congratulations

Guest — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 22:38:28 -0500

Sweetie, you are happy he is going oversees to a place where he will be totally absent from your family's life - difficult as that is logistically, it's worth the trade off of having the separation decision made for you. You are gladly accepting the load or single-parenting two kids full time with no 1/2 week or even every other weekend reprieve because that feels better than having him around. You felt relief when he was gone before. I think you know your answers about the relationship. And I think you know your intent, no matter how you package it. Sounds like all the confusion is about not liking what you know. Confused as you may feel in your head, you could not be more clear in your writing. Could this distance be just what you need to make the transition out? Because when you get to the place where I was, the place everything you write, EVERYTHING, says you are, Megan, the question is do longer do I get out of this, it's HOW do I get out of this? Good luck. I know it ain't easy. ~elaina

Trial Separation, Here We Come

Megan Thomas — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:00:21 -0500

My husband has accepted a position overseas for a year. The kids and I won't be going with him. We're staying put while he goes and gets an apartment and lives a life without a wife and kids.

It's a weird situation. We're going to be separated by distance but we aren't going to be separated as far as our marital status goes...at least I don't think we are. If that's the intent it hasn't been discussed. So I'll still be married, but my husband won't live with us. He'll visit once or twice during this time away, but for the most part we'll live separate lives during this work assignment.

I think this is a step in the right direction. I'm so conflicted over whether we should stay together or not that sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live without him for a while. Will I miss him? Will he miss me? Will the kids freak out without Daddy around? It's like a trial separation without all the hubbub of a real, intentional marital separation.

Honestly, I don't know if I could dream up a better scenario.

The last time he went away for an extended period of time for work — which was for a few months — I was glad he was gone. We were right in the middle of our worst difficulties and not having him around was a real relief. We have since been through marital counseling, but I don't know that it really helped all that much. I'd generally resolved to just muddle through and see how things turn out. This new development makes things very interesting indeed.

We still have a few months before he leaves, but we're preparing now for the time he'll be away. Can a damaged marriage survive a long separation? I guess we'll find out.

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congratulations

Trial Separation, Here We Come