use their words at times. Thu, 15 May 2008 13:07:29 -0400 Guest comment 5472 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/dangerous-writing#comment-5471 My father used to tell me that I was, "In love with love." He was right. I spent years trading love for fear. Hanging in no matter how badly I was treated. I overlooked character flaws in the person I was "in love with" and in myself. It wasn't easy when I had to face what I had done to myself for so many years. My only regret is that I didn't realize what my father was trying to tell me before he passed away. What I wouldn't give to be able to tell him that I finally got it. Thu, 15 May 2008 12:54:19 -0400 Cathy Meyer comment 5471 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/dangerous-writing#comment-5470 -end of story Thu, 15 May 2008 12:44:45 -0400 Guest comment 5470 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/boys-behaving-badly#comment-5469 "I believe that if you treat children with respect they will respect you back." I had to laugh when I read that. I used to have the same belief. Right up until my youngest hit 13. Luckily you've got a few more years before he shows that adolescent disrespect. My suggestion is that you tell him "NO." When he reaches for your hair, grab his hand and tell him sternly with a furrowed brow..."NO, That IS NOT NICE." When my boys were younger a stern voice and angry look would stop them in their tracks. Do the same thing with the biting and smacking. It sounds to me that it isn't the activity that he enjoys but the reaction he gets from you. It's that word, "ouch" that floats his boat. Replace the ouch with something less pleasant and he will probably lose interest in the biting, hair pulling and smacking. Oh, just so you will know my boys did the same sort of stuff at that age. It is normal 16 month old behavior. Thu, 15 May 2008 12:42:12 -0400 Cathy Meyer comment 5469 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/half-in-half-out#comment-5468 "Now spring is closing in on summer, and one year is closing in on two." I think that's because you are taking the tortoise approach, rather than the hurry up and make a decision, any decision, hare approach. We all know who "wins" in that story. Take it from a hare. RBYS Thu, 15 May 2008 12:23:07 -0400 Guest comment 5468 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/dangerous-writing#comment-5467 "More human and more loving." Love that, and I think you're on to something! And so true that we are all haunted! I never thought of it in those terms! RBYS Thu, 15 May 2008 12:19:29 -0400 Guest comment 5467 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/dangerous-writing#comment-5466 It's an amazing thing, the way embracing our darkness creates so much light. The way, when we can be compassionate with ourselves, it extends to everyone and everything around us. And you right, boy is it frightening sometimes. Thu, 15 May 2008 12:18:45 -0400 Elaina Goodman comment 5466 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/dangerous-writing#comment-5464 Elaina, what a beautiful reflection about what is so true. I believe with my ex, although I did love him, I was more in love with love itself. And the moment his affair started, I moved instantly into fear mode. How could I ever find another person to love and more importantly, love me back? It has been almost a year since the divorce, and I can say for the first time in my life, I am in love with myself. My whole self, all of my humanness, and more and more I am embracing deeper aspects of my darkness and my lightness. At times, I do feel haunted by all of it, as the deeply emotional rollercoaster of divorce did strip me down to the bare level of what I was and who I was in my own skin. And boy, at times, I was scared with what I found. But, as I embraced more of this rawness, more of my authenticity came through, and continues to do so. I feel like for the first time in my life, I am not hiding behind a mask to please anybody, even that person I thought I should or must be for my own false view of what contributes to joy, energy, and passion. And, I am by far more human and more loving, and now I am at peace with the "dangerousness" of being a human, due to what manifested after moving successfully through the danger from my divorce. And, good luck with the rest of your writing workshop. You obviously are open and ready for such deep reflection and writing. Thu, 15 May 2008 09:08:59 -0400 Guest comment 5464 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/wanda-woodard/whats-in-a-day#comment-5459 Those cards made with little hands are the best. My boys gave me a T-shirt. On the front are tubes of acrylic paint, pooping out globs of paint. It didn't fulfill me but I acted as if it did. It was good to be able to spend part of my Mother's Day with you. Tenderloin and the tender heart of another single mother. Good eats and good company! Wed, 14 May 2008 18:26:20 -0400 Cathy Meyer comment 5459 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/wanda-woodard/whats-in-a-day#comment-5457 Adrian pulling your hair for your early morning starter just cracked me up. How sweet and funny. Yea for your aunt and uncle doing that for him. How nice of them. Right back atcha, sweets! Wed, 14 May 2008 17:58:08 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5457 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/wanda-woodard/whats-in-a-day#comment-5456 Awww, that is so sweet, and must have made you feel so good!! I can't wait until Adrian is old enough to do stuff like that. My mothers day started out much like yours...with my son waking me up by yanking my hair at 6:30 then on to a bunch of chores. But, my aunt and uncle got a Mothers day card for him to give me!! Happy (belated) Mothers Day Wanda!! Wed, 14 May 2008 14:14:26 -0400 Faith Eggers comment 5456 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com