Divorce in the Heartland -- Part 2 of 3

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 09:03:49 -0400

Sara Muse of Belleview, Nebraska, behaved within the bounds of propriety in her conservative state. She dated her husband for a year before getting engaged. They did not live together before they married. She didn't get pregnant until after they were married.

"We played by all the rules," she says. "Our marriage had the typical gender rules. I took care of the household chores. I cooked, cleaned, took care of the home.

“We both worked outside of the home. He took care of the outside yard work, car maintenance, and I took care of the inside.”

But then their daughter came along. Sara was 20 when Rhyanne was born, but despite her youth, she says, “I was prepared to be a parent.”

Her husband, she says, was not. “He wanted to live the bachelor’s life and do his own things.”

They divorced a year ago, when Rhyanne was 2.

She notes that she thought it would be easier to be a real single mom than to be married and act like a single mom.

“And I was right,” she says. Her ex-husband eventually admitted that he was scared by the idea of having a child.

How did this happen to her, she wondered. She had followed all the rules and still wound up divorced.

“My parents just celebrated their 30th anniversary and they played by the same rules I did,” she says, “dating, marriage, waiting for a child.”

“I kind of tried to follow in those footsteps and it didn’t work out.”

What bothers her most, she says, is “I felt like I just didn’t let myself down but also my friends and family."

(In the last part: What Sara learned)

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Divorce in the Heartland -- Part 2 of 3